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Husband wants to get rid of cat! Need advice please.

17K views 106 replies 45 participants last post by  lymorelynn  
#1 ·
Hi, I need your advice please forum members!

We have recently moved house and have one cat and a 1 year old. My husband (whose idea it was to get our cat 6 years ago) has decided he doesn't want to keep him and is trying to persuade me he won't have a good life in our new home. We have taken on a project and will have new furnishings (carpets, sofa etc). The reasons he thinks we should get of our cat are these:
- He will claw and ruin the new furniture
- He has bought dead animals in and left a bloody mess all over our sons playmat and he doesn't want mess in the new house either
- we have had problems with fleas in the past however he is regularly treated and hasn't had them for a couple of years
- the stairs in our new house go straight up from the living room so we won't be able to keep him shut downstairs ( we could keep him confined to our kitchen/dining room area when we are out as this can be shut off and just let him in the living room when we are there and stop him if he tries to go upstairs)
- in the summer when we leave our window open he sits outside at the bottom of it and whines to be let in

Quite a list!! I feel like the cat is part of the family and it is good for our son to have a pet to learn how to look after them and be kind to animals. I do not want to get rid of him, but he is making it so difficult saying he won't be allowed in the house and we'll have to keep him outside and buy him one of those cat 'kennels'. It upsets me whenever I think about getting rid of him and he is not backing down or being reasonable in my view.

I have been advised to buy scratching posts/ keep off cuts of carpet for him to scratch. Also you can apparently buy some spray for furniture that stops them scratching. If we don't install a cat flap he won't be able to bring animals in at night but might miaow outside our window to be let in which we don't want.

Please does anyone out there have any advice for me? Or ever been in a similar situation? It's starting to really get me down and stress me out. TIA.
 
#4 ·
I would get rid of your husband.
I would recommend buying plenty of scratching posts etc for your cat. As you say, if you don't have a catflap, he won't bring dead animals in. The other thing you could do is keep him in at night so that he doesn't hunt as actively, cats are far more prolific with their hunting at night. What is his scratching of furniture like now? I would imagine if he isn't a bit scratcher then there is no reason why he would turn into one overnight when you move. I don't think any of your husband's 'reasons' are valid really. It saddens me that after 6 years he wants to just get rid of him :(
 
#8 ·
I would get rid of your husband.
I would recommend buying plenty of scratching posts etc for your cat. As you say, if you don't have a catflap, he won't bring dead animals in. The other thing you could do is keep him in at night so that he doesn't hunt as actively, cats are far more prolific with their hunting at night. What is his scratching of furniture like now? I would imagine if he isn't a bit scratcher then there is no reason why he would turn into one overnight when you move. I don't think any of your husband's 'reasons' are valid really. It saddens me that after 6 years he wants to just get rid of him :(
Thank you for some sensible suggestions daisysmama. We did come across an old scratching post from when he was a kitten just before moving house and he had started to use that more. He was using things like the edge of the skirting board and carpet on the stairs (if he managed to escape through the door to get up there). I did want to avoid having to get a litter tray to be honest, as with a1 year old I'm not too keen on having cat faeces lying around.

Oh the other reason was we are moving next door to family and he doesn't want him doing his business in their garden!
It saddens me too :(
 
#9 ·
Thanks for your replies. Although you may disagree I'd like to keep both :) so looking for some sensible suggestions on what I can say to persuade him and measures I can take to give him (the cat that is) a happy life but stop some of these behaviours. Thanks.
 
#11 ·
Scratching posts, barrels, flat scratchers, especially near the stairs and new sofas. You will need at least one in all the main rooms.
A couple of deep covered litter trays (take the front door off) and use clumping litter so that you can remove faeces and wees whenever they are used.
Keep his flea and worming up to date.
A cat flap that can be locked and you can keep him in at night so that you don't wake up to any dead stuff (and he can't whine at you window) and look at making the window secure for him so that he can't get out though.
Plenty of toys to keep him occupied indoors.
 
#12 ·
Scratching posts, barrels, flat scratchers, especially near the stairs and new sofas. You will need at least one in all the main rooms.
A couple of deep covered litter trays (take the front door off) and use clumping litter so that you can remove faeces and wees whenever they are used.
Keep his flea and worming up to date.
A cat flap that can be locked and you can keep him in at night so that you don't wake up to any dead stuff (and he can't whine at you window) and look at making the window secure for him so that he can't get out though.
Plenty of toys to keep him occupied indoors.
Thank you for some helpful advice. Are there any particular toys you would recommend? I always seem to buy cheap rubbish that fall apart or doesn't keep him entertained for long?
 
