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So you think you want to own an SBT

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by sallyanne, Jan 17, 2008.

  1. sallyanne

    sallyanne Guest

    If by some quirk of fate the men in white coats do not get you first and you decide to get a Stafford here are a few ideas as to what to expect:-

    • To prepare for the Stafford, go to the local Veterinary Surgeon. Tip the contents of your purse/ wallet onto his counter and tell him to help himself. Then go to the pet shop. Arrange to have your wages paid directly to their accountant. Go home and read the paper in peace for the last time.

    • Before you finally get a Stafford, find a couple who already have one and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their dog to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their dog’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour. Enjoy it – it’ll be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

    • To discover how the night feels, go to bed at 10pm. Set the alarm for midnight, wake up and throw yourself violently onto the floor. Place a 56lb bag of potatoes on the duvet and attempt to get back under the covers. Reset the alarm for 5.30am and, just as you are waking up, slap yourself in the face with a large wet sponge. Get up, make breakfast, keep this up for 14 years, try to look cheerful.

    • Can you stand the mess that dogs make? To find out first throw 2 gallons of mud onto a newly mopped kitchen floor, smear the excess up the sides of the cooker and kitchen units. Tread a little into the hall and living room carpets. Stick your fingers in the flower-beds and rub them on the clean walls. Now, how does that look?

    • Walk down the road with one arm fully extended, break into a jog extending the arm even further. Say ‘heel’ nicely, several times. Shout ‘heel’ several more. Scream ‘stop pulling damn you’. Ignore looks from passers-by.

    • Forget the BMW and buy a Ford Sierra. Buy a rawhide chew, a packet of dog biscuits and a large bone. Mash them down the back of the rear seats. Go to the hairdressers and obtain a week’s floor sweepings. Distribute liberally on the seats and carpets. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect!

    • Get ready to go out, try to sneak out of the door without making a sound. Go halfway down the garden path, come back. Five minutes later try again. Come back. Put on the stereo and make soothing noises. Try again. Come back. Ring friends and tell them to come round to see you instead.

    • Practice sitting on not more that 1/8th of the sofa and try different methods of balancing a hot cup on your knees. When, if ever, you perfect this, try eating a packet of crisps/ biscuits silently whilst keeping the packet totally out of sight. Give up and sprinkles crumbly residue down back of sofa.

    • Tie 2 dinner forks together and put a dog lead on a door hook. Rehearse picking up the dog lead silently. When it rattles scratch yourself very hard down the shins with the forks. Repeat procedure several times. Go to the sports shop and obtain a pair of goalkeeper’s shin pads.

    •Now for a final tip start practicing even trying to see your computer screen while balancing 40 odd lb's of Stafford on you lap. IMPOSSIBLE.....Nah you just need to start practising when they are tiny Now using the keyboard is an artform.

    • Always repeat everything you say at least five times. Always repeat everything you say…Always repeat everything you say.....Always.....Get the picture

    The joys of Stafford owning obviously outweigh the cons, that would have to otherwise more of us would end up in the corner rocking.
  2. garryd

    garryd Guest

    have you had a bad day today or some ut!?????
  3. sallyanne

    sallyanne Guest

    What gives you that idea? :)
  4. Fade to Grey

    Fade to Grey PetForums VIP

    Nov 10, 2007
    Likes Received:
    for some reason i can actually imagine if you told this all to a child they'd do it.
    i'd actually love to see someone walking a dog without the dog.
  5. garryd

    garryd Guest

    These dogs that i have probably are even more harder work than there staffy cousins ! and staffys are hardwork ! some days i wounder what on earth i am donig with them! then one of them will do some ut funny and push there big long face against the patio window and make me laugh ! thats why i like them ! there funny lookin!:D View attachment 1682
  6. sallyanne

    sallyanne Guest

    Mine are not that bad now,thank god,but Meg was a nightmare when she was a pup,she was so hard to train,trashed the garden,smashed pots you name it she did it :rolleyes:
  7. Dennyboy

    Dennyboy PetForums Member

    Jan 3, 2008
    Likes Received:
    Dont do it :D

    Our old ones almost 11 and she is still nuts!!She winds our Alfie up,hes two and a half,they go up and down the stairs and round the back of the sofa's,then take it in turns to drag each other up and down the carpet....and then they give you a mouthful when you tell them to stop :eek:

    But,i wouldnt swap them for the world :eek:

  8. Leanne1989

    Leanne1989 PetForums Junior

    Nov 11, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Maybe i was just lucky but when we had our 2 staffs they were far less hassle than our chihuahuas!!
    Never barked, chewed or trashed anything....unless your talking about my shoes, clothes, anything of any value!:p
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