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Someone tell me a really funny uncommon joke

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by ad_1980, May 15, 2010.


  1. ad_1980

    ad_1980 PetForums VIP

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    that i can pass on to my friend to cheer her up. She is currently housebound for the next two weeks or so until the baby comes and is getting rather fed up.

    So someone tell me a joke that i can tell her!

    Thanks
     
  2. Colette

    Colette PetForums VIP

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    Two fish in a tank. One says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"

    What key opens every lock?
    A pikey!

    I'm rubbish at jokes, but these are my two favourites at the moment.
     
  3. momentofmadness

    momentofmadness PetForums VIP

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    All the Organs of a body were having a meeting. Trying to decide who was the one in charge "I should be" said the brain, "because I run all the bodies systems. so without me nothing would happen"


    "I should be in" charge said the blood " cause I circulate Oxygen all other the body, so without me you would all waste away"

    "I should be in charge" shouted the Rectum, "because I am in charge of all the waste removal.

    All the other body parts laughed at the Rectum and insulted him. So in a huff he shut down tight. Within a couple of days the Brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated and the blood was toxic.. They all had another meeting and decided the Rectum should be the boss....

    The moral of the story is even though the others do all the work.... There is usually and A$$hole in charge.... LOL
     
  4. haeveymolly

    haeveymolly PetForums VIP

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    Woman takes her goldfish to the vets. . . "i think my goldfish has epilepsy" the vet takes a look the fish are happily swimming around "they look fine to me" said the vet they are swimming around fine" then the goldfish owner said "ye but just watch them when i take the water out":thumbup::thumbup:
     
  5. xxwelshcrazyxx

    xxwelshcrazyxx PetForums VIP

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    Little Johnny was talking a walk down the street when he found something on the road. He was not sure what it was and was playing with it when this man came running towards him out of breath.
    "Hey kid that is mine. Can I have it back please?" the man said
    Little Johnny said, "Well i found it first."
    The man was getting mad becuse it was a condom and he needed it, then he remembers he has a £10 note in his pocket and says, "hey little boy i will give you this £10 note if i can have that.. er.. donnut."
    Little Johnny is pleased with the deal and the next thing you know he's back home with a really big smile on his face.
    Little johnny's mom noticed this and said, "Why are you so happy then?"
    Little Johnny replied, "Because this man on the street gave me this £10 note for this donnut I had, but what he doesn't know is I licked all the jelly out first."
     
  6. ad_1980

    ad_1980 PetForums VIP

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    ha ha thats funny lol...and disgusting lol
     
  7. xxwelshcrazyxx

    xxwelshcrazyxx PetForums VIP

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    Little Johnny was late for class, and when he saw that the door was already closed, he opened it and went into the classroom tentatively. He very quietly shut the door and tiptoed to his seat hoping not to get the teacher after him.
    This upset the teacher, who said him, "Johnny, is this how your father would have come in - late and sneaking to his seat? Go out and try it again, and get it right this time!"
    So, Little Johnny left the room and shut the door behind him quietly, as he'd come in.
    Then a moment later, he flung open the door with a clatter and stomped back into the room with a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. He slammed the door behind him, put his cigarette out on the carpet with his foot and said, "So Honey, didn't expect ME, did ya?"
     
  8. xxwelshcrazyxx

    xxwelshcrazyxx PetForums VIP

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    A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
    Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
    Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
    Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!"
    The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
    Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'"
     
  9. xxwelshcrazyxx

    xxwelshcrazyxx PetForums VIP

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    I love this one best lololol:thumbup:


    Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:
    "One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
    "Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four."
    "Three and three... "
    His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him. His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework.
    The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class. The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did.
    Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."
     
  10. ad_1980

    ad_1980 PetForums VIP

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    i've heard that one
     
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