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Where are your dogs that have sadly passed?

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by loubyfrog, Oct 22, 2012.

  1. loubyfrog

    loubyfrog PetForums VIP

    Feb 29, 2012
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    So sorry for the title but the reason i ask is because i feel so guilty and i'm torn as what to do :(

    My Barney passed 5 weeks ago,we got him cremated and the day he went i was adamant that we would take him down to the meadow where we used to walk at the bottom of our street and let him run free.

    Over a month has passed and Barney is still in his scatter tube in the box we collected him in on the windowsill in the living room.......I just can't bring myself to release him and let him go.

    I feel so selfish as i know how much he loved been in the meadows but every time hubby says how "its such a lovely day...why don't we take our Barnster" I just snap at him that i can't do it.

    I don't want to put Barney in the garden as we have no grass....just decking and paving slabs so he has nowhere to settle.I have bought a potted plant dedicated to him but if he goes in with the soil and the plant dies then i will be heartbroken.

    I maybe would like to buy a urn for him but feel so bad for keeping Barney in the house when i know deep down that he'd want to be out and about,running around like the excited doggy he was when he was full of health......I just wish that i wasn't mindset on letting him go at the beginning as now i feel so guilty and upset that i can't.

    I'm normally quite a rational person but for the last couple of weeks i have been in utter turmoil as to what to do.....do i carry on been selfish,transfer Barney to a urn and keep him in the house or do what i think is best for Barney and let him run free.:( I though as each day passed i would find it easier as to what to do but it doesn't.

    Thanks for reading.
  2. BessieDog

    BessieDog PetForums VIP

    May 16, 2012
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    I think you need to let him go and move on. Your lovely dog is not in the box - he's running free feeling no pain now. I suspect the reason that you don't want to spread his ashes is that you still feel such a loss at his passing.

    It doesn't really matter whether you keep his ashes close by you, or spread them in the meadow. If Barney were a human we'd be saying he'd want you to do whatever makes you happy. You need to deal with the grieving process of losing a much loved pet, and whatever helps you to do this is the right thing to do.

    I've never even asked for the ashes of my beloved dogs when they have gone - what made them my dogs, their 'soul' if you like, went running free.

    I've just written my own will, and in it I haven't stipulated what I what done with my ashes - I've left it to those left behind to do whatever makes them feel happier. I certainly won't be caring.
  3. Shazach

    Shazach PetForums VIP

    Dec 18, 2008
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    I'm sorry for your loss, it's a difficult question.

    Sheba was pts in the days when you didn't get ashes back from the vet :(
    Bess we scattered on a river walk where we have happy memories of her. It was her time, so I was ready I suppose.

    Red, I was (am) like you. He's in my lounge, near where he used to lie. I couldn't and can't bear the thought of letting him go - and it's four years next month. I don't know if it's because his death was a shock or because he felt more mine than the others. I thought about the garden, but what if I move? I thought about a potted plant but like you, what if it dies. A favourite walk? Well then he's not here with me. :(

    Zach, well when his time comes, I think they'll have to dig a hole big enough for me too.

    My alternative plan is just to have their ashes eventually put in my own coffin - I'm actually quite serious!!

    I hope you find a way that brings you peace x
    #3 Shazach, Oct 22, 2012
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2012
  4. pearltheplank

    pearltheplank PetForums VIP

    Oct 2, 2010
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    You will be able to scatter them when you are ready. That may take weeks, months or even years, there is no right time

    It took me a long time with both of mine. I planted a tree for my very first dog in the garden. It was chosen as it blossoms at the time of her passing.

    It's always hard to know what's right but your heary will tell you when that is
  5. 912142

    912142 PetForums VIP

    Mar 28, 2011
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    I don't think you are selfish - everyone deals with grief in different ways and you have to respect that and I say do what you feel is right for you.

    I have kept my dogs ashes and let my family know that I wish to be cremated and for my ashes to be scattered with my Danes and my Springers ashes on any of our regular walks.

