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Off work with stress and depression...

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Kittenfostermummy, Oct 12, 2015.


  1. Kittenfostermummy

    Kittenfostermummy PetForums VIP

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    and my boss wants a meeting with me to see if there is anything she can do to help me get back to work. I have loosely said yes to this meeting but would I be wrong to go? Plus the meeting will be taking place in my work place not even somewhere neutral!?!

    Any thoughts?!?!
     
  2. Colliebarmy

    Colliebarmy PetForums VIP

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    at least shes making the effort
     
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  3. Kittenfostermummy

    Kittenfostermummy PetForums VIP

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    True but I think that is mainly because she is loosing all her staff through either quitting or illness!!
     
  4. rona

    rona Still missing my boys

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    silvi, Lurcherlad, Summersky and 2 others like this.
  5. Muttly

    Muttly Fluffy Mutts Rule!

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    Use the opportunity to tell her why it's so bad in there?

    I think also, it would be weird if she wanted to meet away from work.
     
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  6. Kittenfostermummy

    Kittenfostermummy PetForums VIP

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    Thanks guys xxx I will arrange the meeting with her and see what she has to say. @rona I have already spoken to ACAS about working there and issues I was having and they were less than helpful to say the least :(
     
  7. Britt

    Britt PetForums VIP

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    Last time I suffered from a very bad depression, the management sent me what they call a person of trust. I didn't talk to her. I talked to the stress team instead. They really helped me out.
     
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  8. rona

    rona Still missing my boys

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    That's odd, they were very helpful when my old boss held onto my redundancy money!
     
  9. Kittenfostermummy

    Kittenfostermummy PetForums VIP

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    I phoned them up as there was an issue with me being bullied and discriminated against, they basically told me to suck it up and what was it I wanted to achieve by reporting them if I did go down that route, but it was said in a way that was like stop being so stupid and get on with it!
     
  10. rona

    rona Still missing my boys

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    Maybe it depends on what you want to discuss, my boss was actually breaking the law. Also, I suppose it could be like many other places, it depends who you get on the other end of the phone.
    How long ago did you contact them?

    There's Citizens Advice which I went to before ACAS, they were ruddy useless but I know they've helped others
     
  11. Colliebarmy

    Colliebarmy PetForums VIP

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    Invite the boss round onto your turf, mood lighting, incense sticks, maybe a singing bowl or 2
     
  12. Jobeth

    Jobeth PetForums VIP

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  13. Mum2Heidi

    Mum2Heidi PetForums VIP

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    I've found ACAS brilliant most times I've needed help.
    In the last instance, my OH's employers treated him badly but craftily covered their tails by offering him work in another store. Whilst I felt it was wrong, involved a lot of travelling etc. it put them in the right.
    Must admit, they were quite short with me over it but whenever they've been able to help, nothing is too much trouble. I would still recommend them.
     
  14. Summersky

    Summersky PetForums VIP

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    My first thought was ACAS.

    Perhaps try contacting them again pre the meeting; they may be more helpful this tme, and should advise you on what you should be saying/asking for.

    Then, if you feel up to it, and trust the person who wants to meet, I'd say go for it. Hopefully you will have chance to explain your illness, how work affected/triggered it, and how they can help going forward. Don't commit to anything - just say you need to talk to your doctor if necesssary, and don't take on more than you are comfortable with. Staffing is their problem, not yours, and you don't want to set yourself back. A staggered return, or a change of role may be more suitable for you.

    I would suggest taking someone with you though, who can advocate for you if necessary, is a witness and can help you remember all that was said.
     
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  15. Lurcherlad

    Lurcherlad PetForums VIP

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    Agree with Summersky and definitely take someone along with you as you are obviously feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment, so having someone with you will help.
     
  16. Jesthar

    Jesthar PetForums VIP

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    Speaking with my Union hat on, if you don't want to have the meeting at work, you can ask for it to be elsewhere. Technically when you are signed off due to work related stress, they should refrain from asking you to come in to a work building at all given that the work enviroment is the source of your current stress. When I was signed off with the same thing (for pretty much similar reasons) they came to my house instead, but if you don't want them invading your home a local coffee shop or cafe would do fine. I would see that as a reasonable request, anyway.

    Definitely take someone with you for support (and as a witness), do not go alone. I had two Union reps (who are also friends) who came, plus boss (who was great, it was a more senior manager who was the problem) and HR. Don't make any promises about when you will be back, that is up to you and your doctor and your manager is not allowed to pressure you. Discussing a general return plan in more practical terms is OK, though, so see what you can negotiate to make life easier - I did a phased return, two days a week, then three, then four, then back to full time.

    It is very, very useful to write down any points you want to make about what elements of the workplace have contributed to your illness. You can guarantee your mind will go blank at a critical moment otherwise!

    The 'what do you want to achieve' questions is one that we as Union reps are trained to ask - it's not supposed to be a dismissive thing, it's supposed to get you to think about exactly what you want to change. A lot of people come to us to talk about issues they have, but haven't thought about what or how they would like changed, only that they want things to change. It should be asked in an appropriate fashion though! Bearing that in mind, though, as well as the points about what helped cause your illness, you could also have a list of things which could practically be done to help change the work environment for the better.

    Hope it goes well :) *hugs*
     
  17. soulful dog

    soulful dog PetForums Senior

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    Alarm bells rang straight away when you said the meeting was at your work. There is absolutely no need for you to do that (unless you are totally comfortable with it), and I'm surprised at them even suggesting it.

    I'd definitely go along with everything Jesthar has posted, very good advice.
     
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  18. Kittenfostermummy

    Kittenfostermummy PetForums VIP

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    Thanks guys, I am having the meeting tomorrow at 11.30am, hopefully it will be a informal chat and then I have a nice walk with a friend planned afterwards to look forward to xxxx
     
  19. Spellweaver

    Spellweaver PetForums VIP

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    Hope your meeting goes ok. Jesthar has already given you some very good advice, but I just wanted to emphasise that the meeting should be about you, and how you are, and what work has done to contribute to your illness, and what they can put in place so that once you are well enough to return, the same thing won't happen again. It shouldn't be along the lines of "you need to think about coming back" but more along the lines of "how can we help you to get well enough to come back and what can we do to help you when you do come back?"
     
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