#15 ·
I would sit your hubby down and try and talk to him. Tell him how much your cat means to you. Show him how up set you are . He is not being very fair to you or your cat.
Turn on the tears. I know that is an old one but sometimes it does work. Do not give in to him.
If you let him then this will be a sauce of arguments in the future. You will not be able to forgive him.
 
#16 ·
If he doesn't have a litter tray, of course he will go in other people's gardens... Mine comes in to use it (Cats best litter is great).

Cat proofing the garden (see sticky thread) will keep him out of other people's gardens and can limit hunting.

Keep him in at night to limit hunting.

Scratch boards everywhere. Scratching is inbuilt - they have to do it - if you don't provide something suitable, then don't complain if he scratches where he shouldn't.

My cat has the run of the house, so I don't understand the keeping him shut in (others will).

HOWEVER

If you must rehome (and I think less of people who do actually change their minds) DO IT PROPERLY. Having been involved with (very sick) animals who have been kicked out, I think that that is even worse. Take him to Cat's Protection so they can find a family who will look after him for life.
 
#17 ·
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#20 ·
If you lock him outside at night, and only let him use a small part of the house, don't give him a litter tray and tell him off for scratching I would expect that he will vote with his little furry paws and find another home. If you care about him rehome him responsibly rather that have all your neighbours pitying him, and talking about you.

Locking him outside at night increases his chances of being a traffic casualty, and increases the amount of wildlife he will catch. It also almost guarantees he will use the neighbours gardens as a toilet, catch "their" birds and use their catflaps.
 
#27 ·
I really hope you do not go ahead with the absurd thought of keeping the poor baby locked out at night? If you're not willing to treat your cat properly, I really do think you should look to rehome him (using proper processes not gumtree or facebook) with someone that will be able to give him the love and care he needs..

sasha's dad?
 
#28 ·
I'm sorry but I have no advice to offer. Hearing what your husband wants to do and reasons why he wants to do it makes my blood boil. If my husband ever seriously suggested this, he would be picking his teeth up off the floor. Whilst others suggestions that you kick him out May to you seem unhelpful and unrealistic, believe me that is exactly what would happen in this house. He values his life too much to even contemplate it.

It sounds to me like your husband is quite set on dumping your cat now it's become an inconvenience, so all the suggestions given I doubt will do much to change his mind. It's time for you to grow a backbone and tell the heartless creep to go **** himself. If you aren't prepared to do that then you are as bad as he is.
 
#33 ·
That's exactly what I was thinking. You have a one year old and your husband's worried about your cat destroying your home?

There's no reason he should scratch furniture excessively if you provide plenty of scratching posts with different surfaces (sisal, carpet, cardboard). You can get double sided sticky strips to stick on furniture which help deter scratching.

It would be better to keep him in at night than shut him out.

You may feel that comments about getting rid of the husband to be harsh but frankly your husband isn't exactly sounding like a great catch right now. Will he want rid of your son after 6 years? He seems to need a lesson in responsibility imo. However, if you can't get him to see sense it might be better if you rehome your cat. He deserves to be wanted and cared for by someone who doesn't consider a nuisance.
 
#31 ·
Wow.

Six years and he suddenly wants to get rid of the cat in case it messes up the new house?

Does he know what toddlers are capable of???

Get some scratching posts, or cardboard scratchers. Even front door mats just for the cat (my lot love those).

Put a tray where the baby can't go without you, if you dont intend to install a catflap so the cat can come as go as it is used to.

My D knows that the only reason I would ever even comtemplate getting rid of the Munchkins, would be if his life was in danger if they stayed!
He knows suggesting it would also put his life in danger ;)

Good luck - I hope your husband sees sense and is happy that the WHOLE family, including the cat, will be starting on a new adventure in a new home!
 
#32 ·
We had a friend visit with their 2 year old last week and within 20 minutes our house was trashed, so if your husband honestly wants to get rid of your cat because it MIGHT scratch your furniture then he may as well re-home the kid while he's at it.

I'll never understand why people adopt/buy animals and then complain when they behave like an animal, what do you expect will happen? You can't just take on a cat for 6 years and suddenly get offended when they behave like a cat.
 
