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To everyone! the last laff is on me!! READ! you'll pee yourselves

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by DoubleTrouble, Jul 10, 2009.


  1. I am decided after much consideration to take a lenghty forum break! The reasons for this are unique to me!!! I have no intention of stomping of, chucking my rattle out my pram of throwing a strop! just plain and simple time for me to sit back and ask myself is there really a place for me here!
    So my account it open! and who knows!! one day when I am in a better frame of mind I will be back!!

    In the meantime my daughter sent me a great pm today, it had me peeing myself!!! I just could not wait to let you all see it! Just see it as the last laff was on ole DT!!!


    AND PLEASE! Wuill someone make sure Janice see's this please as much of this applies to her!!
    Have a good summer everyone!
    love
    DT

    'Gettin' old' - this is Brilliant!
    >
    >
    >
    > Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
    > Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel,
    > do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?'
    >
    > Mabel answered, 'I have a suppository in my ear?'
    >
    > She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, 'Ethel, I'm glad you
    > saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.'
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the
    > paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers
    > delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly,
    > 'You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea.'
    >
    > Replied the widow, 'I nursed him night and day so of course I know he
    > died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to
    > remember him as a great lover rather than the big **** he always was.'
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were
    > standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up
    > and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't
    > find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise
    > that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks
    > went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: 'Sir,
    > sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean
    > We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and
    > in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . please advise.'
    >
    > The old man faxed back: 'Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.'
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At
    > the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out
    > when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a
    > faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually
    > alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a
    > ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again
    > carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the
    > husband cries out, 'Watch that wall!'
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park
    > bench sobbing her eyes out.. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She
    > said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home He makes love to me every
    > morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and
    > freshly ground coffee.'
    >
    > I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?'
    >
    > She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies
    > and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.'
    >
    > I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'
    >
    > She said, 'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my
    > favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m. '
    >
    > I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying?'
    >
    > She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
    > they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
    > activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
    >
    >
    > One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
    > 'Now don't get mad at me.. I know we've been friends for a long
    > time....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,
    > but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'
    >
    > Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
    > glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > THE SENILITY PRAYER
    >
    > Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
    > the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
    > and the eyesight to tell the difference.
    >
    >
    >
     
    #1 DoubleTrouble, Jul 10, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 10, 2009
  2. Baby Bordie

    Baby Bordie PetForums VIP

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    I didnt inly pee myself... I sh*t myself! LMAO!!!! :D:p DT, You will be missed! :(
     
  3. LostGirl

    LostGirl PetForums VIP

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    You'll be missed DT :(

    xx
     
  4. 3 red dogs

    3 red dogs PetForums VIP

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    THE SENILITY PRAYER

    Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
    the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
    and the eyesight to tell the difference.

    I hear that hun!!!
     
  5. kath123

    kath123 Guest

    Bye DT, Take Care
    Kathx
     
  6. Take care sweetie, you have my number and know how to find me xxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  7. borderer

    borderer Guest

    bye dt:001_wub::prrr::001_tt1::nonod::nonod:
     
  8. noushka05

    noushka05 Unicorn denier. Snowflake. Activist ;)

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    Hahahaaaa they are Brilliant!:lol:

    Bye Bye DT:crying: xxx
     
  9. DevilDogz

    DevilDogz Guest

    Bye Bye DT..Take care.


    They are brilliant :thumbup:
     
  10. Bethany

    Bethany Guest

    Hello Sue. I am not sure if you will see this on here or not. I have really enjoyed reading all of your post's , and i for one think the place won't be the same. Sometime's we have to move on , and sometime's we need a break from the 'norm '. I pop on from time to time just to read some of the great post's on here. Your wit, character and amusing thread's will be missed by us. I have'nt been a member for long , and really only joined to post for Samantha , but during that time you supported us and never let us forget you was there if we needed you.
    Before i retired from forensic's i went through a stage of not wanting to go to work, i was sick to the back teeth of having to see some of the sight's i had to see. A collegue of mine saw that i was having a tough time and came in one day with something for me , he had bought me a T-Shirt and accross the front was a saying that has kept me going to this very day. I will share that with you, it read ' DON'T LET THE BA****DS GET YOU DOWN '
    Forever in your debt Sue. Mac , Diane and family
     
  11. rottiesloveragdolls

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    are you trying to say something there paul?
    we all have our favorites dont we :001_tt2:
     
    1 person likes this.
  12. that was lovely mac, and a sentiment shared by many i am sure xxx
     
  13. Bethany

    Bethany Guest

    Hello There. Indeed we do . Mac
     
  14. sallyanne

    sallyanne Guest

    Bye DT,
    I know how and where to find you :001_tt2:

    Take care,
    Love Sal xx
     
  15. rottiesloveragdolls

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    hello stranger how you been ;)
     
  16. gorgeous

    gorgeous PetForums VIP

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    I never got to know ya Dt but bye bye anyway!
     
  17. DevilDogz

    DevilDogz Guest

    I agree..DT brought so much to this forum, she has helped so many people and shared her knowledge..
    DT has also been there for me on many occasions and has helped me realise so many things :eek:
    I will be sad to see her leave as i truelty belive this forum would be a better place with her!!
     
  18. Bethany

    Bethany Guest

    Hello. Stranger? I pop on quite a lot, i do not post a lot . We are well thank-you. Mac & Di
     
  19. justenuf

    justenuf PetForums Member

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    Get to the point, tell it as it is and be true to yourself............ that's what I like.....that's what you did.........I'll miss that............take good care and come back soon. love Julie & Chloe xxx:wink5:
     
  20. rottiesloveragdolls

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    glad to here it must keep missing each other :( did yiou enjoy your break away
     
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