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problem step children

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by sharon_gurney, Mar 31, 2011.


  1. sharon_gurney

    sharon_gurney PetForums VIP

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    Think im in need of reassurance:confused:

    I married the most wonderful man a woman could ask for but in herited it two teenage girls.


    I sold my appartment and we all moved into a brand new house, the kids and myself have had our disagreements...nothing I didnt expect.

    The girls are growing up now the eldest who is 19 and just got a little part time job, im very pleased for her as hopefully she starting go grow and mature into a sensible young woman.

    The youngest who turned 17 two days ago I feel has been more than a deceitful. She has been telling what seems like anyone who will listen that Im not very nice, I eat all the food in the fridge( which is the biggest joke of all times as ive got a gastric band fitted and wish I could eat all the goodies in the fridge:p)

    She has even resorted to going to her mums house and boyfriends house with a loaf of bread and butter in her bag and telling them that we have nothing to eat in the house.

    I would like to say the freezer is full to capacity with food, snacks, bread, meals etc. The fridge has more yoghurts, sandwich meats, bread, milk eggs than you can shake a stick at!

    I feel so hurt that she could say these things when all I have done is provide for what are not my children, bought a house big enough for them in an area that was convenient for school but not for me. Been there to listen about complaints about their mum and new boyfriend, and offer guidance on everything from how to shave your bits and contreception.

    Words dont express how upset I am...its not anger but more disapointment

    Sorry for such a long thread, I just needed to get this off my chest
     
  2. hazel pritchard

    hazel pritchard PetForums VIP

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    Hi, she is sounding like so many teenagers, i know to say" its probley a stage shes going through" will not make things easier for you, what does her dad say about it all?
    I am still amazed at what can come out of a teenagers mouth sometimes !!!!
    My children (thank goodness) are pass that stage and sometimes we talk about how they were as teenagers, and some of the things they did and said,(dont get me wrong, they were not bad kids, ) but at times prone to teenage outbursts, when i told them yrs later just how much they had made me cry and hurt me by some of these outbursts, they were horrified,
    When i was a foster mum i was taught that if possible , ignore the bad things that are said/done and praise the good, then in time the person will see its nice to be praised and a waste of time to cause problems
    Hope things get better for you soon
     
  3. Gilly and Jess

    Gilly and Jess PetForums Senior

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    Bless you. It's sometimes a difficult one this one.

    I can only say that if you know her to be telling lies, try to ignore it. She's attention seeking in my book. If she's complained to you about her mum, she's only doing the same in reverse in the other house?

    My son used to go to his dads on a weekend and tell his dad and his new girlfriend that I hated the new girlfriend.......we'd never even met and I had no opinion of her whatsoever at the time. Dad asked me about it, we both recognised that it was little man trying to cause angst for some reason. We never did get to the bottom of it but because we'd talked about it we learned to ignore it. (Matter of fact I adore the girlfriend, she's an absolute GEM!)

    Call her bluff and make her a packed lunch to take to her mums, when she asks why just tell her its cos you know she's starving all the time and you just wanted to help......:001_smile:

    If all she can complain about is "lack of food" then I'd say you're doing pretty good really! ;) ;)
     
  4. Cockerpoo lover

    Cockerpoo lover PetForums VIP

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    It isn't easy becoming a step mum.

    Kids not matter what age often feel like they are betraying their mum if they get too close to you and can sometimes go the opposite way. Some feel threatened that they will be replaced by you in their father's affections.

    The girls are older though so should really know better.

    Have you told hubby? or has he seen this and what does he say?

    As the older one seems ok can you talk to her about her sister?

    Or have you had a heart to heart with the younger girl?

    Maybe she has a problem and is taking it all out on you or more than likely just been a typical pain in the butt teenager :D
     
  5. sharon_gurney

    sharon_gurney PetForums VIP

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    My husband is so supporting we have sat down this morning and sicussed it. He even rang his ex wife and it she who confirmed what we have heard.

    We have tried to sit down and discuss things with the daughter but we know that everytime she opens her mouth out tumble the lies.

    She has even been to her boyfriends mum and told her she cant afford to live with us, We dont take penny from her and never even discussed taking any.

    Her elder sister gives us £40 per week but she is working and not in education any more.

    The boyfriends mum has said not to worry she can live there for less....im speechless!
     
  6. Gilly and Jess

    Gilly and Jess PetForums Senior

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    "Been there to listen about complaints about their mum and new boyfriend"


    That bit says it all to me. She's actually quite happy, but as has just been said might be feeling like she shouldn't be?

    I'd speak to your husband first, ask if he minds if you tackle her on the subject yourself, otherwise you run the risk of her then complaining to her dad that you're getting at her, and arguments ensue from something that isn't really all that major. I don't mean any disrespect when I say that she's basically just telling fibs, isn't she? Her whole theory can be totally disproved, so I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

    I've not hit any walls with my partners children yet, I'm the opposite so far in that his daughter is always texting me asking when she'll see me next. No doubt my turn will come....:smile:
     
  7. suzy93074

    suzy93074 PetForums VIP

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    It is very hard being a step mum especially girls! Im fortunate to have two lads and so far have not had any major issues I have been having them since they were 2 and 5 so luckily they have grown up with me - but im sure I will at some point lol - I think as they get older girls particularly go through this really horrible stage I remember going thru it myself lol and was at constant loggerheads with my mum - I really hope it gets better for you - always around if u need to vent ;) xx
     
  8. Gilly and Jess

    Gilly and Jess PetForums Senior

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    Lordy! Less than free huh? Might have to ask for some lessons on how to do that! (sorry, just want to make you smile!).

    Thing is if everyone knows she's telling the fibs, she can be pre-empted. You can all compare what's going on and be in full possession of the facts and head her off at the pass.

    I've had to learn to talk a lot to my ex about my eldest son, we've had some HORRENDOUS lies told in the last 12 months. We talk to each other about problems all the time, compare stories, and we've tripped him up several times. Especially when he lied his way out of a job by saying that my mum was on her death bed and he needed time off and that I treated him like dirt and treated my boyfriend like god and that I don't care about him and I'm the wicked witch of the west.......that damn near killed me but my ex took over caring for my son and seems to have nipped it all in the bud.

    I know that's my OWN son, and not a step child but you get what I'm trying to say....
     
  9. KathrynH

    KathrynH Guest

    Well i got married in september and i have also inherited 3 step-sons and my 2 sons i have of my own, so to say i have a house full is an understatement.

    I am very very lucky, the 3 boys cannot and have not said a bad word about me as i am just too good to them, i treat them like they are my own and always have done.

    It drives there mum mad!!! :D:D Because not even she can say anything bad about me either!! :D:D

    If you need someone to talk too please pm me xx
     
  10. Cockerpoo lover

    Cockerpoo lover PetForums VIP

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    Sometimes it's not the kids that give you trouble but their mums or dads!!

    My step-daughter is 11 and lives with her mum. Her mum is fine and SD is a great kid :001_smile:

    Don't know if it would be different if she lived with us, but she is a sensible girl.

    But I do think OMG not long to go till she's a teenager and then what :D:D
     
  11. sharon_gurney

    sharon_gurney PetForums VIP

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