#38 ·
I can't help wondering if we are dealing with a troll. It is a newbie after all.
@Sacremist: had my doubts too, but the reason I gave this the benefit of the doubt was that it was so well-written; most of our (recent) ones have been almost illiterate (or pretended to be) to the point that on occasions I could not make arse nor tail of what they were going on about. Let us see how this pans out. OP has not answered recent posts...
 
#36 · (Edited)
@RubyWaterman - your cat has been a loyal and affectionate companion to you and your family for 6 years. He needs and deserves a loving home where he is welcomed as a valued member of the family and is allowed to express his natural feline behaviour. He is not going to feel welcomed or loved if he is constantly shouted at for scratching carpets etc and shut out of the house all night with his only shelter an outdoor cat house. :(

It sounds as though in your old house your cat was allowed to get into a very bad habit of scratching your furniture, carpets etc. That is because you did not train him as soon as you got him to use scratch posts and scratch pads.

A cat has to scratch, it's natural cat behaviour, - to scent mark his home (from the pads in his paws) and to keep his claws trim. If you don't provide lots of scratch posts and pads for him to use, all around the house, then of course he will use your carpets and furniture. :(

Now you want him to stop scratching your home, but he is not going to stop unless you give the time to re-train him. It IS possible to do this, but it needs the trainer to be well motivated, patient and kind. You sound like a reasonable person and you may have the required qualities in abundance, but if your husband is going to be harsh, impatient or mean with your cat whilst you are trying to re-train him, then you are on a non-starter.

A cat does not learn to do what you want him to if he is anxious and stressed. He learns because you direct him to what you want him to do repeatedly and patiently until he has got the idea.

Why you can't fit a microchip cat flap to the back door, or in an outside wall, and leave it open all day so the cat can toilet outside?. At night shut the cat indoors in the kitchen/living room with his food, water, bed and litter tray and lock the cat flap so he can't get out. Your toddler is in his bed at night so a litter tray overnight in the kitchen, removed in the morning, is not going to be a problem for him.

Use a plastic storage box for a litter tray - the type with a removable lid - intended to fit under the bed. It will be deep enough for a tray and the sides are low enough for the cat to jump in and out easily. The boxes are very cheap to buy at ÂŁ5 from Tesco. Every morning scoop the tray, put the lid on it and put it away out of reach of your toddler until bedtime. No smells, no hassle. :) .

As someone else has pointed out, if your cat is shut indoors a night he can't bring in wild life and leave it mangled on the floor.

If you are willing to give the time to re-train your cat, first of all you need to buy lots of scratching posts and scratch pads, enough for every room. Cardboard pads are popular and so cheap to buy from Zooplus UK you can have several to a room. Scratch posts are also cheap to buy from Zooplus UK. .

http://www.zooplus.co.uk/shop/cats/scratching_posts/scratching_pads/scratching_mat/101907

http://www.zooplus.co.uk/shop/cats/scratching_posts/scratching_posts/281653

(Cardboard pads need replacing every couple of months once the surface has been shredded)

Once you have the new pads and posts all around the home, rub them all daily with powdered cat nip. Then wait until you see your cat go to scratch carpets, furniture etc and immediately go calmly to him, pick him up and carry him to the nearest post or pad and gently paddle his front paws up and down on it a few times mimicking the movements he makes.

Remember this is a training exercise, so please do not ever tell him off for scratching where he shouldn't - just calmly pick him up and direct his attention to where you want him to scratch.

You will need to be consistent and do the training every single time he goes to scratch in the wrong places. If you are not consistent you will allow him to think you are not serious and then it will be harder to train him. You should see some improvement in a week or so, but it will take a month to complete the training in full. If he has a slip up after that you just remind him for the next few days until he is back on track again.

I can tell you I have successfully trained every cat companion I've ever had over the years, using this method. That's a lot of cats, and they have been a mix of kittens, rescued adult cats, older cats, strays and semi-ferals. I never accept that a cat is too young, too old, or too stubborn to learn.

However, if your husband is not prepared to permit the allowances I have mentioned above and to
to be patient and kind with the cat whilst you retrain him, then it would be kinder to find the cat a new home. If you do decide to do this, I beg you, please do a proper home check of any potential adopter.
 
#37 ·
@chillminx: excellent helpful post; but, sadly, I fear you may be ''wasting your sweetness on the desert air'' (unquote). Another consideration is that if the cat becomes stressed as a result of husband's behaviour and attitude towards him, he may well begin to urinate in inappropriate places (the cat, not the husband) which would really give him something to complain about.
 
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