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Puppy blues

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by DebsieG, Apr 7, 2020.


  1. DebsieG

    DebsieG PetForums Newbie

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    Im rlly struggling with puppy blues. Didnt kno it was a thing til i got one. The ride home was great. Then as soon as got him home hes gone nuts. Looked up that night about regretting getting a puppy. Ive always wanted one and been preparing for a year. He adores me. And i normally find everything cute and im very loving. But things id normally find cute i have no reaction to... this has rlly shocked me. Time im happiest with him is when hes asleep and being quiet. But then i think well if all u want is a dog to sit still and be quiet then why have one? Ive only had him 3 days. Ive managed get him sleep all night in crate last night and he didnt wail going in crate last night. Getting more routine. Started training sit and stay and look at me. Hes getting it but i have no happy reaction to it... and doin this in lockdown with no support is awful. Cant even get his vaccinations. I feel awful and ashamed. I tried leaving him to play around a larger enclosure extending from the crate. But he started digging at the floor. So i went play with him. But im so bored. I thought id enjoy doing it. Pls any support or advice ppl can give.
     
  2. Helenmc

    Helenmc PetForums Junior

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    Hi,
    I'm really sorry to hear that you're experiencing the dreaded puppy blues, so many of us go through it and the first thing to say is that it is a phase. Puppies are such hard work and you really don't understand this until you get one. You have some tiny thing depending on you 24/7 for everything and that's no easy task so try to be not so hard on yourself. It takes time to get to know each other properly and your puppy will be missing his siblings and mum so will need the extra care and love you can give to him/her. It can be boring and puppies can be nuts, but it does get better!
     
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  3. Linda Weasel

    Linda Weasel PetForums VIP

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    Puppies aren’t always much fun to start with but they get so much better.

    I have to admit I’ve got no experience of ‘Puppy blues’ because I’m always so excited about the dog they’re going to be.

    Thinking about that, you can start training now: Sit, Down, walk next to me, run to your bed. The more you do the quicker you’ll bond and hopefully see the pup’s real will to please you.
     
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  4. DebsieG

    DebsieG PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you for your adice guys. I just never expected to be this exhausted and ive never experienced an absence of emotion to something cute before... When i chose him he was midrange energy level but in the 3 weeks since i chose him he became alpha male and rlly hyper. Hes a cavapoo so its meant to be a mid energy level anyway in terms of exercise hed need. I want a dog to have calm cuddles with and sit with, a companion. Also hoped it wld help my anxiety levels having smtjingbthat loved me. Tho i got him home and hes chewing all soft furnishings which us why got a bigger enclosure as i was having to literally stay with him all day to stop him. Plus hes humping his beds and toys already, started even before got him at 8 weeks...ive been told its normal but just isnt what i imagined. And i worry that what i want wont be possible.
     
  5. Linda Weasel

    Linda Weasel PetForums VIP

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    He’ll be the dog you make him.

    You have a blank sheet in front of you now, decide what you want from him as an adult and start shaping it now while he’s malleable.

    Keep in mind that puppies are initially very selfish and self centred (this is how they’re hard-wired to survive ) and need little time to realise that you are a huge resource for their well-being.

    Help him get over the loss of his other life and he’ll be fine.
     
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  6. Duggee

    Duggee PetForums Member

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    Having a puppy is so much harder than having a baby! I was shocked at how difficult it was and I cried a lot. I thought we had made the worst mistake. I wanted to rehome her, I couldn’t cope with the constant neediness, the no let up, the energy, the biting, the toilet accidents, the howling when she was left for more than 5 seconds... it was relentless. I think the turning point for me was when we had had her about 5 or 6 weeks. She started to understand toileting outside, she learnt that humans aren’t chew toys, it was on the whole a much more pleasant experience. I have a toddler too which didn’t help things, but I started to see the dog she will become rather than the massive pain in the neck that she was.

    What helped me was other dog owners telling me that they all felt that way when they got their dogs. That I just had to give it time... and they were right. Our dog is now 5, almost 6 months. She is still a puppy, and obviously still has her moments, but on the whole she’s come such a long way from that small thing that made me cry every day. She follows commands, can do tricks, and her ability to learn new things is astonishing. It’s such an amazing feeling of accomplishment when you teach your dog something new.
     
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  7. DebsieG

    DebsieG PetForums Newbie

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    Thank u so much again guys. That makes me feel better. I feel less despair this morning. But ive dealt with depression on and off so i expect ill feel low again. Tho i just want to feel love for him. Even tho it was less hard work this morning... i dnt feel love for him. I dont look forward to playing with him. And that makes me so sad.

