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What would you do?

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by HMercedes, Sep 7, 2020.


  1. HMercedes

    HMercedes PetForums Newbie

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    So to cut a very long story short. I live in Germany now but previously lived in the UK. I got my dog spayed in the UK and we were due to go back to Germany a couple of weeks after. Unfortunately the spay wound ruptured and my dog had to have emergency surgery a few days before we were meant to fly. My good friend agreed to take her while she recovered and I would fly back in a few weeks to pick her up.
    Then covid Hit and we were stuck in lockdown. I then had major pregnancy complications which landed me on hospital bed rest for weeks and unable to fly. I am finally due to go back at get my dog after 6 long months and people are pressuring me to leave her with my friend and her young son who has obviously got very attached :(

    i feel so awful for causing this stress to a young child (he’s 13) and I just feel so torn. Doubly so because I brought the dog with my mums inheritance money after she died.. I also had to get my mums dog (whom I adopted) put down and fell into quite a deep depression. Getting Harley, my lovely King Charles pulled me out of one of the darkest places I’ve ever been in. She has a very sentimental meaning to me as well as being my best friend and fur baby. I just feel so torn and awful for hurting my friends son and I guess I’m just looking for advice about what you would do in this situation?
     
  2. LinznMilly

    LinznMilly Moderator
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    Hi.

    This isn't about your friend's son, and it's got nothing to do with "people". This is between you and your friend. Find out what she says, what her thoughts are on the matter, then take it from there. It could be that she's ready for you to take the dog back.

    Me? Well, what I would have done isn't helpful to you, but seeing as you asked... I wouldn't have boarded a plane without my dog/s. Either I'd have waited to get the surgery done in Germany, or cancelled/rearranged the flight.
     
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  3. Arny

    Arny PetForums VIP

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    Personally I would bring your dog home.
    They could have had their own dog but don't for whatever reason or they could decide to get their own dog now they've had the joy of looking after one.

    I moved country for nearly 4 years (was meant to be shorter) leaving behind my 3 cats with 2 very generous and caring people. They knew I would have my cats back when I returned.
    As soon as I got home I got my cats.
     
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  4. HMercedes

    HMercedes PetForums Newbie

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    My friend of course wants to reunite her with me, but she will also miss her understandably. My dog was in a life and death situation and the surgery could not of waited until I got back to Germany, not only was she unfit to fly, her internal organs came out of her spay wound and she would have died if I had not taken her for emergency surgery immediately. I guess you don’t have young children in a foreign country waiting on your return or a job to start... and therefore have the flexibility of just cancelling flights and waiting for weeks for your dogs recovery, sadly I don’t have the same flexibility and wasn’t in a position to do that otherwise I would have :(
     
  5. HMercedes

    HMercedes PetForums Newbie

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    Thanks for replying. It’s comforting to know, I am being made to feel selfish for wanting my dog back despite all that she means to me. I know I will take her home with me as life has been so empty without her, I guess I’m just looking for reassurance that I’m not an evil selfish person for wanting her back - as was always planned!
     
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  6. Happy Paws2

    Happy Paws2 PetForums VIP

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    She's your dog and they always knew you would want her back so go and get her. As above the boy might be upset, but they can get their own dog.
     
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  7. LinznMilly

    LinznMilly Moderator
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    Of course you're not selfish for wanting her back. She's your dog, your friend always knew it was a temporary arrangement, it seems she's ready for you to take her back, so go and get her.

    Of course the emergency surgery couldn't wait until you got back home - but the spay could have, and that's what I was referring to.
     
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  8. Lurcherlad

    Lurcherlad PetForums VIP

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    It was a temporary arrangement - Covid just complicated it.

    She’s your dog so don’t let others make you feel guilty for wanting to go and get her, as planned.
     
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  9. katla

    katla PetForums Junior

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    I agree with what everybody else has said. You mustn't let your friend guilt you into giving up your dog just because it'll make her son sad if you don't.

    His parents should have made it clear to him that your dog was only staying with them on a temporary basis. So he should be able to deal with parting with the dog and they should help him through that process if he's finding it hard to say goodbye.

    You shouldn't have to go through the heartache of giving up your dog just because your friend is making you feel uncomfortable about the situation.

    It sounds like you're trying to do the best you can for your family, your dog and yourself. Putting your friend's son's feelings before the best interests of your family, your dog and yourself doesn't seem right.

    Wishing you the best of luck!
     
