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Rehoming guilt

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by OwnedByTerrierists, Aug 13, 2019.


  1. OwnedByTerrierists

    OwnedByTerrierists PetForums Member

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    As I've posted previously, my terriers have decided they can't be around each other anymore and we have had to make the horrible decision to rehome Patti. She has been with us 18 months and was a stray previous to this. I have found a lovely home for her locally with someone we know but massively struggling with the guilt. I know she will be OK in the long run and it's for the best I just can't stand the thought of her thinking I've abandoned her! She has been to the new owners house and met her a few times but I just know when I drop her off on Monday it will be horrendous
     
  2. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    Please don't feel guilty you have done the selfless thing by letting her go. She has a new home and will be loved and safe. Your not rehoming her for a unfounded reason both her and your other dog will be happier. Of course Monday will be difficult maybe ask the new owner to update you?
     
  3. 3dogs2cats

    3dogs2cats PetForums VIP

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    You just have to remind yourself it is in her best interest, it will be very sad but because you want the very best for her you don't have anything to feel guilty about.
     
  4. OwnedByTerrierists

    OwnedByTerrierists PetForums Member

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    Thank you I know for her and Dottie it's the right decision and I'm really missing Dots whilst she's at my mums so it'll be good to have her home.. I just know Patti will be distressed at me leaving her and I think that's what gets me most. We will miss her massively she is such a huge part of my daily routine and a great little character. I have no idea how anyone ever abandons a dog!
    The new owner will keep in touch and lives in the same town so hopefully eventually we will be able to see her (obviously once she's settled)
     
  5. lullabydream

    lullabydream PetForums VIP

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    Don't beat yourself up over this scenario. It's far better not to have dogs separated Some can arrange this fantastically in some homes, where other homes it's like some sort of military pursuit to achieve this. When it's achieve either dog my never actually enjoy their time restraints they don't have with the family too...it could really actually have to be rehome so you get that spark back, the spontaneity back which doesn't happen all the time due worry of the other....

    Am sure you will get updates which will make you understand and see it's a route that was needed to be taken.
     
  6. 3dogs2cats

    3dogs2cats PetForums VIP

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    Patti will not be distressed for long, she will settle with her new home just fine, as harsh as it seems dogs do get over us, its fortunate that they do for all of us who have rescue dogs, they become `ours` very quickly. I do feel for you, even as a Fosterer where I knew they weren't staying, I used to look at them asleep without a care in world and feel guilty everything was going to change, however the photos of them in their new home soon told me they were absolutely fine and I was but a distance memory.
    Hugs and best wishes to you x
     
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  7. Rafa

    Rafa PetForums VIP

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    No. Dogs don't have the ability to think that way.

    I spent many years working in Jack Russell Rescue and truthfully, I never knew a dog to fret in a new home, so long as it was the right home.

    Your bitches will have been living with stress and anxiety in a situation where they couldn't tolerate each other.

    Removing them from that bad place is absolutely the right thing to do for them.

    Your bitch will not feel abandoned.
     
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  8. Ochre

    Ochre PetForums Junior

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    Please forgive me if I have got the wrong end of the stick, but isnt Patti a rescue? You say she was a previous stray that you fostered? And is unspayed currently? Should she not go back to the rescue she came from, rather than you rehome her personally? I know every rescue I have taken on has a clear contract in place obliging me to to return the dog if it didnt work out, regardless of the reason. Also, rehoming an unspayed bitch is not something I would ever do given the potential consequences.... Sorry if i appear blunt, but this does seem to go against the normal obligations for rescues within the UK.
     
  9. OwnedByTerrierists

    OwnedByTerrierists PetForums Member

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    They were fine with each other for 18 months, used to play together, sleep together etc. It was over the course of a weekend things changed and we had fights so severe they had to be separated.
    I understand what you are saying and we have had dogs in for foster who were fine, I think it's just because Patti is so attached to me and in a strange place will try and come with me. Its me humanising her I know its just breaking my heart to think she will be distressed...yes I need to man up!
     
