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Need advice URGENT please

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by shetlandlover, Apr 24, 2011.


    As most of you know I am a carer for my mum who has multiple health problems.
    Well, I am at the end of my tether now. I really do not know what to do.
    My mum had a friend who lives across the road, call her Sarah. Sarah has 9 children but only 4-5 live with her. They are a pretty messed up family and we have ALWAYS had problems with them. Sarah's 29 year old son Danny bullies my 10 year old brother Ben.

    Well sarah has a daughter called Lauren and she's 23 however she's very immature for her age and HATES me going to my mum house. Every time I go she text's my mum asking why I have to be there.

    A couple of weeks ago Lauren pm'd me on facebook and called me and my mum fatties and my little brother Ben a ****. My mum says this cant possibly be Lauren and my mum thinks the sun shines out of Lauren's ass yet Lauren has not denied it was her.

    Well 2 days ago apparently Sarah told Lauren to pack her bags and get out. Sarah and Lauren's brothers say that Lauren said she was leaving not that Sarah kicked her out. Apparently Sarah kicked her out because she stuck up for Ben against Danny and her 13 year old brother Greg who were picking on Ben.

    Well, my mum took Lauren in. Even though Lauren doesnt want me to see my mum. And so it starts.....

    When I was younger (about 11) my mum decided to take in ANOTHER kid and tret her better than a daughter. She would say how perfect Amy was as a daughter and Amy would kick my head in daily.....for 2 years this happened. (Amy was 15 when I was 11). After 2 years my mum kicked her out.

    Well, Lauren was only suppose to be staying with mum until Tuesday but every attempt mum makes to ask her about getting her own place/sorting herself out she wont talk! Just looks at mum.

    I took Ben, and he's staying with us currently. Well 2 days ago I went over and Lauren would NOT sit in the same room with me. I ended up stud out in the rain because I felt uncomfortable.

    Well yesterday I took Ben over to get his egg's and sort some stuff out and Lauren walked out of the house and refused to come in while I was there. She also refused to go shopping with mum and me because I was coming.

    To say I felt uncomfortable is an understatement!! Even Ben noticed Lauren would not be in the same house as me.

    When I ring mum to let her know Ben's okay, Lauren listens in!

    Well today my mum has got her mum to come over, now I have not seen my mums mum (she does not deserve the title grandma) in 10 years. My mum has begged me to attend even though she knows I hate "grandma" and only have 1 grandma which is my dads mum. Well I have agree'd to go for my mum's sake but its going to be even harder because Lauren's there.

    Well...........last night Ben started crying. I got it out of him after an hour of pestering. He said that he knows mums going to give Lauren all the attention and he's going to be left with no mum. Because........she's been doing that for a week now before Lauren moved in.

    I gave him a hug and told him I would be his super sister - mum- mix if it came to it.
    I have told mum about all of this and all she says is "what am I suppose to do".
  2. dobermummy

    dobermummy Banned

    Apr 4, 2009
    Likes Received:
    ok first things first *massive hugs* to you and Ben.

    i would say sit your mum and and try to talk to her but it sounds like she wont listen (sorry :eek:) so if it was me i would just be there for Ben and give him all the love and everything he needs (i know you do already but you know what i mean)

    as for going round to see your mum's mum i would go round, show my face, say hi then make my excuses to leave.

    hope things are sorted soon for you
  3. thedogsmother

    thedogsmother PetForums VIP

    Aug 28, 2008
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    Omg hun my heart breaks for you, what a terrible position to be put in, as your brother is underage and has special needs (if I havent mis-remembered:eek:) couldnt you call in social services and say that he feels uncomfortable in his own home and he is frightened of this girls family. Your mum is an idiot (sorry but she is certainly acting like one) and she should be grateful for her own family, I personally would go round all the time and sit with my mum so this little baggage leaves the room. Could your brother come and live with you or is that a definate imposibillity?.
  4. HelloKittyHannah

    HelloKittyHannah PetForums VIP

    Nov 18, 2010
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    Aww that's a really bad situation :(
    Can you get Ben to write your Mum a letter? Or draw her a picture showing how sad he is?
    Alternatively, would your Mum listen if you refused to take Ben over there because of how upset he is?

    Ultimately as it's your Mum's house there isn't really anything you can do to make her kick Lauren out (which is a shame) but if you can make her see how it's hurting her own family then it might help.

    Good luck!
  5. Starlite

    Starlite PetForums VIP

    Sep 9, 2009
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    Threaten her with social services (dont do it obv) as its not fair on your wee bro x
  6. That's Sam. Ben is the (I hate this word) "normal" one. Sam is coming back today for the day and I know for a fact he's going to kick off at having a stranger in the house!

    I am just at a loss here.
  7. xxwelshcrazyxx

    xxwelshcrazyxx PetForums VIP

    Jul 3, 2009
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    Thats awful, you and your brother should be your mums first priority not this girl or her family. She is obviously jealous by you or she wouldn't leave the room when you are there, I would keep visiting just for the fact that this Lauren will get up and leave. Your mum needs to tell her that she have stayed long enough to sort something out now and your mum needs more time with your brother. If she dont get the hint..then I would talk to social worker about it, your brother should NOT have to feel like this in his OWN home, poor thing is feeling left out and push aside, he is going to grow up resenting your mother for siding with this low life family. I hope you get to sort it out soon as this can't go on any longer, it is so not fair on you or your brother. xxxxx
  8. MissShelley

    MissShelley PetForums VIP

    May 9, 2010
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    Go round, get her stuff and throw it and her out on the road. Sorry but you and your mum owe this girl nothing. And when it's starting to affect to your brother then it's a problem that needs dealing with.

