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My Beautiful Mona

Discussion in 'Rainbow Bridge' started by avl1982, Aug 12, 2009.


  1. avl1982

    avl1982 PetForums Junior

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    Dear All,

    We lost our beautiful Mona Lisa on Monday evening. She was 21 years old and her time had finally come, being only 27 myself, she's been around for most my life. We had to take the extremely difficult decision to take her to the vet to be put to sleep and it was such a hard day and everything seemed to happen so quickly and just seemed unreal. We buried her in the garden next to her brother and our old dog who died a few years ago now.

    But this is more complicated than just losing my pet and the grief that goes with it. I still live with my parents, who are currently away on holiday for 4 weeks. Before they left, they asked that if Mona died, I shouldn't tell them. But now I just feel like that was the wrong decision and maybe they didn't really think about it first. I've now got 2 1/2 weeks before I pick them up from the airport and will probably mull over it for all that time. My fiance and I agreed that they're adults and made that decision knowing she might die while they were gone, but I do feel like they would be better off knowing now and preparing themselves for coming home to a Mona-less house.

    We have agreed to respect their decision as once told, they could not be untold. But now I'm worrying how to tell them, we've decided it must be at the airport...but what to say? How to say it?

    Needless to say I am so upset about Mona that this on top feels like too much.

    Any help/advice/support would be deeply appreciated.

    Thank you
    Abi
     
  2. FREE SPIRIT

    FREE SPIRIT PetForums VIP

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    So sorry for your loss. :(

    R.I.P MONA XXXX
     
  3. Yourgifts Ourgifts

    Yourgifts Ourgifts PetForums VIP

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    So sorry to hear of Mona's passing..Think only you will know when the times right to tell your parents..
    R.I.P Mona
     
  4. jill3

    jill3 PetForums VIP

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    So so sorry for your loss. R.I.P. Mona
    You must be devastated.
    Sorry I cannot advise you what to say.
    Only that I would not want to be told at an airport about the loss of my loved one.:(
    I would want to be told some where without the public looking on.:(
     
  5. avl1982

    avl1982 PetForums Junior

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    Thank you all for your kind messages. And your words on how to address it with my parents, I agree with you jill3 that the airport is not a good place to do it.

    I miss her so much. Sometimes I think I'm ok but then tonight I had to clear away her litter trays and it just had me in floods of tears. Our little spare room was where she had her litter trays and now it just looks so empty. I can't bring myself to clear away her bed yet.

    I keep thinking I hear her claws tapping on the wooden floor or see the flick of her tail as she comes to the sofa and she's not there. I know it will get easier, but part of me just wants to fast forward to that bit, and not have to go through all of this heartache.

    Your messages mean so much to me, because with my parents away, there are few others I know who would understand the loss I'm feeling. I'm so glad to have found this site as it gives me comfort and hope.

    Abi xx
     
  6. jill3

    jill3 PetForums VIP

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    It's very hard for you right now.
    Mona was a good age, but no matter what age they reach it's still not the right time for us.
    Also weather they die naturally or are put to sleep is neither right for us either.

    Over the next day or so i think you will be able to think more clearly of how you are going to tell your parents.
    Also the loving memories of Mona will come back to you.
    I have found a little poem for you that you can give to your Parents.
    I have just sent this to my friend in France who has just lost one of her cats.
    Hope this helps.

    CAT'S EULOGY (WITH LOVE)

    TO MY MUM AND DAD WITH LOVE.

    Don't be sad you had to end my pain
    And know that you will see me once again
    God's given me a place to wait for you
    And you know what? He says he loves me too!!!

    There's lots of different critters all around
    In Heaven there's no evil to be found
    So all of us just seem to get along
    And Angels serenade us with their songs

    People hear are kind and stroke my fur
    And they all seem to like it when i purr
    I'm no longer sick so I am glad
    Please don't fill your days by being sad

    I haven't really gone that far away
    And I'm really looking forward to the day
    That we can be together up above
    In this land of peace and happiness and love
     
  7. hayleyb

    hayleyb PetForums VIP

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    i am so sorry for your loss. but it sounds like she had a fantastic life and to 21 years old is jst fantastic. as for your parents i wouldnt tell them. if you do it mite ruin their holiday. theres no harm in waitin till they get home when they can be sat down and can grieve in the comfort of their own home.

    i went on holiday 2 years ago and while i was there my nanna had a heart attack. i got told the mornin i got home and cudnt believe no one had told me not even my oh who was at home. but now im glad coz i no all i wud have done was worried and wudnt have enjoyed my holiday.

    big hugs to you and your family at this sad time
     
  8. avl1982

    avl1982 PetForums Junior

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    Thank you jill3 and hayleyb for your kind words, it means so much at a time like this that people who don't even know me would reach out and touch my life in such a way.

