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What do you do about money if one of you earns more than the other?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Megan345, Aug 22, 2013.


  1. Megan345

    Megan345 PetForums VIP

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    This isn't something I've had to think about until quite recently, and I don't know what other people do as it's obviously quite a private subject for some. For that reason, if you don't feel comfortable answering, don't ;)

    The way we've done it until now, as we both had exactly the same amount as students, was to put money to cover the bills in a pot, and use the rest as personal spare money for buying whatever we each want to. We didn't need to worry about savings, as we were only on £12,000 combined.

    I mulled over various options now we've got proper jobs:
    • Both putting exactly the same amount into the pot. This meant that maybe we wouldn't be able to afford as big a house, or other nice things, though, and it'd be pretty unfair on the lower earner - not their fault, after all.
    • Both putting money into the pot based on a percentage of earnings. This way we'd be able to afford a little more, and the one who earned more would have more personal spending money.
    • Putting both wages together, doling out an equal amount of personal money each, and putting whatever's left over after bills in a savings account for a house deposit.

    We decided on the last option as fairest all round, no matter who earns more now or in the future. It should mean neither of us feel hard done by or unfairly put upon.

    What do you reckon? What's the fairest way of doing it? How do people normally do it?
     
  2. ouesi

    ouesi Guest

    Both paychecks go in to the same account - none of it is "mine" or "yours", it's all "ours" :)

    We both have equal say in how any left-over money is spent. Not that there is ever any left-over LOL....
     
  3. SammyJo

    SammyJo PetForums VIP

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    This:

    Both putting money into the pot based on a percentage of earnings.

    Even though we are both putting every last penny away at the moment for a decent deposit on a house.

    My OH has a business - aside from his full time job. I help him with what I can to get money in quicker for our deposit (we don't "pay ourselves" it all goes in the savings pot)

    I think its what works for you as a couple, everyone is different and has different ways of looking at money / incomes etc.

    We have a goal - and are getting there by working together :D
     
  4. Fleur

    Fleur Vassal to Lilly and Ludo

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    We do this as well. Especially as my OH has always earned more money than me and for 9 years I wasn't earning at all.
     
  5. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

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    On the two occasions where I have lived with someone, or married as the current status is, there have been three bank accounts.

    His own personal a/c.
    My own personal a/c.

    A separate a/c for household bills into which an agreed sum is paid each month to cover all household outgoings except food.

    This has worked very well over the years and it means that whatever money was left over belonged to that person.

    If we were saving for something, then extra was paid into the joint a/c by both parties.

    Derek did not want a joint a/c when we got married due to a bad experience with his ex-shopaholic wife. I was happy to keep my own money separate due to having always looked after myself, for many years, and not being comfortable with someone else accessing my account.

    It works for us but I know the IWC thinks it is a weird set up as all her accounts are joint ones. But she forgets she was a stay at home mother for many years and that changes the set-up.

    You have to do whatever works best for yourself but I always advise that both parties should have their own individual accounts where they save some money even if it is just a small portion of their wage.

    However, most sensible women will have a bank account somewhere that their other halfs don't know about 'just in case'..... ;)
     
    Megan345 likes this.
  6. poohdog

    poohdog PetForums VIP

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    If a man had said that you lot would rip him to bits.
     
  7. francesandjon

    francesandjon PetForums VIP

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    We both have personal bank accounts where our wages get paid in to.

    We have a joint account where the mortgage, bills, shopping etc gets paid from.

    Until recently I was putting a bit more into the joint account (£100 extra) as I was bringing home more money monthly but now we pay in the same as OH has a better paid job.

    Occasionally, towards the end of the month, the money in the joint account runs a little low so I end up paying for the shopping but I don't mind that as I'm sure it would be cheaper if I bought ready made stuff and junk, rather than fresh fruit/veg and ingredients to make meals from scratch that I do.
     
  8. ouesi

    ouesi Guest

    Or.... don't share your life (and bank account) with someone if you feel the need for a "just in case" escape plan?

    I consider myself a sensible woman, and I don't have a secret bank account. If I didn't trust my OH to that extent, I wouldn't be with him.

    I would certainly be livid if I found out he had a secret bank account!
     
  9. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

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    Even the very best of relationships can turn sour..... Absolutely nothing wrong with having some security squirrelled away for a rainy day.