    My family think I am being morbid but I believe we will walk together again someday.
  6. Tarnus

    Tarnus PetForums VIP

    Apr 5, 2011
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    I know exactly what you mean. I'd hate the thought of leaving them behind if they were buried/scattered in the garden. Even a favourite walk would be tough for me in the event that we moved away and couldn't visit that spot again. I have my own plans for what to do whenever that time comes with Izzy (and any future pets) to ensure they stay with me wherever we go.

    To the OP, there is no right and wrong way to cope. If you don't feel like you can let go of the ashes right now, you don't have to. You might feel ready one day, but if you never do then there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing selfish about it!
  7. babycham2002

    babycham2002 PetForums VIP

    Oct 19, 2009
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    My Red is buried in the garden, (not ashes)

    You are not being selfish, the day will come when you can let his ashes free, his soul already is

    So sorry for your loss
  8. tattoogirl73

    tattoogirl73 PetForums VIP

    Jun 26, 2011
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    bess's ashes are still in her box which i keep next to my bed. my family have got strict instructions that when anything happens to me we are to be scattered together. even though she has passed on, i still find it comforting sometimes to hold her box and pour out all my problems to her, just like i did when she was alive.
  9. Gertrude

    Gertrude PetForums VIP

    Feb 7, 2010
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    When My first dog was pts at the vets I stayed with her, then bought her home and she is buried in the back garden with a 'Pandora' [secret] statue on her 'place' ... that was 1994
    I just couldn't leave her at the vets to be cremated, and I've regretted it,
    because [like you] I wanted to set her free.

    When I got my second dog [1995] I vowed that when the time came I would definitely have her pts at home, not at the vets [if that was the case] and have her cremated so I could let her over go over the fields she loved

    She had to be pts in 2011 and it was done at home, but I just couldn't let the vet take her away - I really just couldnt let her go, so I know just how you're feeling :'( She is also buried in the garden.

    I bitterly regret not letting my dogs go where they loved to be ....just for my own very selfish reasons :mad:

    Also, I'd quite like to sell and move house but I cant! - I just cant bring myself to leave them behind :'( even tho I know they're both at Rainbow Bridge

    This is why I like the post below.... I'm going to think this thought every day :)
    Thank you BessieDog xx

  10. SLB

    SLB PetForums VIP

    Apr 25, 2011
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    When the time comes;

    Sadie will most likely be buried, it isn't up to me what happens :( I'd have her cremated and her ashes spread over Ulley Country Park.

    Benjie will most likely be either buried or his ashes spread in the garden.

    Louie and Pennie I would have their ashes spread over our favourite walk.

    Jack isn't mine so I have no idea what would happen should he pass.

    You take your time to grieve. But you have to let go soon. Keeping him isn't going to bring him back, especially when he's already free. It'll be hard. Let's face it, it's never easy. But please don't feel like you're being selfish. You're human and our humanity is what keeps us innocent and caring. You may never know when it is the right time to let go but you'll feel it. You may always wish you hadn't but he'll always be with you. In your heart and soul. His ashes are just what are left over, it's the memories and happiness you should never let go. The love that touched your heart.
    #10 SLB, Oct 22, 2012
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2012
  11. rona

    rona Still missing my boys

    Aug 18, 2011
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    Both my last two dogs are buried in their favourite places on farms, they were buried as soon as they were PTS.
    My OH kept the ashes of his little Collie here for quite a while before he was ready to let her go swimming in the canal she loved :)

    Don't feel guilty. If you think about it, he wouldn't want to hurt you in any way and he'd be there for a cuddle, but when you are ready to take him down the field, he'll be ready too :)
  12. Sezzastar

    Sezzastar PetForums Senior

    Oct 2, 2012
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    I feel very upset as my family home is in the process of being sold. It was where I grew up with my first dog, a BC called Spud, he was PTS at nearly 17 and my dad buried him in the garden. :( Im dreading when someone takes a liking to the house and wants to buy it.

