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Should we get a puppy? To help after bereavement

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by Clare Lo, Sep 10, 2019.


  1. Clare Lo

    Clare Lo PetForums Newbie

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    I’m looking for some advice. We recently looked after my sister’s puppy for a few days and fell in love. My daughters were amazing with her and we walked and laughed a lot. I’ve never considered getting a dog for all the usual reasons but I can’t stop thinking about it. I think it may be especially good as I lost my mum last year and I’ve already lost my dad many years ago now. I also lost my father in law last year. The Last year was awful! .

    I have a lot of love to give and it would be nice to have another life to love and care for and help me through the bereavement. I don’t work, have a big garden, live in a lovely place for walks. My only concern is sleep! My kids are 7 and 12 and now lie in at the weekends til 9 or 10am. I don’t know if I can face relinquishing this to take a dog for a wee and a walk. I don’t mind short term while the puppy is getting house trained but for 15 years potentially?! I’ve heard that your dog fits in to your routines and as they get older they can hold their bladder etc. How true is this?

    My sister has a cavachon. We are thinking of one too or a Cavapoo or cavalier king Charles. Ideally we would like a lap dog and one that is very quiet. I hate barking! Thanks all
     
  2. Happy Paws2

    Happy Paws2 PetForums VIP

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    Hello and Welcome

    Puppies are hard work I slept on the sofa with Dillon in his crate for the first few weeks so it was easy for toilet breaks, but once he'd had his last injections and could go out for walks he changed went though the night and problem. They do fit into your routine we went to bed around midnight and as we are retired we never got up before 8 am and Dillon never asked to go out in the night expect when he had a upset tummy.

    You said " Ideally we would like a lap dog and one that is very quiet. I hate barking! " you can never say any breed is going to be quiet as every dog is going to be different. We had Amber first, then when we lost her, we had Dillon same breed I couldn't believe the difference between them.

    But the hard work is worth it.
     
  3. Clare Lo

    Clare Lo PetForums Newbie

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    Thanks for taking the time to reply.

    Yes I totally agree that even within a breed you would have different temperaments. It’s like deciding to have children. You couldn’t say they would all be the same!

    By barking I just mean incessant barking and/or the minute they see a passer-by as there are a lot of people passing my living room window as I live on a narrow one way lane with narrow pavements and also I wouldn’t want to disturb the neighbours

    I’m taking the decision very seriously and possibly I’m guilty of over-thinking things. I know that once you have one you love them and therefore you are happy to make sacrifices but I’m scared of making a bad decision. I keep looking at people walking their dogs and guessing the breed and thinking ‘aw!’. I’m fine with so many aspects of it but the possibility we could be woken in the night or early once we are past the puppy days is off-putting. I’ve gone through sleepless nights with raising my kids plus my husband works long hours and rises early and drives a lot so I’m thinking of him being disturbed too. Lots to think about!

    QUOTE="Happy Paws2, post: 1065496616, member: 1493701"]Hello and Welcome

    Puppies are hard work I slept on the sofa with Dillon in his crate for the first few weeks so it was easy for toilet breaks, but once he'd had his last injections and could go out for walks he changed went though the night and problem. They do fit into your routine we went to bed around midnight and as we are retired we never got up before 8 am and Dillon never asked to go out in the night expect when he had a upset tummy.

    You said " Ideally we would like a lap dog and one that is very quiet. I hate barking! " you can never say any breed is going to be quiet as every dog is going to be different. We had Amber first, then when we lost her, we had Dillon same breed I couldn't believe the difference between them.

    But the hard work is worth it.[/QUOTE]
     
  4. LinznMilly

    LinznMilly Moderator
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    Moved to Dog Chat. I just think you might get more replies here. :)
     
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  5. bunnygeek

    bunnygeek PetForums Senior

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    Adopting an older dog might work, rescues will consider kids, especially ones your ages, it just depends on what dogs they have in. The kid friendly ones tend to be adopted very quickly without going on websites. An older dog is more likely to have some/most house training so less early mornings but not a guarantee!