  10. HMercedes

    HMercedes PetForums Newbie

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    Ah I see what you mean! I just got the spray done in the UK as she was already late getting it done and I didn’t want to delay it even further in case she had another season! In hindsight of course I wish I had it done in Germany. Just wish my mother in law and other family members weren’t so negative about me taking the dog back. I have a new born and toddler and they just say the dog is better off with my friend, I guess they just don’t know what she means to me and how ‘just a dog’ saved my life pretty much!! Thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate hearing your thoughts and advice. It means so much ❤️
     
  11. Happy Paws2

    Happy Paws2 PetForums VIP

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    Please keep in touch and let us how you get on and please can we have a picture of her when you get her home.:)
     
  12. HMercedes

    HMercedes PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you so much for your reply you have really made me feel better about this. My friend is actually being fine, she knows I love and miss her whilst recognising her son will find this really hard :( but has been open to him from the beginning that she will be coming back with me. But it’s actually my family and in laws who are pressuring me to give the dog away (they are not animal people) and making me feel guilting for breaking the boys heart and equally incapable of caring for my children and dog at the same time?! ah god, I digress, but thank you so much for your reply, it means a lot ❤️
     
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  13. HMercedes

    HMercedes PetForums Newbie

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    Aww of course! This is Harley , she is just beautiful inside and out! I will update with pictures once I have home back home thank you again ❤️
     

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  14. Happy Paws2

    Happy Paws2 PetForums VIP

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    She's beautiful, there no way would I give her up.
     
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  15. HMercedes

    HMercedes PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you! She really is. And just the kindest most gentle soul, of course I am biased, but it’s hard not to fall in love with her
     
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  16. katla

    katla PetForums Junior

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    Ah sorry, I misunderstood!

    Regardless of your in laws' views on animals, this is your family, your dog and your life. Plenty of people have dogs and raise kids at the same time.

    Hope her journey home goes smoothly!
     
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  17. LinznMilly

    LinznMilly Moderator
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    I get it! I have severe eczema (I'm sure long-term members are sick of hearing me about going on about my skin. Sorry, guys. :Bag ) and for years, my dad insisted every time it was a little worse than it had been, that it was the dogs.
    "Get rid of the dog/s." He said.
    "The dogs stay, dad."
    "Well, when Milly dies, give yourself a few years off -, see what happens with your skin."

    Then we went on a week-long cruise together - everything in my case was brand new and completely untouched by the dogs. No way for contamination. My skin never improved. Then I went vegan. Skin improves dramatically. Turns out I'm allergic to dairy and eggs - not dogs. :D

    Max (my eldest dog) died two years ago. Once I was over the grief, the hole left by him meant I spent every waking moment going, "I want a dog. I want another dog.". (I still had Milly). If I'd seen someone in the street, asking people if they wanted the dog they were with, I'd have had the leash in my hands so damned quick the seller wouldn't have known what hit them. :D :Bag I'm just a dog person. Actually, scratch that - I'm a two dog person.

    It took about 6 months of my mind torturing me like that, but in the end I got Honey as a free to good home case. My dad no longer talks about me not getting another dog when Milly or Honey pass, because my own skin has proven him wrong, and because he realises (I hope) that whilst I'll listen to his opinion, in the end, I'll follow my heart and my head, no matter what his objections (he's not really a dog person, either, although he loves my girls - even if he won't admit it).

    I've been in hospital - not for months, but for up to 2 weeks. What I wanted more than anything, when I was discharged, were my dogs. And from their reaction, they missed me just as much as I missed them.

    My point is, I get it. I understand the pressure from families. Guilt tripping you into giving your dog up isn't an act of love (and even they're not really thinking about the boy) and it's not in anyone's best interest but theirs. You know better than anyone whether or not you can cope. This isn't about them, and as I said before, it's not about a boy in Britain who's about to get a valuable lesson in the love between dog and owner. ;). If they wish, they can get their own dog. Your girl belongs with you and your family.

    She's beautiful, by the way. :D

    Please do stick around. With family like that, maybe you need the opposing, unbiased opinions of the forum anyway. :cool:
     
  18. Linda Weasel

    Linda Weasel PetForums VIP

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    Most stuff has been said.

    The 13 year old boy will soon be out with his friends, studying, going on to college/uni, and so on, and will get over it anyway. Or they can get him his own dog if that’s the way they want to go.

    Your dog should be with you and how guilty would you feel if you ‘abandoned’ her?

    I don’t understand why anybody would say differently.
     
  19. HMercedes

    HMercedes PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply!! Sorry for the delay in getting back, for some reason I’ve stopped getting emails about this thread.
    Sorry about your dog max :( it’s so hard when we have to part ways, I can truly empathise. That loss is so great and trying to explain that to a non-animal person is very futile. I’m glad your dad has stopped with the get rid of the dog comments though, as I know how hurtful it is to hear that constantly.

    Im finally reunited with my girlie and I know I made the right decision. She hasn’t left my side since we got home and seems to be well adjusted again. I have missed her so much and my home finally feels complete!! I’ll be sticking about on here for sure. Thank you again for the support , I. Really really appreciate it ❤️
     
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  20. HMercedes

    HMercedes PetForums Newbie

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    No need to apologise! And thank you, we are all
    Finally home and I am so glad to have her back with me, I’ve missed my furry best friend xx
     
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