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Summary of my last year on the computer:

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Anele Jessica, Nov 17, 2007.

  1. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only
    get answered if I forward an email to seven of my
    friends and make a wish within five minutes.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will
    change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill
    Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
    participating in their special e-mail program.

    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one
    about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now
    have to use a wet towel with every envelope that
    needs sealing.

    Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I
    open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to
    a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for
    the 1,387,258th time.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
    though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have
    363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.
    Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

    I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
    actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
    because it can remove toilet stains.

    I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone
    along to watch the car so a serial killer won't
    crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

    I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the
    people who make these products are atheists who
    refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

    And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of
    water in the microwave anymore because it will blow
    up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

    I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
    because I could be pricked with a needle infected
    with AIDS.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
    will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since

  2. (cont..)

    they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

    I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
    don't support our American troops or the Salvation

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will
    ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone
    bill with calls to
    Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore,

    I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
    since I now have their recipe.

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
    because a big brown African spider is lurking under
    the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my

    And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick
    up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it
    probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
    underneath my car to grab my leg.

    I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas
    from certain gas companies!

    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
    people in the next 20 minutes, a large dove with
    diarrhea will land on your head at
    5:00 PM this
    afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
    your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know
    this will occur because it actually happened to a
    friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's
    second husband's cousin's beautician...

    Have a wonderful day....

    Oh, by the way.....

    A South American scientist from
    Argentina, after a
    lengthy study, has discovered that people with
    insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with
    their hand on the mouse.

    Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

    Have a wonderful Day
  3. mell-e-c

    mell-e-c PetForums Member

    Nov 2, 2007
    Likes Received:
    He He very good!
  4. plumo72

    plumo72 PetForums VIP

    Nov 2, 2007
    Likes Received:
    lol excellent
  5. dh.dti

    dh.dti Guest

    hehe very good!
  6. Now someone have to write a report "Summary of my last year in/on the Arcade" (or "Pet Forum"!?):):D:p
  7. Esined

    Esined PetForums VIP

    Nov 2, 2007
    Likes Received:
    very good heeheee:D
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