    The "poo" crosses aren't generally recommended on here as there's a very very high chance you'll end up with a puppy farmed dog unless you go through a legitimate rescue. Cavalier's have such a huge amount of life-limiting health problems too, and their crossbreeds are not immune to these.

    Do research on breeds and spend time with other breeds. Don't rule out the humble Greyhound, they may be big and leggy but are such fabulous chilled out dogs, the old Greyhound whose one of our office dogs you'd rarely know is there as he spends all day asleep! Also Whippets, they curl up like cats. There's an office Whippet too, he is so quiet and does his cat-like-curl on a little dog bed on his owner's desk <3
     
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  6. lullabydream

    lullabydream PetForums VIP

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    I think with the breeds you are looking at I would go for the King Charles cavalier where hopefully you can find a breeder who health tests, if they are doing this I am also extrapolating that they care about the dogs they produce and that will include even temperaments.

    Poodle crosses are few and far between where temperament matters....or health for that. Health checks are just checking if your dog has 4 legs and a tail basically and a quick heart check. Which is what many breeders do, but you need ones that do health tests for both breeds to say some health problems are ruled out totally, and some are hopefully not going to occur.

    You would want an even temperament dog if you live like me in a high traffic area by foot, as passerbys to some dogs can be unnerving. I had a dog which I rehomed who was unsettled, and it took some training as to stop her barking at her own shadow. It was understandable in her situation though. I wouldn't want a dog bred for profit which most poodle/cavalier crosses to have any sort of nervy temperature. They shouldn't but puppies aren't blank slates per se. They do come with their own temperament and if this isn't taken into account when breeding. Trust me things like this often aren't if you pop over to the breeding section and temperament is mentioned.

    @Jamesgoeswalkies might be able to tell you a thing or two about a well bred cavalier

    Ooo and @margy owns a gorgeous girl now in her twilight years. Nearly forgot.
     
  7. Clare Lo

    Clare Lo PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you. I know a very very reputable breeder (my sister got her puppy from her) and she provides all the heath check paperwork and has connections with her local rspca and used to run a cat rescue place. She has cavachons and cavaliers. I did visit a place which I think was a puppy farm and horrible. I have thought about a rescue dog too.

    a
     
  8. lullabydream

    lullabydream PetForums VIP

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    Health tests you need, health test paper work

    The age of the cavalier which is being bred matters too
     
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  9. Cully

    Cully PetForums VIP

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    I've had dogs all my life and never regretted a moment of it. Whether it's caring for people or animals there are always sacrifices to be made.
    Given you have some(understandable) reservations, have you given any thought to fostering a dog/puppy?It would give you an idea of what it's like bring one into your family and whether you could face the demands long term, and if the rest of your family would be willing to share the responsibilities. Children especially are very keen to begin with but may falter once the novelty wears off.
    If you decide to go ahead then please consider a rescue dog as there are so many who deserve a loving forever home. My last dog was a rescue and we developed such a strong bond.
    Good luck.
     
  10. kimthecat

    kimthecat PetForums VIP

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    It depends on the dog , some of my dogs liked to lie in but Pip and Libby they like to go out a 6 am , I just let them out , they go to the toilet and then we all go back to bed.
     
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  11. Clare Lo

    Clare Lo PetForums Newbie

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    My 12 year old is desperate for one and very conscientious and sensible. She would help a lot but ultimately I know it will mostly fall to me!

     
  12. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    I have re named my dogs the sleep killers however I do think a dog will slot into your routine I have to get up early in the week and they don't really understand weekends. However now they are out of the puppy stage they would happily sleep 7 until 7.

    With regards to helping grief I have had a difficult year and my dogs have been life savers. They have made me laugh got me out the house and sat with me when I cry.

    I think it can really benefit children having a dog. Puppies are hard work you will have a thought of what have I done but it's worth it.
     
