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Think you might like this.. how to pill a cat

Discussion in 'Cat Chat' started by KittyKat1, Aug 10, 2009.

  1. KittyKat1

    KittyKat1 PetForums Member

    May 28, 2009
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    Instructions for giving your cat a pill

    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.

    2. Position left forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.

    3. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    4. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm again and repeat process.

    5. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    6. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    7. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

    8. Kneel on floor with cat held firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat’s head firmly with one hand while forcing mouth open. Drop pill down mouth and rub cat’s throat vigerously.

    9. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    10. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse’s armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat’s mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    11. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    12. Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    13. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw blood-stained T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    14. Ring the Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

    15. Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat’s mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint water down throat to wash pill down.

    16. Get spouse to drive you to the local accident and emergency department; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call in to furniture shop on way home to order new table.

    17. Arrange for vet to make a house call.

    Found this on the internet, don't know who wrote it. It made me laugh as I have a kitten on medication at the mo!
    amylou8 likes this.
  2. yep our cats sure are difficult to get to take their wormers. number 8 sounds about right. I get a bath towel and wrap them in it and hold them between my knees so they cant move and have to hold their moths shut and rub throat to get them to swallow. Sounds mean but its the only way i can get the tablet down them. My Rottie on the other hand thinks its a treat and its gone in seconds:D
  3. hayleyb

    hayleyb PetForums VIP

    Feb 10, 2009
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    ha ha this is funny. ive seen one on how to wrap an xmas present whith a dog and a puppy lol
  4. Acacia86

    Acacia86 PetForums VIP

    Dec 30, 2008
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    I get a towel and wrap kitty, then procede with the ''evil tablet'' (i am sure this is how my cats think of the wormer!!)
  5. sequeena

    sequeena PetForums VIP

    Apr 30, 2009
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    I saw this there is also a how to pill a dog version...get the pill and put it in his food LOL
  6. Cat_Crazy

    Cat_Crazy PetForums VIP

    Jul 15, 2009
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    Was laughing so much reading this!!

    It certainly sums up my little princess, I take her the vets for them to worm and flea treat her as she will not even let me apply drops on the back of her neck!
  7. amylou8

    amylou8 PetForums Member

    Mar 3, 2009
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    This made me laugh outloud at my desk, great post!! :D
  8. thompsonk

    thompsonk PetForums Member

    Jul 4, 2009
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    I wormed the kittens yesterday :( and I've just wormed Tilda, she hates me and I'm a horrible person :(:(
  9. picaresque

    picaresque Mongrelist

    Jun 25, 2009
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    That's pretty much how it plays out here, multiplied by six :rolleyes:

    Thank god for Profender spot-on!


    Jul 8, 2009
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    That's just brilliant and so funny. Ive given up trying to give my cat pills and now use liquid solution instead. Trying to give some cats pills is a very painful experience and the cat always wins...lol. :D:lol::lol:
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