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Discussion in 'General Chat' started by bullyb, Nov 29, 2007.
im a bit fed up today, has anyone got a funny joke or story to cheer me up, please!!
you might not find this funny but anyone who shows their dogs will.............
THE DOG SHOW.
First time at a dog show, Ill tell you quite plain
Ill never, NO NEVER go back there again!
The breeder said show him when I bought my dog,
I showed him alright, the whole place was agog!!
They gave me a number, they gave me a pin
But I just couldnt bear to stick the thing in !
So I rushed to the shop and bought me some glue,
And stuck the card onto his rear in the loo!
We arrived at the ringside to find we were first
In the puppy dog class (now here comes the worse!)
We marched in together as fast as was able
Arrived at the judge who said up on the table
This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight,
And I just couldnt make it, though try as I might.
The judge looked quite worried, he said listen here
Put the DOG on the table, NOT you my dear!
By now I was trembling I felt such a fool,
But I said to myself well just play it cool ,
how old said the judge, I heard it quite clear
Well really I thought! And said thirty next year!
The steward, poor fellow, threw some kind of fit.
He spluttered and coughed and his eyes ran a bit.
Id have that cough seen to I said to him when
Hed finally stopped coughing
but soon started again!
once round the ring dear
as fast as you can
NOW said the judge so I just ran and ran.
But, when I arrived, (out of breath Ill admit)
The judge said your DOG dear I felt such a twit !!
Off round again, I kept my head bent
Oh the shame of it all my pup went and went!
A lady came running with bucket and spade
With manure thats so spicy shes just got it made!
We came back to the judge, who said with a frown
stand your dog
I replied. .hes not sitting down,
You can take first place stand he said ..I said Ha
What a job I had getting that stand in the car
here we go;
A Greek and an Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Coliseum"
The Greek says, "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says, "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on ...and then
the Greek says:
"We invented sex"
The Italian says, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it
hahaha!! to darren, elena and pauline.... you at least put a smile on my face!! very good!!!!
Lovely. Now go and vote for my bro please.
sigh...ive already voted....
yes and you definately made the wrong choice!!!
no i didnt, thought very carefully about it.... anyway your supposed to be cheering me up cause i feel like s**t, stop having a go at me....
im sorry too, just having a bad day...
I feel bad because I'm in a really GOOD mood today!!!
alright for some....
what's bothering you?.... cant be that bad? You got any booze in the house?
whatever is making you sad... Just change it... easy as!
you just dont understand.....
any problem can be fixed.....
Are you in love with my bro?
Here - have some chocolate!
4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young
>blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.
>It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark
>there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from
>the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red
>mark on his cheek.
>The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the
>dark and she slapped him"
>The pretty young blonde thinks "I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me
>in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"
>The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the
>dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"
>The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so
>I can slap that French tw*t again"
aw thanks elena, chocolate always cheers me up
hmmm she didn't answer the question??
nooo....she didnt......thats explains......