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  13. Clare Lo

    Clare Lo PetForums Newbie

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    Yes this last year has been hell. I was very very close to my mum and she died unexpectedly then as I say we lost my father in law also suddenly and we have had to sell my mums home which has been in my family 60 years. I feel all I do is cry and I’m on my own a lot so I have loads of time to give. I’m very very loving so I want to have something to nurture. Something to give me a bit of a challenge and get me out of the house more. I’m at home a lot. I go to the gym most mornings but I’d say I’m out a couple hrs max then home rest of time

    QUOTE="Boxer123, post: 1065496662, member: 1459205"]I have re named my dogs the sleep killers however I do think a dog will slot into your routine I have to get up early in the week and they don't really understand weekends. However now they are out of the puppy stage they would happily sleep 7 until 7.

    With regards to helping grief I have had a difficult year and my dogs have been life savers. They have made me laugh got me out the house and sat with me when I cry.

    I think it can really benefit children having a dog. Puppies are hard work you will have a thought of what have I done but it's worth it.[/QUOTE]
     
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  14. 3dogs2cats

    3dogs2cats PetForums VIP

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    I am sorry for your losses.

    Personally I wouldn't get a puppy - but I don't like them so I would say that! Consider a Greyhound, they are beautiful dogs generally very quiet and none of the ones I have had the pleasure to own have been keen on early mornings. Despite their great long legs they take up surprising little space in the home although they do hog the sofa, minimal grooming needs, will be happy to go for long walks but equally don't bounce off the walls if time means they only get a short stroll. What`s not to love :)
     
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  15. Clare Lo

    Clare Lo PetForums Newbie

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    I’m a bit nervy of ‘big dogs’ (not in temperament just in terms of space in my home etc) although my husband is 6ft5 and would prefer a bigger dog. The lap dog thing I mentioned is because I love having cuddles and getting fussed by them when they lick you etc. I can’t picture a greyhound on my knee?

    b
     
  16. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    Yes puppies can cause quite a lot of stress it might be worth contacting a rescue centre to see if they can pair you up. Walking a dog is great as you get to chat to people. I have just moved I doubt I would have spoken to anyone if it wasn't for the dogs.
     
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  17. bunnygeek

    bunnygeek PetForums Senior

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    A Whippet would fit on your knee, they fold up small haha! A Greyhound might try but would also make you laugh lying upside down, legs akimbo, taking over a whole sofa. They're not as pushy as dogs of similar size like German Shepherds or Bulldogs which can make people wary of big dogs more anxious. Sighthounds are very gentle dogs. Lurchers are something else to consider but they can be more energetic as they're crossbreeds really so can vary a bit more! They are generally a bit quieter than other breeds like terriers and spaniels as well.
     
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  18. 3dogs2cats

    3dogs2cats PetForums VIP

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    :D Greyhounds might try to get on your lap but they aren't very comfortable with elbows digging in! They are tall but don't take up a lot of space, ( well except for hogging the sofa if allowed) I have had visitors suddenly spy a hound curled up and say they were unaware I had a dog! Quite why they thought I had water bowls, feeding stands, dog bed etc if I didn't have a dog I am not sure but the point is hounds are fairly none intrusive and `not in your face` They are my type of dog but not everyone`s obviously, I just suggest them because I am bias :)
     
  19. Clare Lo

    Clare Lo PetForums Newbie

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    My friend has a rescue whippet who is gorgeous

    QUOTE="3dogs2cats, post: 1065496716, member: 1331320"]:D Greyhounds might try to get on your lap but they aren't very comfortable with elbows digging in! They are tall but don't take up a lot of space, ( well except for hogging the sofa if allowed) I have had visitors suddenly spy a hound curled up and say they were unaware I had a dog! Quite why they thought I had water bowls, feeding stands, dog bed etc if I didn't have a dog I am not sure but the point is hounds are fairly none intrusive and `not in your face` They are my type of dog but not everyone`s obviously, I just suggest them because I am bias :)[/QUOTE]
     
  20. DanWalkersmum

    DanWalkersmum watching the world go by

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    Just had to comment on your post. We got our first dog after 40 odd years and it's been a joy, we both fell in love with him and even with all the puppy madness etc can't imgine being without him. We laugh every day, you can't beat the welcome home either. He's a bichon crossed with shihtzu by the way, he's 10 months old and 10kg just right, not too small as to be delicate either and so comical.;)
     
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