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Why do I feel a mug/resentful

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Irish Setter Gal, Aug 3, 2011.


  1. Irish Setter Gal

    Irish Setter Gal PetForums Senior

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    Situation is this:

    School holidays, next door neighbour has started work part time, three kids - two of which go to a childminder when she's at work, the older (aged 11) is left (at his request) at home alone.

    I'm at home on a week off work with my son (10). I am expecting my son to be off over yonder hills fishing, playing and generally doing boys stuff away from home returning only for refreshments, first aid as required and to check in occasionally.

    Neighbours child is very underconfident and won't play out beyond our immediate houses being scared of teenagers etc.

    Normally the kids mix in and out of each others houses, we feed them lunch or they feed them, it's neither here nor there - but this is usually when my neighbours/us are at home or we have arranged specifically to look after the kids for an hour whilst we do x/y or z.

    So why am I feeling resentful - today for the second full day I have had the neighbours son around all day, fed him lunch rather than send him home to make his own. I have suggested they go out and about, even take their lunch up to the park, but it's not happening with the underconfident child - and my son accommodates this weakness.
    I can hear them now in next doors garden both playing with the hose pipe and am unsure as to interfere or not, after all I haven't even been asked to keep an eye on neighbours child, but mine is there unsupervised (albeit by my ear over the fence).
    I feel that it would be unfair on my son to call him home and say to neighbours child - tough, you're on your own, you wanted this like it or lump it, go away.

    I feel really resentful of the situation I find myself in but at the same time recognise that my son does have somebody to play with. If my neighbours were home it wouldn't be a problem and no doubt one of us would take their child/ren out somewhere and invite the other. If I were to take my son off somewhere then I'd feel obliged to ask home alone child to come along with us.

    Sorry for long post - just feeling resentful.
     
  2. RAINYBOW

    RAINYBOW PetForums VIP

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    I understand what you are saying, friendly exchanges are one thing but unpaid childcare is a bit different. What is the deal if he hurts himself ?? That's quite a responsibility you have been given without asking for it.

    Personally I think 11 is a bit young to be "home alone" all day tbh. Ok if you are popping to tesco or have a few errands to run but all day is too long for most. I would imagine he does feel a bit bored and lonely so no suprise he is migrating to yours.

    I would see how it goes and if it's all the time have a chat with his Mum about how you think maybe he isnt enjoying being "home alone" as he is coming in yours all the time. Do you think you would feel better if it was a proper agreement between you and his Mum ?

    If it was his "choice" then she was clearly prepared to pay for childcare for him ;)
     
  3. momentofmadness

    momentofmadness PetForums VIP

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    I wouldn't leave my lad home alone..:( if I pop out and Jamie is out.. I ask a neighbour to keep an eye out (the house is locked and he knows this and knows to report to next door) and vice versa.. id be too worried of what could happen with him being alone. with access to an empty house..:(
     
  4. CreativeLC

    CreativeLC PetForums VIP

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    I do think 11 years old is too young for him to be home alone, especially as there are no older siblings to keep an eye on him. I can see why you are frustrated about the situation, I would be too. Maybe the neighbour thinks as you are home that you will keep an eye on him? I'm not sure what to suggest but maybe just talk to your neighbour about it.
     
  5. Irish Setter Gal

    Irish Setter Gal PetForums Senior

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    Oh I agree, 11 is too young to be left at home - legally I believe it's 14, and like you said - what happens if something serious happens to him, naturally I'll deal with it, but not right I feel responsible for himwithout beig asked to keep an eye on things.

    As it stands at the moment I can hear them playing on his dads electric guitar LOUDLY so it's ok when noise is occurring, it's when it goes quiet I worry.

    Mine now says he's refusing to go to 'holiday' activity centre next week when I'm at work, thinks he can stay at home with neighbours son ... yeah right. I see an argument brewing.
     
  6. FloydnFloss

    FloydnFloss PetForums Member

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    for some reason there is no legal minimum age to leave a child home alone, but I agree that 11 is too young to be left all day.

    I also agree with a previous poster that perhaps the best course of action is to speak to his mum and say that he is spending all day with you and being fed by you. If this were me, I would instantly either sort him childcare or ask if you are okay with this and if you said yes, would sort out some kind of compensation (be that free babysitting in turn, or financial)

    Hopefully she will do the same xx
     
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