    Another prob is i love things to be clean. When deciding whether to get a dog and making a pros and cons list his messy feet or rear from being outside and then sitting places was top of the con list. Tho the pros list was much longer so i thought id manage. But now that i dnt seem to be feeling the gd stuff and hes messy and things around his crate arent tidy it makes mecrlly anxious.

    Is having a puppy rlly harder than having a baby? Ive always wanted children and another part of my depression and anxiety is not having a boyfriend or children yet (im 32). I thought having a dog in the meantime wld help my loneliness and be a nice feeling to have smthing that needs me and loves me and depends on me. And now i have that...and i feel nothing...why am i not happy about it? It confuses me greatly.
     
  8. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Moderator
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    Try and be kind to yourself.
    I suspect that a major part of the issue is unrealistic expectations.
    It will be a while before you get to this stage, but it will happen .:)
    Meanwhile you need lots of patience and a sense of humour.
    It must be overwhelming to realise that he is totally your responsibility, but focus on the essentials , ( feeding, playing, interacting) and go easy on yourself.
    Set a time frame -say 4 weeks- and if you feel no better about it consider returning him to his breeder.
    And please, can we see some pictures? I love Cavapoos !
     
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  9. Linda Weasel

    Linda Weasel PetForums VIP

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    Try to follow the advice on here, it’s really good.

    I think you need to look back over your posts because it’s starting to sound to me as if it’s a little bit too much about you, and what you hope to get from this relationship.

    This puppy also deserves consideration; this should grow into a partnership with both of you fulfilling the others needs, not one of you being a ‘crutch’ for the other.

    I get how you feel as I also suffer depression and some days it’s only my dog that gets me out of bed and keeps me going. In return for this he’s had my love and appreciation every single day that I’ve had him.

    Edit: cross posted.
     
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  10. DebsieG

    DebsieG PetForums Newbie

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    I know i wonder what good timeframe to try it out wld be. Tho some ppl say they had puppy blues 6 weeks then ok... im just hoping i do feel love for him...

    Yeah i did get him to help me with my anxiety. Thata part of the problem. Im looking at him and want to enjoy caring for him. I do it and go through the motions. But theres no real emotion. And i dont kno why.
     
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  11. Jason25

    Jason25 PetForums VIP

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    Hey your pup is still really young, he doesn’t know how to love and be nice to you while you are doing all the hard work, so no wonder there’s no real emotion yet lol. Just take every day as it comes, you’ll feel like it’s one step forward and five steps back but you will get there.

    Focus on training and playing, this will make grow your bond. Also try and stay active on here, when you’re feeling low you got us to speak to :)

    you’ll soon be at the stage where you know you got this. I find once you know you’ve got it under control it’s much better then (for you mentally)

    It also sounds like you’re off to a start of your puppy likes you already. Mine was a full on shark for about 8 months and just wanted to chew on me all the time lol.
     
  12. Helenmc

    Helenmc PetForums Junior

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    I really feel for you because you want so much for the puppy to love you but at this moment he needs all the love and attention that you can give him to make him the dog that you want him to be. The bond will come with time.

    I'm no expert but I brought a wire fox terrier puppy into my house 2 and a half years ago and everyone thought I was mad because of the energy level, attention needs and independent nature that terriers have, but I wouldn't have him any other way. In the first 2 weeks I thought that there was something wrong with him because every day around 5pm he used to get this manic burst of energy and do zoomies around the room (I swear once he ACTUALLY climbed the wall!) but I think back on it now and laugh and I really think that you will too. You are going through a hard time on top of a difficult time so of course you are going to wonder if you can cope but you obviously have a loving nature because you want you to care for him desperately and you are on here asking for advice. I've found everyone is always willing to help on here!
     
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  13. DanWalkersmum

    DanWalkersmum watching the world go by

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    I empathise with you, as a first timer! I had similar feelings (mine's a bichon x shihtzu). The reality of owning a puppy is a lot different to the idea of having a sweet little bundle that sleeps a lot and wants cuddles etc. They pee and poop, they bite, they whine and chew everything, they need constant attention. BUT, it is normal and step, by step, week by week, it does improve if you put the work in. The rewards of seeing your dog grow and mature are great.
    We both enjoyed puppy classes and as soon as you can, I'd get him enrolled, it helped me to know what to focus on with my pup, and him to socialise and invaluable for training altogether.
    You need to put the work in, toilet training is not for the fainthearted but when it does come together it's a feeling of achievement second to none!
    As for the mess, there will be some, it's unavoidable, but again it can be managed. I have various fleece throws on the furniture, they are light, and easily washed and dried. I know that puppy pads are given a bad press but they saved my sanity! Started with four in the kitchen by the back door and reduced to one very gradually whilst also taking him outside. It may have taken longer to toilet train this way, but my floors were protected and my stress levels reduced.The humping is a comfort thing that some dogs need to do, mine did it all the time. Pups are exhausting and there are no guarantees that a certain breed will be calmer than another, it's pot luck I reckon.
    Please can we see some photos of him, I love little fluffy dogs!
     
