[CharleyRogan]

I was never pushed at school to do my best. I am a sort of middle of the range, I don't need to try to do well, but if I put effort in I could do better. I have found it difficult to get motivation, because I have never been forced to stick at something and it got me thinking!

As parents, do you push your kids (e.g tutors, extra homework, private school, afterschool clubs, strict stance on school work, pushy parent) or do you let your children get on with it?

 

[cheekyscrip]

I do some pushing...reasonable amount..they are really smart ...but especially my boys need some reminder to get off PS, DS etc...
and I expect them to be good students!

they have all that they need to be ...!

 

[Guest]

Never pushed any of them...#2 son pushes himself harder than anyone!!!

 

[Rolosmum]

I dont push mine but i do support them. They are both very bright and very sporty and i remind them how lucky they are, how they have to spend time at school so may as well use the time wisely. I remind them how important it is to get the groundings and learn as much as they can to give them the widest possible chances of a career and to make life generally more available to them.

I do let them plan and run their own workloads, but then because they do it so well (they are 10 and almost 14) I dont need to worry or overly intervene as they work within timeframes to a reasonable standard without generally needing my input.

I give them the experiences and guidance to help them make the right choice but believe if i put pressure on then the type of children i have it will backfire on me, i would rather they did what they do willingly and without resistance more to my pressure than what they are actually doing.

Maybe i am only like that because they do so well on their own, if they didnt then maybe it would be a different story.

 

[noogsy]

I think ambition is either in kids or not.
My oldest is a bio chemist.
Middle son is a kitchen fitter.
Baby son is a Big Bang boy :0)

 

[cheekyscrip]

depends how they are "pushed"....
but I do not believe in prasing anything that kids do to protect their frail self esteem!..
I also want my kids to be strong and able to face criticism for shoddy work...
I do praise good effort of course and show my enthusiasm when they get their stickers etc...


and the usual stuff: reading with kids...museums exhibitons..now and then...

 

[Luz]

I think mine were encouraged rather than pushed. I will advise too on essays and application letters etc. Eldest son is very hard working, youngest son has winged it a bit too much and is finally realising that it doesn't pay. Both always refused to do any after school activities.

 

[harley bear]

Not at the minute but they are only 3+4 and my eldest is having some extra support to help him come out of his shell..his other teacher scared him and now he is a little shy when in groups!

 

[Netpon]

I wouldn't class myself as a pushy parent but I encourage my kids to stick at things, they go through phases of not wanting to go to their after school activities (that they have chosen to do!) but its usually a passing phase and after a couple of weeks they're enjoying it again. I think its good to encourage them to stick at things and I won't take them out of school for holidays because I feel this shows them that holidays are more important then their education. IMO I'm the adult so I'm the one in a position to make a rational decision about what they do and just cause they 'don't feel like going' is not a good enough reason to give something up (my kids are 9 and 8)

 

[CharleyRogan]

I think if my dad had of pushed me, i'd have thrown it back in his face when I was a teenager, but it would have helped me through university as I left everything to the last minute and so it could have been better had I actually worked on assignments longer that about 3 days each! i winged it all the way, and now I'm really lazy and its not given to me on a plate, I struggle!

 

[lymorelynn]

Voted before I read your first post so I will say I was not a pushy parent in that sense but encouraged all of my children to do their best and found extra help if it was needed.
I was never pushed, probably I'm of an age where girls were only meant to be mothers or teachers or nurses. Well, my father is of the opinion 'those who can do, those who can't teach' or I might have made a reasonable teacher
No one gave me the push to carry on and finish my A levels - I left half way through - and I drifted into a secretarial job and early marriage.
I have encouraged my children to do their best and work hard at what they were good at.
My eldest was a nurse, which she wanted to be from the age of 5 - now a mum
next is a Chemical Engineer - got into cannabis when he was 16/17 and had to be steered back on course, extra tuition etc to get a place at uni
youngest is at uni studying Electronic Engineering - mummy's favourite according to the others but he has worked hard to get his place.
All three had the brains to get where they wanted to be but might not have done so without some parental push.

 

[tincan]

I think for me there is " Pushing " and there is positive "Encouragement" totally seperate things. As a wife of someeone who's father pushed them to the limit at tec college ( remember them ) and made him feel like a failure at every point in his schooling years , i most certainly do not advocate Pushing , My Hubs is a great bloke , done very well , blah blah ..... However the after effects are quite sad to live with after a parent has done that to a child. I have never done that to mine and when other half has "followed in the footsteps " it has been nipped in the bud :biggrin: My boys are all happy in what they do be it in different ways .... never ever make them feel inadequate or not good enough . My Nan always said " find your own feet , and stick to those shoes " ah bless her :thumbup1:

 

[smokeybear]

I was never pushed at school to do my best. I am a sort of middle of the range, I don't need to try to do well, but if I put effort in I could do better. I have found it difficult to get motivation, because I have never been forced to stick at something and it got me thinking!

As parents, do you push your kids (e.g tutors, extra homework, private school, afterschool clubs, strict stance on school work, pushy parent) or do you let your children get on with it?