    I think you should not make the decision quickly and not put pressure on yourself. You will know when the time is right.
  13. gesic

    gesic PetForums VIP

    Feb 19, 2009
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    Everyone is different and deal with grief in their own way.
    I washed a jumper yesterday, still covered in hair from my dog whom I lost in febuary, It was hard to put it in, but at the same time I thought its a jumper?? What the heck am I thinking??

    I had my boy individually cremated and although a morbid thought I want his ashes mixed with mine when my time comes.
    I miss him so very much and know I will never let a dog get under my skin the way he did :(
  14. loubyfrog

    loubyfrog PetForums VIP

    Feb 29, 2012
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    Thanks for the lovely words and for saying i'm not selfish.

    I think the main reason why i feel so bad is that Barneys ashes are in a scattering tube so its like he's in limbo waiting to be released.

    Maybe tomorrow i may feel that the time is right for him to go,but i'm just not ready today.

  15. PoisonGirl

    PoisonGirl Banned

    Oct 24, 2008
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    Xiva's ashes are in a lovely wooden box and they are on the shelf beside the fireplace.

    I do know someone who kept some of their dogs ashes in a lovely urn, and scattered the rest at her favourite place. No one is the same, so no one can tell you what is the best thing to do. :)
  16. jenniferx

    jenniferx PetForums VIP

    Jan 23, 2009
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    I have my dog's ashes in sealed wooden caskets in a memory box with their other possessions. I've always envisaged that when I die I will be cremated and then we will all 'go' together once and for all.
  17. Sled dog hotel

    Sled dog hotel PetForums VIP

    Aug 11, 2010
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    Ive lost 3 dogs so far and a cat and had all mine individual cremated and still have the ashes. When I go I would like a woodland burial and the plan is they will go with me as will any in the future. I had wooden caskets with their engraved name plates.
  18. Tigerneko

    Tigerneko PetForums VIP

    Jan 2, 2009
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    This is what my mum wants to do with Ruby's ashes!

    Our old dog, Buster is buried in the garden (well, his ashes are) and tbh I hate the thought that he is under there. He loved the garden and spent most of the remainder of his time either in the conservatory or in the garden. I know he would be happy to be in his garden, but I feel awful - like others have said, what about when we move? we can't take him with us and I would REALLY hate the thought of leaving him behind. My mum has talked of moving a few times and Buster's ashes are always the first thing that enters my head.

    I don't know what we will do with Tiger, he is such a lively, adventurous boy so scattering his ashes on 'our field' would be a nice idea, but at the same time, he hates being alone and loves being around us, so I would hate the thought of letting him go outside and having to leave him, I think i'd have to set up permanent camp in the field :lol: so I think i'd like to keep Tiger's ashes with us.
  19. Wildmoor

    Wildmoor PetForums Senior

    Oct 31, 2011
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    my 1st dog was buried in the garden, when i moved i felt guilty, i have moved again since then and never buried another dog, I have numerous caskets of various GSDs I have had over the years, I also have my husbands ashes with the dogs, he knew as my family know I wish to be cremated and my ashes will be scattered with my dogs, when his time was near he decided that his ashes would also go with the dogs and wait untill i pass on, so they all remain together in their individual caskets my dogs and my husband
    my couison who has a different breed also wants her ashes to be scattered with her Old English dogs ashes who have passed

    Only you can make the descision that is right for you - no one else can
  20. cravensmum

    cravensmum PetForums VIP

    Jun 28, 2010
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    Where are your dogs that have sadly passed?

    Mine are in my heart,in my head,in my memories,in photos's.:)

    I'm not a great believer in keeping ashes etc .:eek:

    But if I were to get their ashes back,they would be scattered on some of our favourite walks,I wouldn't be keeping them in the house.

    A lot of the places I walk hold special memories of my last dog and the family dogs,and the memories are all I need.

    But we are all different,you will deal with your loss in your own way.
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