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  14. Duggee

    Duggee PetForums Member

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    In my experience, yes, having a puppy is harder than a new baby! It’s just so full on all the time. At least when a baby is awake, even if they’re crying, they’re not also trying to jump up at you and bite your face!

    I think the love will come. You just need to get to know each other first. It feels like a puppy should have your immediate adoration and love because they’re so cute, but while you can appreciate the cuteness, that doesn’t necessarily mean you love them. I wouldn’t say that I love my puppy yet at almost 6 months old if I’m perfectly honest. But my god, I like her so so so much more than I did when she was tiny! Love will come.

    As for you not having children yet, you have plenty of time. I had my youngest child when I was 42! Enjoy your new puppy. Try to accept the mess and the dirt, it’s temporary.
     
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  15. The Wild Bunch

    The Wild Bunch Owner of dogs and referee of children

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    In a word, yes.
    The dogs have always been more work than the kids but are truly worth it. I have terriers and a shih tzu. The terriers are full-on and have incredible prey drive which has been interesting at times. The first year I think is a learning curve for you both. I tell all new dog owners that the first 12 months are the hardest. If you can get through that, you'll have a friend for life. Poodles are very intelligent so there are plenty of things that you will be able to do to take advantage of that intelligence, agility or obedience for example... in time. Once you can go out together and get some fresh air, you will feel better. Being in the house can make things seem harder.

    I empathise with you as I have suffered with my mental health for years. It is not an exaggeration to say that on my darkest days, my dogs have saved me and being out with them has done wonders for me over the last few months when I've been low.
     
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  16. DebsieG

    DebsieG PetForums Newbie

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    Thank u so much for your help and kind words guys. Im really struggling this morning. He wokw me in the night so sat with him 30 mins til he calmed dwn.
    Had a trainer (animal behaviourist who os a friend of a friend) come round yest and he showed me some things and how to ignore the hyperactivity. That helped. The puppy, Pikachu, is just chilling right now in his playpen. And mentally i know thats great. Hes learning he cant have me constantly every time hes awake. But i still feel no happiness from it. Ive gone into a proper depressive state. I kno he really loves me, when he wants me he whines if i go out of sight. I was thinking in mid of night when i was calming him dwn its gd that i reassure him and he feels safe with me. But still theres no emotion. And its just so contra to my nature coz im so loving... i feel awful.

    Still need to feed him. I got up and let him out for wee and then had cuddles and short play, but im so exhausted i cldnt take much play. So hes been playing and chilling by himself while i rested on the couch a bit longer... thing is i need so much sleep... just having my coffee now as trainer said its important that i eat before he does.

    A friend whose wife is a breedee said start off as u intend to move forward. So trying to get him used to my routine and that with my depression i need a lot of sleep. I had a serious illness - Transverse Myelitis - 6 yrs ago. Ive come a long way since then and just struggle with fatigue and just minor other side effects.

    Thank u for your support guys its rlly helping ne to have ppl to talk to right now.
     
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  17. DebsieG

    DebsieG PetForums Newbie

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    Oh and soz forgot pictures...
     

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  18. McKenzie

    McKenzie PetForums VIP

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    This is very old fashioned thinking - did the trainer say anything about being the pack leader or about your puppy being dominant?
     
  19. DebsieG

    DebsieG PetForums Newbie

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    He did say about pack leader. Not rlly about dominance. Tbh i dont mind whether he eats before me or not... its just i kno hes going to have a burst of enery right after it. And suppose its better if im awake for it...
     
  20. ttaylor45

    ttaylor45 PetForums Senior

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    I have a toy poodle puppy and they are very hard work to start with but fortunately I have had two toy poodle puppies before Rusty and Pepe in the photo and I realise this is just a phase and will soon pass. I had my darling boys until May 2018 when I lost Rusty the slightly taller one aged 13 and a half and then Pepe just 6 months later aged only 12 and 4 months. I really enjoyed having them both all those years walks and the love they both gave us. They too were hard work to start with but it is so worth it.
     
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