I think it depends on what your definition of pushy is.

My daughter never needed tutors or extra homework.

She did go to public school and there was a plethora of after school activities to take part in and she excelled at music (Grade 8 recorder and piano) etc.

I would not consider sending a child to the best school you can any more being a pushy parent is than say deciding to spend your money on buying your child the latest tv, dvd, computer, designer shoes etc (all of which my child went without).

Prep was obviously done at school and there were consequences for not doing it.

She was raised to have a strong work ethic and started doing chores when she was 18 months old and had to complete those before doing other things and to earn her pocket money.

Was I a pushy parent, I guess it all depends on the eye of the beholder

 

[LostGirl]

No

I do support them, and encourage them but i dont push them.

My parents never did and me and my sisters have all done ok, we all did good in our exams and chosen fields of work.

 

[tincan]

i am not a pushy parent but I encourage and praise and emphasise the importance of doing well at school. However, I don't believe in private school and I am lucky in that if they are finding something confusing then I can help them. I make sure they do their homework but let them get on with it unless they ask for help. One daughter goes to drama for fun but that is the extent of extra activities. Sorry but in my experience children that are "pushed" can become arrogant and think they are superior to the other children; not a nice trait.

They can also feel like they "Are not good enough " Two sides to this coin unfortunately , we are all individuals and react/respond in different ways , some good some bad

 

[bird]

hmm not too sure which way to vote.....

Whilst we were never down the girls throats about it all we always tried to instill that having a decent education was important if they wanted a chance of a decent paid job. however the education was state not private and no extras just help with homework etc.

Eldest was a front runner for university, top in everything without having to try too hard and yet was thick enough to get pregnant with monster possibly just before she turned 16. :frown2: however thanks to me being soft enough to act a free childminder she managed to talk herself into a semi decent job from which she is being made redundant from next year.

Youngest was always a struggle to get her to knuckle down to homework, hated english and school in general with a passion and yet somehow still managed to graduate from uni with a 2:2 in law and criminology, she was on course for a 2:1 (we knew as soon as the lecturer told her that, she was doomed to a 2:2 at most).

Most kids, whilst not needing parents down their necks do need encouragement especially when things are hard going in the ultra confusing teens.

We encourage monster as much as possible, her homework is always completed with one of us alongside her and anything she appears to stuggle with we try to find a solution that helps her understand. whether any of it sinks in.........................only time will tell.

 

[westie~ma]

DS needs pushing to do anything other than laying in his bed or playing on his xbox ..... I despair I really do .

I go from pulling my hair out at him to laughing with him at something he says or does. He truly is a lovely boy (but he keeps it well hidden ) We've always said he never quite follows the herd, this surfaced in junior school when he was asked to sit on his bottom and not on his knees "I am not a sheep!" he replied to the teacher, I got called into school for that :001_huh:

He got through GCSE's with a few battles from us. Now he 's in college hubs has taken on dealing with him and I am now referee, it's not a parenting style that I'd recommend for e everyone but for us it works .... just about *fingers crossed*

Dd is another kettle of fish, fine in school, perfect pupil. Ds teases her at she's adopted .... if you could see her she's defo not

Both have had maths tutor for years, dd had an english tutor cos she needed speech therapy when a tot I didn't want her held back by that.

They've both done after school stuff, tennis, rugby, cricket, karate, trampolining, gym, swimming, scouts, rainbows. I was taxi for them both and some evenings lived in my car ferrying them around.

These activities were done over years in school, we're a very sporty family so I wanted them to try as many as they wanted to see what they enjoyed in the hope that something would spark and they'd continue with it or go back to it later on.

They both go to the gym with hubs and DS now has a few descent tennis shots, good enough to knock consistently with me.

 

[northnsouth]

I never "push" but I certainly try to "coax" the best out of them..

 

[cheekyscrip]

I wouldn't class myself as a pushy parent but I encourage my kids to stick at things, they go through phases of not wanting to go to their after school activities (that they have chosen to do!) but its usually a passing phase and after a couple of weeks they're enjoying it again. I think its good to encourage them to stick at things and I won't take them out of school for holidays because I feel this shows them that holidays are more important then their education. IMO I'm the adult so I'm the one in a position to make a rational decision about what they do and just cause they 'don't feel like going' is not a good enough reason to give something up (my kids are 9 and 8)

as to activities..those are golden words...I allow to quit if I see that something is not right..but not "one day I go..one day i do not feel like it"...

They can go to university or not...but I want them to do their A levels and get decent grades..and then choose what they want next...be it doctor , be it chef...

 

[westie~ma]

Would just like to add .... in my experience if you need a team sport that is non contact for your child and a relaxed atmosphere for adults ... cricket is just the answer.

The parents all clap the batsman off (regardless of his score), the parents all clap the teams off. No heckling whatsoever. Usually sitting outside of an afternoon in the sun. Dogs are welcome. Only downside is cost of equipment and here its the travelling and weather, we were rained off alot.

Saying all that, we had many enjoyable afternoons