bo obama used a different shrub this morning during his AM-constitutional, and upon investigation, it was found that his usual-shrub had been bugged - a webcam had been installed in this seemingly-innocent bush to squirt real-time photos from the White-House garden to a geostationary satellite. so far, the perpetrators and purpose remain unknown; the investigation is ongoing, and we will keep our readers abreast of any developments. four different Middle-Eastern terrorist organizations [names - click here] have already claimed that they installed the camera, and 3 have car-bombed one another while denouncing the false-claims of their rivals; luckily, as they have been so busy with reprisals against one another, no civilian injuries or deaths have been reported for 12-hours and counting - the USA, Britain, and the UN are now arguing over who gets the credit for the abrupt drop in injuries and fatalities. betty white has begun channeling Benji and the original Weatherwax Lassie of film-fame - and she has published a book that was auto-written during her somnambulist spells, titled If Lifes a Bitch, Wheres Mine? - musings from the far-end of the leash. sales are reported to be brisk via the internet-booksellers, but some copies have been returned - the buyers were expecting canine-pornography, and were disappointed to discover it was all text. a peek inside the book is available on Amazon books - hopefully this will prevent any further misunderstandings.