    ETA: Even more so if you have children. You need to ensure they can always be looked after. There are far too many cases of men walking out on their families and leaving them high & dry. Also too many cases of the wife never seeing it coming.
     
    #9 MoggyBaby, Aug 22, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2013
  10. Megan345

    Megan345 PetForums VIP

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    I'd have to say I agree with this... I know of two marriages, both very relevant to me, that have broken up and one partner has been left with nothing (one a man, one a woman). Neither of them ever envisaged being left skint twenty years after they got married - or splitting up at all, for that matter.

    Hope for the best, plan for the worst?
     
  11. lilythepink

    lilythepink PetForums VIP

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    Married for 33 years and 4 kids.

    No such thing here as his or hers money, everything is in 1 pot.
     
  12. lostbear

    lostbear Bear right at Newcastle . . .

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    OH and I have always just combined our earnings as though they were one big earning, and bought what ever we needed from it. No this -is-mine-and-that-is-yours. We work on the theory that if we are a couple, we're in it for the long haul and share equally, and if we aren't prepared to share, then maybe we shouldn't be together.
     
  13. patterdalelass

    patterdalelass PetForums Senior

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    Whats his is mine..and what's mines me own..:D

    Only joshing.It works for us that my wages in my account pays for animals and our food shopping plus any sundries that crop up,his wages in joint account pay the house bills and again any sundries like his car costing £600 last month!!:crying:
     
  14. newfiesmum

    newfiesmum Banned

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    I think my late husband and I had the best arrangement. Since my job was caring for the children and the house, we had a joint account into which he put the money and I took it out. Can't say fairer than that:p
     
  15. ouesi

    ouesi Guest

    Well I must be an idiot then.
    I have children, I have no rainy day pot squirrel away.
    I have equal access to the joint bank account, I check it on-line, I know how much goes in and where it goes when it goes out, and I think I'd notice if there was anything iffy going on.

    These are not the days of women taking a helpless, passive role in their lives with no recourse but sneaky tactics. We don't have to get our husband's permission to work outside of the home or have access to the bank account. I have an excellent job with benefits, even if he were to clean out our bank account, I have the next pay check coming, and I have legal recourse to get back what he took and then some.

    If women want to be treated as equals we have to behave as such. Empowered women have no need to sneak around to "protect" themselves. And behaving this way just perpetuates the myth that we are at the mercy of the whims of these more powerful male-beings. It's just not true.

    I refuse to live my life as if my OH were going to suddenly turn in to the stuff bad hollywood movies are made of. JMO, but that's a self-fulfilling prophecy waiting to happen. I treat my husband as a trustworthy, decent human being, and lo and behold, that's what he acts like. If he did not, I would not change how I manage my finances, I would change how I manage my relationships.
     
    Spellweaver likes this.
  16. Valanita

    Valanita PetForums VIP

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    This is how we work it...
    What is mine, is mine & what is his is mine too.:biggrin::biggrin:
     
  17. delca1

    delca1 PetForums VIP

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    We always had a joint account, OH always earnt more but it was never a mine and his thing.
    I only work part time now and my wages go in a new account for me, his still go in the joint account that I happily spend. There are no secret stashes, my account tends to pay for holidays etc, if needed it is used for day to day stuff.

    However many accounts you have I don't see how it affects the size of house you can afford between you.
    Surely if you're together you have trust in each other and commitment.
     
  18. Megan345

    Megan345 PetForums VIP

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    Those of you who put everything in together, how do you feel if one wants to spend more than the other? For example, my OH loves buying tools for his workshop, but I couldn't care less about a new table saw or grinder. Would that not annoy you, if he spent hundreds of your pounds on stuff you didn't want? Meaning there was less for you to, for example, fix your motorbike, or buy clothes, or whatever your 'thing' is?

    (For the record, this doesn't happen to us, this is why we have separate accounts :p )
     
  19. gskinner123

    gskinner123 PetForums VIP

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    Nothing much to add, really. Just wanted to say what a great post.

    Secret bank accounts? FGS.....
     
  20. delca1

    delca1 PetForums VIP

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    It's never an issue. OH earns more, he does spend money on his motorbike among other things but doesn't go mad. I buy stuff for me too, again not an issue but we only do what can be afforded. If he spent a fortune that left us struggling or in debt then thats different but it's never happened yet - 25 years of sharing so far.
     
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