  10. Rafa

    Rafa PetForums VIP

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    It's understandable you will be worried.

    Patti will become attached to someone else and very easily.
     
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  11. OwnedByTerrierists

    OwnedByTerrierists PetForums Member

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    She is being spayed ASAP. We are working with the rescue who are happy with the situation, she is being rehomed from home rather than going to foster or kennels. Her new owner has been approved.
     
  12. Ochre

    Ochre PetForums Junior

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    Thank you for clarifying :) Please forgive me for asking the questions - I just know the normal obligations of rescues and I wasnt aware you had done it all in collaboration with them. It sounds as though you have made a very difficult decision, but one that is in the best interests of your girl. I applaud you for your courage and doing the right thing by her. You sound like a really caring and considerate owner x
     
  13. 3dogs2cats

    3dogs2cats PetForums VIP

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    What you are feeling is normal, because we share such close relationships with our dogs we do imagine they couldn't be without us but the truth is if the situation requires it, that dog who loves you and only you to moon and back, with will transfer his affection on another in a blink of an eye - fickle little blighters that they are:)
    You know it, most dog owners know it but of course that doesn't stop us fretting and feeling guilty, sharing those feelings is what this forum is here for.
     
  14. OwnedByTerrierists

    OwnedByTerrierists PetForums Member

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    Thank you for the replies. We have had dogs forever and used to foster so the rational side of me knows she will be fine and if it doesnt work out for any reason she is coming straight back. Hopefully in time I'll be happy I've made this decision and she will have forgotten all about me. *sob*
     
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  15. Silverpaw

    Silverpaw PetForums Member

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    I really feel for you and your beautiful terrier girls but,from an objective,outside view,it is clear that you really don't have any choice in the situation if either of your little terriers are going to have the life they deserve.I know that won't stop you hurting and feeling guilty,so I wish you strength and ask that you are easy on yourself.While you are hurting,your little one will be flourishing in her new home,with the security of life long back up if the adoptors circumstances change.Although it's really tough on you,thank goodness she wasn't in another home where there was another bitch that she fell out with.Someone else may not have treated her with the care and compassion that you have shown her.Very best wishes to you all.
     
  16. OwnedByTerrierists

    OwnedByTerrierists PetForums Member

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    Thank you so much for your kind words it means a lot to know that it's clear that we have no choice from an outside perspective. I've had a few people tell me I should try them together again or go to a behaviourist but I know this just isn't an option I'd never relax with them together now and I don't think they would either.
    Life sucks sometimes doesn't it?! Glad I found this forum again though its good to share with other people who are insanely attached to their dogs and understand how I feel!
     
  17. Silverpaw

    Silverpaw PetForums Member

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    I can imagine people urging you to try something else and sure that their intentions are good.However,I think all the evidence,and certainly peoples experience that I have had first hand knowledge of,very clearly shows that,in situations like this,you have reached the point of no return.You are following the only responsible course of action in my opinion,as hard as it is for you.They are both lucky dogs to have you looking out for their best interests.
     
  18. Animalfan

    Animalfan PetForums Senior

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    I understand exactly how you are feeling. I had to rehome my puppy at weekend and it broke my heart. I felt like I had abandoned him and that he would be fretting for me and wouldn’t cope. News from Lab rescue has assured me he’s having a whale of a time and seeing my other pets settled and getting back to their old selves has made me realise I definitely made the right choice. Still a little teary and I miss the little man x
     
  19. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    Was that little Finn ? Sorry to hear that the thing is you never know if it will work introducing another dog sometimes it just isn't right.
     
  20. Animalfan

    Animalfan PetForums Senior

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    Sadly it was. Everything just exploded within a couple of days. He knocked old Jaydog over and hurt his leg and he snapped at one of the cats. Then that cat got cystitis and then another cat got haemorrhagic diarrhoea and within a day all the cats had it and I just had to sit and think about the effect it was having on the other pets. It was a very difficult decision but it was the right one.
     
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