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PTS Guilt...

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by hardyo, Jul 27, 2018.


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  1. hardyo

    hardyo PetForums Newbie

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    Hi there,
    I am coming to you all for advice. I know I have to have my old SBT (almost 15 years) PTS.
    He has been suffering with cruciate ligament damage to his legs for years now. His medication is no longer helping. We had considered it last year following advice from our vet but the guilt of ending a life prevented me from going through with it.
    Over the past two months he has lost control of his toileting and will often go in his sleep, or else simply cant wait untill we open the door. He has lost over half of his body weight and is falling over constantly. I know it is no life for him now but when he sits with me in the evenings and comes for a cuddle I forget all about the problems he has and again cannot bring myself to do it.
    I get so upset looking at him at times and he will come and put his head on my lap or lies on my knees like hes comforting me but others have said that is him telling me he's ok with my decision.
    The guilt of letting him go is stopping me from doing it, I feel so bad ending the life of someone I love so much and have had in my life for so long, yet I know deep down I know I have to make the decision for him.

    Has anyone dealt with guilt like this before? I could do with some words of encouragement if any! x
     
  2. kimthecat

    kimthecat PetForums VIP

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    I'm so sorry to hear of your predicament . :( I would say most members of this forum have been in this sad situation , some more than once and its not easy an easy decision to make . I think its natural to feel guilt , you feel guilty if you put your pet to sleep because it could be too soon and you feel guilty if you don't as they could be in pain.
     
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  3. Blitz

    Blitz PetForums VIP

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    It is natural to feel guilt, I think everyone does. What is not right or natural is to keep your dog in the condition yours if obviously in. Vets seldom suggest putting to sleep so if your did last year and your dog is incontinent and losing weight all I can say is stop being selfish and do the right thing by your dog right now, today. Sorry if this sounds hard but it sounds like downright neglect.
     
  4. DaisyBluebell

    DaisyBluebell Earth, the insane asylum of the Universe

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    Never felt that guilt with any of mine, loved them all too much to let them suffer in any way, now that would have made me feel guilt, which sorry to say you are actually doing. If you truly love this beautiful dog then do the kind thing for the dog and not for yourself, he has probably been telling you for a long time, he is in pain and suffering & still you are not doing what is right for the dog - please let this animal go and be free of pain any longer - the saying on here is 'better a day too early, than a day too late'
    Sorry if thats not the answer you wanted, but I am thinking of your dog and not you.
     
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  5. PawsOnMe

    PawsOnMe PetForums VIP

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    I believe that sometimes it's the last kindness we can give them, it's always hard and there will always be guilt involved but it's better a week too soon than a day too late.

    If I was you I'd make the appointment sooner rather than later, give him plenty of love and hold him as he passes peacefully. X
     
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  6. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

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    He's had 15 good years with you this is the final kindness you can show. Do contact the blue cross who have a counselling service.
     
  7. Jason25

    Jason25 PetForums Senior

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    Hi mate you've got to put your dog before you in this situation, my mum was the same with our JRT, she wanted to keep her alive for one more week so booked an appointment to get her PTS at the end of the week, this was on sunday, so sunday to sunday. Come monday morning it was heartbreaking to see the condition she was in so we spoke about it and got her PTS the next day. Looking back on it my mum said she would of felt so much more guilt if she kept her alive for the rest of the week and was glad she got PTS when she did.

    When she went I felt so relieved because she wasn't in pain or suffering anymore. To this day I do not feel any guilt at all about her going, we gave her the best life she could of had and that's what counts.
     
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  8. Picklelily

    Picklelily PetForums VIP

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    Ending a life is the most heartbreaking difficult decision you can make. yes, you feel guilty if you do and guilty if you don't.

    What I can say is put yourself in your dog's place, imagine their pain and emotions if you feel you wouldn't be able to cope in that situation its time. You have to put them before yourself. The pain of that decision gets less with time. I have found however there just comes a day when you know it's time.

    Finally, I know you saw the vet last year but have you been recently?
    Your vet won't force you into a decision they are supportive and can offer care and advice to help both you and your dog. I know I went at one point with my collie expecting to come home without him, instead, he got treatment which gave him 2 more fabulous comfortable years.

    We all feel for you nobody but another pet owner knows the pain of losing a loved animal. The love we give and receive from our elderly dogs is worth it x

    I hope you can come to terms with your decision with the pain of loss in the future being mellowed by happy memories.
     
    #8 Picklelily, Jul 27, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2018
  9. Zaros

    Zaros Pet Forums, P/resident Evil

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    Be strong and be kind. Your dog must be suffering and confused.

    Being strong isn't a matter of holding on, it's about letting go.

    Perhaps it's time for you to let go.
     
