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My 'friend' has been talking about me behind my back.

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Royoyo, Sep 28, 2013.


  1. Royoyo

    Royoyo PetForums VIP

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    And it all seems very much like we're back in the playground at school. How do you handle these things as an adult?

    There is 3 of us who are quite close (or I thought we we're) and one of them came to my house tonight and after a few drinks she showed me all these messages from Facebook that this other girl had been sending to the person who came to my house. She said she felt bad about going along with her messages she had been sending, so she thought she would be honest with me :eek:. Quite a few of them we're about me... Calling me a dirty f'in tramp, saying that I am a sl*g, saying that I am up my own a*se! I think i'm the best, i'm annoying etc. The annoying one I'll give her, I can be pretty annoying lol but...

    This 'woman' who sent these messages is supposed to be my friend. Infact on Tuesday I gave her and her child a lift to her child's Fathers house, we then went to the pub together for a little bit. I don't understand what I've done to her for her to think that of me. I don't understand how someone can be so fake! Like if you don't like someone you just say I don't like you, don't talk to me, why would you carry on being friends with someone who you don't like :confused:

    I know I always seem to be ranting about something on here but this has really upset me. Safe to say I actually feel like I have 0 friends at all, well maybe my Mum :eek: but that's about it.

    I don't know if I should confront her about it? or just let it die :confused:
     
  2. MCWillow

    MCWillow PetForums VIP

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    People dont carry on being friends with someone they dont like.

    Some people will hold onto to people they can take from. You give her lifts - thats useful to her.

    She might have really low self esteem, and she might feel she is 'beneath' you because you can do something she cant (get her child to it fathers for example) - but that is her problem.

    Its nothing you have done, its just how she expresses herself.

    I have had 'friends' like this - and they are no longer friends.

    They find new friends that can give them more, make them look or feel better, and they dont want the ones that know the real them.

    Personally, I wouldnt bother with her anymore - if she asks why, well just be honest with her - you have nothing to lose do you?
     
  3. Robnsacha

    Robnsacha Guest

    Pretty much as mcwillow said. Ive known people like that, known been the key word there. I also question the motives of the friend who came round for a drink.
     
  4. redroses2106

    redroses2106 PetForums VIP

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    I've been in similar situations, best thing to do is ditch her and move on, as for the one who showed you the messages if she was also bitching about you she is no better, I mean why show you them? because she feels guilty or to cause trouble or to make you feel bad, honestly find some better people to spend your time with not people who will talk about you but be your best mate when they need or want something from you, it's hard to cut ties with "friends" sometimes for fear of being alone, but being alone is much better than being with people who are unkind to you. Try to spend more time with friends that are nicer, and not just using you for lifts etc.
     
    #4 redroses2106, Sep 28, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2013
  5. Royoyo

    Royoyo PetForums VIP

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    Thank you! I get it, it's just it hurt me a bit. On the day I gave her a lift and went to the pub with her she had sent a message to this girl saying that she'd been with me for a few more hours than she could handle and that i'm so f'in annoying!

    I get that I don't need them and I can make new friends but i'm only human, it has hurt my feelings not gonna lie.

    I actually want to drop kick her in the face....but I will refrain and be the bigger person :)
     
  6. chichi

    chichi Banned

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    What an absolute bitch of a friend!

    It must be upsetting for you ... like a kick in the gut after you giving her a lift too :(

    Some people are just not worth it ... the friend who revealed the messages also sounds like a two faced mare :mad::

    I would ditch the pair of them and try to make worthy friends.

    Truth is ... they are probably jealous of you ;) Ive had this sort of stuff with my DDs and their so called friends. Sad that some people can be such back stabbing individuals.
     
  7. lilythepink

    lilythepink PetForums VIP

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    One friend bad mouthed you but the other one listened to it and had more than one message?

    Why would one person feel comfortable enough to say so much behind your back to a mutual friend?

    With friends like both of these, who needs enemies?

    I would say nothing, neither of them are worth it, have nothing to do with either of them.
     
  8. DoodlesRule

    DoodlesRule PetForums VIP

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    They both sound a horrible bitchy pair, you must feel really hurt but best thing is to cut them out of your life. The one who showed you the messages is just as bad - if she was a real friend she would not have gone along with it in the first place. I suspect they are jealous about something

    I wouldn't go and confront them just next time they make any contact just calmy say you prefer the company of nice people not two faced witches
     
  9. Mulish

    Mulish Just a Little Penguin

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    I'm sorry, OP, what a pair of cowbags they sound. You're right, things don't really change much between the school playground and the adult world, horrible people are horrible people, often right from birth. I know you can't always tell over a forum but I've read a lot of your posts and you don't strike me as annoying. Of course, as with all mean spirited behaviour, the recipient is rarely the one with the issue that needs resolving.