    What made your mum take her in? Could your mum be lonely and miss having you around?

    She sounds dangerous and manipulative, and if you don't get this sorted then she will alienate everybody from your mum :(

    Hope it all works out for you x
  9. Mum2Alfie

    Mum2Alfie PetForums VIP

    Jan 4, 2010
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    Oh blimey. This I am not trained for as yet! But I didnt want to read and run. This is very in depth and sounds like theres alot more to it. I wish you all the luck in the world and may suggest getting some professional help in with this. i dont think your mum is in any shape to look after a girl with mental health problems.

    However I think you are doing the right thing with your brother. Keep him with you while this goes on.
  10. sue&harvey

    sue&harvey PetForums VIP

    Mar 10, 2010
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    This is going to sound really mean and harsh, but I would report your mum to the benefits agency. She does not currently have her dependent living at home, and has someone of working age. Mabey this would be a shock for her. Also Call the police re the bullying! It is NOT right for an adult to bully a child.

    If your mum really wants this girl out then the police can help there too.

    Hope you can sort this out soon :)
  11. JANICE199

    JANICE199 PetForums VIP

    Feb 1, 2008
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    What a horrible person this Lauren sounds.Personaly i'd treat her with the contempt she deserves.I'd go round to your mums and stay in the house just to piss her off,and if she decided to go out i'd be packing her things and returning them to her own mother.She sounds an nasty bit of work.:(
  12. Agree with everything you say!
    And Em! if I were you I would show her the door! and suggest she walks 'nicely'' through it!
  13. Ben's only been staying here for 2 nights. :|
    And Lauren get's benefits (job seekers I think).


    Just got off the phone to mum who said she doesnt want Lauren there anymore.

    Mum's going to try and talk her into going back home because my mum's starting to realize she's losing her own family in hte process.

    She asked Ben if he would come home if she kicked Lauren out tonight and Ben said no because he wants to come dog walking with us instead.

    Haha kids.

    Right so mums going to try and get her to go home as mum doesnt think she is ready/mature enough for her own place if she refuses to talk! And threatens to kill herself every time my mum doesnt give her attention.

    Will update later on hopefully!

    Thanks all for the advice, reading some of these out to mum helped her make her mind up!
  14. AmberNero

    AmberNero PetForums VIP

    Jun 6, 2010
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    Oh good lord, what a mixed up situation :( I'm glad your mum has seen some sense, it sounds like Lauren may need some kind of outside support, I mean, she doesn't sound like a nice person, but she also sounds a bit 'off', so your mum may find it very difficult to get through to her. I hope this girls mum gets involved to help.

    It sounds like you're a brilliant sister :thumbup: at least Ben knows there's somewhere loving, stable and safe for him to go if things go a bit werbly.
  15. catz4m8z

    catz4m8z PetForums VIP

    Aug 27, 2008
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    Wow, I hope your mum gets rid of her soon. TBH your mum sounds like the kind of person who attracts users, and those are always the hardest people to get rid of. At least your brother has you to look after him and spoil him though. I expect he often feels forgotten about as everyone knows he can look after himselves better then his brother.:( Hope he enjoys his dog walk with you.;)
  16. harley bear

    harley bear PetForums VIP

    Feb 20, 2010
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    Im gonna be totally honest. From what you have said in your original post your mom doesnt deserve her kids! how on earth can you put a stranger before your own children? I cant even comprehend putting anyone else before my kids.
    I would call SS and explain the situation, could he live with you?
    i would tell her if she doesnt kick her out TODAY then you will be speaking to the benefit agency and to SS! It does not matter if she has nowhere to live etc there are local refuges and hostels she could go to why shes waiting for a place of her own.
  17. CheekoAndCo

    CheekoAndCo PetForums VIP

    Jun 17, 2009
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    Pack up your stuff plus all the animals and move in with your mum. Lauren will soon move out ;)

    It's not fair on your brother with all his problems to be feeling so left out at home.
  18. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

    Mar 8, 2011
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    So so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with all this sh*t SL - it is very unfair. Especially when you already do so much for your family.

    As such, I am now going to brutally blunt......

    23 yr old Lauren is never going to grow up & mature whilst everyone runs around after her sorry ass and 'supports' her all the time. It is dealing with the cr*p in life that changes us from children into adults. She needs to wake up & smell the coffee and realise that the time of always having her hand held ended five years ago.

    You want her out, Ben wants her out and - MOST IMPORTANTLY - your Mum wants her out. So you go to your mums and you give this girl an ultimatum "Pack her stuff up herself or you'll do it for her. She has outstayed her welcome and it is time for her to move on." If she gives you the "I've nowhere to go...." line, you need to be strong and hard and tell her that that is not YOUR problem.

    Right now, your priority is to your mum, your brother and YOUR family. She is NOT your family and she needs to be told that - in no uncertain terms if required.

    Good luck hun - you are a lovely, warm, generous person but sometimes we need to go against the fabric of our nature to protect our own.

    Be strong and reap the benefits.

    1 person likes this.
  19. Mum has told lauren to go and talk with her family, well because lauren was not welcome while there was a "family meeting" and Lauren wouldnt go back to her family so said she's going to go commit suicide and walked off.

    Lauren also has been at mums for 3 nights now, not getting up till 1 in the afternoon even though mum needs to get things done around the house.:blink:
  20. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

    Mar 8, 2011
    Likes Received:
    This is emotional blackmail of the first degree. Your mum should not have to put up with this in her own home.

    Another option you could consider is that you give Lauren a final ultimatum - she has until 7pm this evening to get out of your mums house or you will be calling the police to remove her. If she is still there at 7.05pm, you CALL the police.

    She is 'extracting the urine' - you need to sort her out hun.
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