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Un asked for advice feeling glum

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by Boxer123, Nov 7, 2019.


  1. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    One of my neighbors has s lab I bump into him a lot. Yesterday we met and it's really been playing on my mind. As they approached Loki went into a play bow. His dog is very well behaved and trotted past us Loki bounced around a bit.

    Him: you need to let him off the lead that's the problem.

    Me: he does go off but not if anyone else is around.

    Him: you need to work on recall. He needs lots of exercise he can't get it on the lead.

    Me; we are working on it.

    On it went I think he meant well but I came away feeling rubbish I would love to have him off lead and trotting next to me but we are not there. Today Loki saw them in the distance and barked at him I think he thinks I'm a rubbish owner.

    Ever get advice you don't ask for ?
     
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  2. Veba

    Veba PetForums Member

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    I don't. Benefit of resting bitch face.

    :)
     
  3. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    I need this face ! This made me laugh.
     
  4. tabelmabel

    tabelmabel PetForums VIP

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    No. Noone gives me advice either! I always manage to look like i know what im doing. Even when everything is falling apart.


    But did get some sarcasic comment advice once when murphy ran onto the golf course. Like when he was already well across the golf course and a golfer offered up 'you need a lead on that dog'

    I called over to see if she had any more helpful tips like that but none were forthcoming.

    Like @Veba though, at close range, no one ever gives me advice.
     
  5. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    Trust Murphys! I seem to attract Middle aged men giving advice. Irritating thing Loki didn't do anything wrong he was just on a lead. I do let him off but further up.
     
  6. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    Ps I want a selfie of both your faces now to practice mine :D
     
  7. Blitz

    Blitz PetForums VIP

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    I do not object to friendly advice. It is seldom anything I would follow so I just smile and try and change the subject. Really cant see why it matters. I was helping a friend with her dog pulling and barking at other dogs even in the distance and someone offered up some fairly ridiculous advice when we stopped at the side of the path to let him stand quietly and watch dogs go by (very successfully) but all it means is someone had the interest and time to stop and help. What is wrong with that.
     
  8. tabelmabel

    tabelmabel PetForums VIP

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    I suppose it depends on your self esteem. If you're confident in what you're doing, it's going to be water off a duck's back. But if you're not, it can just feel like criticism and cause you to question yourself. Especially if the advice-giver chooses to give advice on something you're already feeling vulnerable about.
     
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  9. tabelmabel

    tabelmabel PetForums VIP

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    Thinking back, when i was in my early 20s and just moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) my mother in law used to give advice on how to keep my house clean. Well, our house.

    And i was very vulnerable at that time because i wanted to make a good impression and show that i was going to be a good daughter in law. But housework bores me silly. It's just not for me.
    It probably wasnt til i hit my 30s that i stopped letting her comments bother me. By that time, i was confident in my ability to run a house and family and i knew my ways worked fine in my house.
     
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  10. Blitz

    Blitz PetForums VIP

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    True, but then maybe listen to the advice and go home and mull it over and see if there was anything worth using. Different advice works for different dogs and owners so it is not necessarily bad advice, just not appropriate for you. However experienced and confident you are sometimes you can glean something from another person. I think 'out of the mouths of babes' is quite a relevant saying.

    Also depends on how the advice is given of course.
     
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  11. Magyarmum

    Magyarmum PetForums VIP

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    Poor you! I do know the feeling of being the most incompetent dog owner in the world! Not very nice!

    A few weeks ago at group dog training I got lectured for a good half hour about how I was allowing my two monsters to dominate me. How I must work on building up a bond with them (as if I don't already have a close one with both of them) How I don't trust them, because would you believe, they're kept on their leads walking on roads busy with large tractors and lorries .......... and much more! All this from a someone who was young enough to be my granddaughter.

    Obviously despite owning dogs for over 60 years I've learnt absolutely NOTHING!
     
  12. tabelmabel

    tabelmabel PetForums VIP

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    Lol @Blitz i can totally understand where you are coming from but i can also 100% understand how @Boxer123 feels.

    When in converstation, sometimes useful tips can come up in covo as part of a mutual and respectful conversation but when it's just unsolicited one-sided 'advice' it can serve to undermine confidence. Advice given by neighbours and passers by is very rarely of genuine use. Well, it wouldnt be for me anyway.

    Even when i pay to hear advice, im not always receptive to hearing it!
     
  13. Blitz

    Blitz PetForums VIP

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    Nor me, but it is surprising how often someone with little apparent knowledge has come up with a gem of common sense on all sorts of subjects, not dogs in particular.
     
  14. tabelmabel

    tabelmabel PetForums VIP

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    :D:D:D

    A perfect description of myself, i feel! I am that someone:)
     
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  15. StormyThai

    StormyThai Moderator
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    All the time...as a small person walking a big dog it's ridiculous the amount of unsolicited advice we have received over the years...

    My best response is just to smile and wave, smile and wave!
    You usually find it's those that have have one or two easy dogs that have just plodded on with whatever...I'm never rude, but I don't go out to walk my dog to hear "advice" from random strangers so I just avoid lol
     
  16. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    I don't think he was trying to be unkind but I am aware I'm having a torrid time with Loki and am working on recall. Had I let him off he would have dive bombed the mans well behaved lab.

    I am a bit sensitive at the moment having had my ex inform me he would have been better behaved with him.


    I do think it depends on the advice given. I met another man who spent time talking about scent games to try with Loki that was useful.


    I can imagine I get it with Sox and he is no bother really but is huge.
     
  17. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    Poor you ! I think some see the lead as a failure very frustrating.
     
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  18. Lurcherlad

    Lurcherlad PetForums VIP

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    Smile and ignore ;)

    You know your dog and you’re working on it. Letting him off then could have set your training progress back, and you’ll be the one dealing with the fallout.

    If I’d heeded others’ comments of “let him off the lead for a good run” with Jack, chances are he’d have been hit by a car :rolleyes:

    As it is, having been picked up as a stray, he’s survived nearly 8 years with me and seems happy and healthy enough.

    Your dog - your choice :)
     
  19. O2.0

    O2.0 PetForums VIP

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    I think it speaks well of you that you question yourself. Self-reflection is not a bad thing, even when it is uncomfortable. It just means you're able and willing to grow, and that's a good thing :)

    That's not to say you're doing anything wrong with Loki. He's a teenage boxer, he's going to be a PITA no matter who's training or working with him, anyone who thinks otherwise is inexperienced or uneducated or both.

    I do think sometimes people are just trying to make conversation. And sometimes that person is a little insecure themselves and they're talking more to convince themselves that what they're doing is right. Whatever the reason, you don't have to listen or let it bother you. Yes, easier said than done, but can be done with practice.

    Before you know it, Loki will be a mature, good citizen and you'll be able to look back and be proud of how far you've both come. Then the next puppy you'll be less vulnerable to feeling bad because you'll have the experience under your belt.
     
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  20. Dog Walker Woman

    Dog Walker Woman PetForums Member

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    Well, I would like to commend you for taking responsibility for your dog, and keeping him under control when necessary.
    My oldest collie, when he was a puppy, used to be regularly overwhelmed by a friends young Boxer who was always a distance from her owner and used to come barreling over and jump all over him.
    How I wished he would have kept her on the lead.
    Young Boxers are very energetic, over enthusiastic and not the easiest to manage, but it sounds to me like you are doing well despite the stress and the neighbour and ex partners unhelpful remarks !
     
    #20 Dog Walker Woman, Nov 7, 2019
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2019
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