    Move on, my dear. Don't cause a fuss, don't lower yourself to their level, just get on with your life without them in it. It's like getting rid of rising damp, you might have gotten used to the funky smell and black spores everywhere to the point where you think that you like them. Once they are gone and you find yourself breathing easier, though, you'll realise just how detrimental it was to your health.

    Or something ;) :D
     
    Royoyo likes this.
  10. catz4m8z

    catz4m8z PetForums VIP

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    wow, you'd think people would behave like adults wouldnt you??
    I would def ditch the one who has been badmouthing you on Facebook. TBH though if it was me I might be inclined to give the other one the benefit of the doubt (if they are usually a good friend that is). They wouldnt be the first person to be sucked into saying what they shouldnt online, and they did own up to you.;)
     
  11. simplysardonic

    simplysardonic Moderator
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    I'd ditch them both. Life's too short for people like that.
     
  12. sharonbee

    sharonbee PetForums VIP

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    If these are your friends I would hate to see your enemies...you really don't need friends like these, you must have been totally devastated to hear what has been said about you.

    Personally I don't have friends, I prefer to spend all my time with my husband and we have family who like to visit occasionally, we visit them too when we can.

    I don't like the thought of friends coming gossiping, drinking and backstabbing either myself or others, it has never really appealed to me, much prefer the company of close family.

    The only friends we see are my husbands work collegues who have to come over now and then for a works meeting (my husband works from home due to a long term illness)
     
  13. catz4m8z

    catz4m8z PetForums VIP

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    depends on the gossip for me!:D You have to remember that gossiping is a totally normal thing to do and from a sociological point of view necessary to help glue socities together. I think the internet age though has made many people step over the bounds of what would be normal. People say things online that they might never say face to face, even when they are gossiping!
     
  14. Marycat

    Marycat PetForums Senior

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    I am definitely more suspicious of the 'friend' who showed you the messages? What was her motive other than to stir it up and hurt you? Although I am not defending your other mate having a bitch about you.. how many of us can say we have never done it? I had a massive rant the other night about my best mate, she let me down last minute on a night out and I called her all the names under the sun, a hour later when I calmed down I remembered all the good things about her and why I love her to bits but if she had heard me mid flow she would have been horrified!! I am equally sure she has had a good bitch about me on occasion too.

    I would rise above it hon.. it sounds like the stirrer is after some trouble, don't give her the satisfaction.:)
     
  15. Bellaboo1

    Bellaboo1 PetForums VIP

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    I'd have to say something, probably something like "oh by the way you won't be wanting anymore lifts then seeing as you have such a low opinion of me" then I'd cut the pair of them dead. You don't need people like that in your life they are takers, I know I've met enough of them. I don't let people take the piss anymore
     
  16. sskmick

    sskmick PetForums VIP

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    Personally I would ignore the comment and ignore her.

    For me its my mum who calls me behind my back, to other family members and family friends, yeh really nice. :rolleyes:

    The problem with mum is that when she is told something, she twists it to suit, gets it fixed in her head and believes her version to be true. Over time it gets exaggerated out of all proportion, and when asked where did you get that from she will answer, you. :eek: If you try to put her right, she will say that isn't what you said at the time, well don't tell me anymore cos I'm not interested. Basically I will believe what I want to.

    We haven't spoken in almost two years because she feels I have robbed her of her inheretance from her sister. I even sent her a copy of the letter I received from the solicitor and a copy of my cheque which was approximtely £1,000 less than hers. However in her head I bought this house cash from the money I received from the estate (a figure in head that didn't exist). :eek: She is 80 and can be excused now, however she has always been the same, for as long as I can remember but always directed at other people.

    Nowt na stranger than folk!
     
  17. skyblue

    skyblue PetForums VIP

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    but then the drop kick would make you feel a whole lot better;)
     
  18. Flamingoes

    Flamingoes PetForums VIP

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    Ugh :( I'm really sorry that happened to you.

    This is why I don't have Facebook...or friends actually *ponders* :lol:

    I was always told, as a kid, that you can count your true friends on one hand and it really has proved to be the case for me.

    I really hope you find yours or already have them, outside of those people xxxx
     
  19. Royoyo

    Royoyo PetForums VIP

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    Thanks for the replies everyone :)

    I feel better about it all today, like most of you have said, I don't need people like that in my life!
     
  20. sskmick

    sskmick PetForums VIP

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    I was told as a kid "your best friend is your worst enemy".
     
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