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  10. Dogloverlou

    Dogloverlou PetForums VIP

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    So sorry to hear this :( I'm yet to be in this dreadful position so can't really comment from a personal viewpoint, but I think it's a day we all dread. I'm really not sure how I will feel about things until I'm in that situation, but I can understand totally with your feelings of guilt. It's just not natural to essentially kill another being. I've heard you will know when it's time and it sounds like you've reached that point now x


    I get the sentiment, but think it's a bit harsh and insensitive to suggest it's neglectful. The poor poster is in a terrible position and is likely looking for some support and kind words, not to be told she is a selfish individual and neglectful...
     
  11. Charity

    Charity Endangered Species

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    I'm sorry you're facing this situation. We had the same decision to make three years ago with our 17 year old JR. She had numerous medical issues and for the last year or more we were constantly questioning whether it was time but we always said that once she lost her quality of life, we would let her go. One morning we got up and she could no longer walk and that was it. It's a terrible decision to make but we all have to be strong and think of how our pet is feeling. They can't tell you and they just get on with life whatever is happening. We all feel guilty because we just aren't used to having to end an animal's life but you have to think that its a kindness. It sounds as if your dear pal has reached that point and you must bite the bullet otherwise you will be left feeling guilty that you didn't do it sooner. Thinking of you with sympathy.
     
  12. hardyo

    hardyo PetForums Newbie

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    Im not neglecting him at all, i am having him put to sleep, my post was asking how you cope with the guilt after this? He is far from neglected he was rescued and loved for 12 years from an abusive family before hand. last year we were recommended he was PTS but we tried different medication which he got on so well with we didn't need to. Unfortunately Now this has stopped working we are now having to go through with it. I feel guilty...surely its natural no?! I have never once neglected him or harmed him in fact I've done everything in my power to give him the best possible life to help him recover from the abuse he put up with as a puppy.
     
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  13. hardyo

    hardyo PetForums Newbie

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    Yes he has seen his vet regularly to manage his pain and get his medicine. It no longer works so we now have to have him PTS. Its just awful making this last trip with him and feeling the guilt even though it is the kindest thing to do for him x
     
  14. Owned by a dog

    Owned by a dog PetForums Member

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    I’m lost for words, Go with your heart and with your brain, I’m sure you’ll know when the time is right, a really big hug
     
  15. Westie Mum

    Westie Mum PetForums VIP

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    It’s a horrible decision to make I know but it’s the last act of kindness we can offer them for all the love and joy they have given us.

    Quality over quantity ......

    Be kind to yourself afterwards and try to remember all the good times.
     
    Owned by a dog likes this.
  16. Rosie64

    Rosie64 PetForums VIP

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    I have had to have many dogs PTS in my 69 years and I have NEVER felt guilty , I have felt heart wrenching sadness and loss
    but never guilt because it was done out of love for my animals when nothing else could be done to end their suffering.
    It was the last act of love I could do for them. The pain and sadness of losing them does lessen over time, then you can begin to
    remember and celebrate the time that you had together . IMO the decision you have to make is one of the hardest that you will have to make
    but out of love for your dog it is one that has to be made
     
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  17. Sarah H

    Sarah H Grand Empress of the Universe

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    It's a horrible decision to make but one that needs to be made nonetheless. You will feel broken afterwards, but knowing that your dog is no longer in pain and that you did the last thing we can do for them does help over time. The actual act of PTS I found really peaceful and calm, there is nothing nasty or scary, your dog will just fall into a deep sleep with you holding them, and not wake up. Take someone with you who will be able to drive you home and be a shoulder to cry on.
     
    CuteRotts and Owned by a dog like this.
  18. Biscuit123

    Biscuit123 PetForums VIP

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    It's a terrible thing I also had to experience with my horse. I couldn't watch her be PTS and instead my sister held her. I miss her terribly, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Your dog is suffering. And he'll just suffer more the longer you wait. You simply need to except the fact that this is most painless thing for you to do for your dog. What will happen will cause him no pain at all, and save him a lot pain he would have to suffer through if you didn't put him PTS. Honestly this is probably the best thing you could do for your dog. It's a peaceful thing and he'll just drift to a forever sleep on rainbow bridge. I've never felt guilt from putting my horse down as she could have passed peacefully, or slowly went into more gut wrenching pain until she finally died if it. I would do the same thing for my dog or any of my other animals.
     
  19. Blitz

    Blitz PetForums VIP

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    Dogloverlou, just read the post above. We are not talking about a dog that is gradually getting to the stage of being pts. We are talking about a dog that the vet advised putting to sleep last year, that has lost an enormous amount of weight and is incontinent as well as being in pain with its legs. If keeping it alive is not neglectful I would love to know what is. sorry but this sort of thing makes me angry beyond words. Love does not make up for keeping a dog in this situation.
     
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  20. Picklelily

    Picklelily PetForums VIP

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    I'm really sorry offering you my support x
     
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