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Stressed to the max

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Mese, Jan 11, 2012.


  1. Mese

    Mese PetForums VIP

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    On Friday I have the Tribunal about my ESA dole claim
    Ive lost two appeals because I still share a house with my ex (who is basically my carer) as they claim we are still together
    My solicitor reckons we have a good case , but its still a worry ... ive had no money for over a year now

    Whats worrying me more than the money & their decision is having to attend the tribunal ... im sociophobic , so obviously the thought of being around people is terrifying me , im not eating , crying all the time , shaking , I cant sleep , im getting headaches all the time and im constantly thinking about having to go there , which causes panic attacks

    Today I found out I have to also attend a medical assessment on the 27th by an independant doctor ... I did explain to them my circumstances but despite my doctor sending them details of my case they still insist I go to them for the assessment

    So I cant relax after the tribunal like I thought id be able to , instead I know im going to carry on the way I am , petrified about being around people when I attend that

    Basically im a basket case , and theres nothing I can do about it.
    I feel like just giving up , but I cant as obviously I need money like everyone else

    Im trapped :crying:
     
  2. Argent

    Argent PetForums VIP

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    So sorry you're going thought this hun :( Hope the truth becomes apparent to them - unfortunately there are too many people claiming benefits, saying they live alone and infact do have their partner with them, it's a common occurence but if you're innocent, then that should be the verdict.

    As for your anxiety, I recommend a cup of tea and just sit in a quiet room, close your eyes and breathe. Can't stress how much it helps when you're feeling helpless. I hope it helps you feel more grounded and secure *hugs*
     
  3. thedogsmother

    thedogsmother PetForums VIP

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    Cant you get special dispensation to have the tribunal in your own home or something, would that be easier for you to handle? Can you ask at the citizens advice about anything they can suggest to make it less stressful, surely there must be different ways of doing things for people with phobias. I hope it goes a lot easier than you think it will anyway, and they make the right decision for you.
     
  4. Mese

    Mese PetForums VIP

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    Ive always prided myself on my honesty , so I feel like the dole are telling me im a liar and trying to claim something im not supposed to get , its making me angry and frustrated
    I understand they have to be careful , but you'd think they could see a genuine case when it appears , especially when there is doctors evidence to back it up

    When they first got in touch about the medical assessment back in Oct I got my doctor to send them my details explaining why I needed a home assessment , but they havent listened and today sent me a letter with a new appointment time at their offices

    It really isnt helping that I have to get a taxi to these appointments , so im trapped in a car with a stranger ... and theres no-one who can come with me that I can lean on emotionally ... Steve has to work and theres no-one else , after being housebound for over 14 years your friends all slowly disappear
     
  5. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    Are they able to arrange a social worker to help you, come with you etc ? Seeing there doc is just procedure but will help in the long run because he will see within seconds that your struggling socially as well and will write an honest report, so dont stress about that bit. :) Its a shame no one here on pf is close enough to help you with moral support ?
     
  6. Mese

    Mese PetForums VIP

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    tbh hun a social worker would just be another person who would kick off the panic attacks even more

    I feel like such a failure , I used to be a social person before the breakdown , loved going out and meeting friends , who I am now I hate
     
  7. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    Having a breakdown and struggling to climb out, has absolutely nothing to do with failure. :)
     
  8. Shazach

    Shazach PetForums VIP

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    Aww love, I'm sorry you have to go through this. To be forced to do something that you feel you can't cope with must be horrible. I'll think of you on Friday.

    Take care and be kind to yourself. You may not be who you wish you were but you still have worth (that's not meant to sound so cheesy)

    Sh x
     
  9. Mese

    Mese PetForums VIP

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    Well , todays the day , i've got to be there for 3pm

    Im a lot calmer than I thought id be , im still shaking like a leaf , and havent slept at all , but im not crying and my head doesnt feel like theres a whirlwind going on in there

    Wish me luck
     
  10. thedogsmother

    thedogsmother PetForums VIP

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    Ive been thinking about you all morning, I hope it goes well and you will be on here tonight telling us all it was a doddle, just remember you will have a lot of pet forumers sending you strong thoughts.
     
  11. Mese

    Mese PetForums VIP

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    Ive got my little flip-book of pics of my dogs , I tend to focus on the pics when im in a bad situation
    I just hope the judge , or whoever it is that deals with these things , doesnt think im being rude
    I may have a word with my solicitor about mentioning my fear and how I rarely make eye contact
     
  12. catz4m8z

    catz4m8z PetForums VIP

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    Well, good luck. Its not easy having sociophobia (I have it too, but not as bad as you). Just wish one of us was nearer and could of come with you and nattered about the dogs to take your mind off it!;)
     
  13. LolaBoo

    LolaBoo PetForums VIP

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    Good luck with today
    I also have sociophobia i hope everything goes well for you today and you manage to get through it all without to much stress xx
     
  14. tiggerthumper

    tiggerthumper PetForums VIP

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    Just read this, I really feel for you having to do what you have to do today, good luck and remember to look back at today and think what an achievement it was that you got through it.
    It is terrible that they make genuine people go through this. A member of my family had to and they can barely sit up, never mind walk. I'd love to know how those that play the system manage to get away with it, it's nuts.
    Good luck!xox
     
  15. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    Thats a good idea, letting the soliciter know, then they will be able to focus on making it easier instead of assuming you were been rude :)
     
  16. Mese

    Mese PetForums VIP

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    It was disallowed
    They still insist that me and Steve are together :(

    Now im scared that Steve will lose patience and ask me to move out :crying:
     
  17. Argent

    Argent PetForums VIP

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    I'm so sorry hun :( I've no idea what to suggest... *hugs*
     
  18. WelshYorkieLover

    WelshYorkieLover PetForums VIP

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    Hi I'm sorry about what you're going through! I do understand to some extent about what you are going through.

    You should consider getting yourself a CPN - community psychiatric nurse - as they can be your voice. My friend has one and anything she doesn't understand she explains to her and helps her through it including things like bills. She even contacts the companies to arrange payment plans etc. Also any appointment she has she goes with her to and is basically there for anything Claire needs.

    You could talk to your gp and ask about getting one! I hope this helps!
     
  19. thedogsmother

    thedogsmother PetForums VIP

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    These people Advice lines | Mind might be able to offer some legal advise, or talk to the benefits people on your behalf, it doesnt sound like they know enough out of your condition. There is a legal advice helpline in the link, I hope they can offer you some help.
     
  20. Mese

    Mese PetForums VIP

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    God bless Steve

    He just got in from work and I talked to him and told him how worried I was and he told me not to worry , that if needs be he would move out and rent me the place , he just needs to look into how that would affect his mortgage

    How many men would do that for their ex-girlfriend
     
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