    After MUCH thought, my fiance and I have decided that I will send my parents a message the day before they fly home. I know it might seem callous but here are my reasons:
    • it will give them a little time before they get home to come to terms with the fact they won't see her
    • it avoids having to tell them at the airport in front of everyone, and also avoids an awkward car journey in which they might ask, it also avoids them thinking they'll see her when they get home
    • this is a selfish one, but it also means I can look forward to picking them up instead of dreading having to tell them and how to do it
    • it means that they can enjoy the next 2 weeks of their holiday

    I don't know what you'll all think to that but on balance I think it is a good compromise. I just don't want them excited to see her, only to be told that she isn't there. I want to give them enough time to reach some kind of peace before they have to face the house without her, but not tell them now and ruin their holiday.

    Am I being fair?

    Thanks again for all your messages...

    Abi xx
     
  9. Spaniel mad

    Spaniel mad PetForums VIP

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    Im so sorry for your loss

    If it was me i would wait until they returned
     
  10. Cassies-mum

    Cassies-mum PetForums VIP

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    aw tthats so sad -im so sorry for your loss
     
  11. lizward

    lizward PetForums VIP

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    It's a difficult one. If I was coming home from holiday and hadn't been in touch with anyone, the very first thing I would want to know would be whether the cats were OK (in fact I can't imagine being away and not being in touch every day to ask!). They'll know as soon as you don't answer them. In fact even if they don't ask, they'll know by the very fact that you don't tell them. I think perhaps you might have made the right decision. It's a difficult one though, that's for sure.

    I am very sorry for your loss.

    Liz
     
  12. Acrophylla

    Acrophylla PetForums Member

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    I sympathise with how dreadful you must be feeling. However, I really don't think it's a good idea to contact them whilst on holiday, even if it is just before they come back. I say this because I was in a similar position to your parents a few years ago when I knew there was a risk that my pet might die of old age whilst I was on holiday. I too requested not to be told if the worst happened and I was so glad that my brother (who was looking after her) respected my wishes. When I returned the look on his face said it all and so I knew straight away what had happened. I am sure your parents will know instantly they see you that Mona has died and so you won't have to have any difficult conversation. So the car journey back from the airport won't be as bad as you think; they'll obviously be sad but Mona was very old. I am sure your parents will be glad you respected their wishes; they wouldn't have asked you not to tell them bad news on holiday if they didn't mean it.
     
  13. avl1982

    avl1982 PetForums Junior

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    Hello again

    And thanks so much for your messages. It has certainly given me food for thought. I feel a bit like I can't very well get this one right, I understand why many of you have said not to tell them and to wait until they get back, I think the problem for me is that I'm still trying to work through my grief and having the worry of telling them isn't helping me. I know that probably sounds very selfish, but in a way I feel it was unfair of them to ask me not to tell them because the loss is as much mine as it is their's and not being able to share it with them has made it harder for me.

    I see messaging them in advance as a compromise, allowing me to worry less about telling me and therefore find the next week a bit easier, but not telling them now and ruining the rest of their holiday.

    There are complications here, one of which is that they're at their own house abroad, the first time they've properly visited it and so maybe their last night will be special to them and I don't want to ruin that.

    I do agree with you Acrophylla, and having your perspective on a similar situation is very helpful. But I wonder if I'm right in thinking that the loss was yours alone and not your brother's? If you had known that it was also his loss and by not telling you it would make it harder for him, would you still have asked not to be told?

    I am still debating this with myself and have over a week to make the final decision. But as I say, it feels like I can't get this right.

    Thanks again for all your support
    Abi
     
  14. avl1982

    avl1982 PetForums Junior

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    Dear all,

    I just thought I'd give an update. Thank you for all your messages, it has certainly been food for thought.

    My parents return tomorrow and I have made the very tough decision to tell them on their return, but this will have to be at the airport. It's been very tough and it plays on my mind alot, how to tell them, what to say...

    I started clearing away Mona's things last night and it was so much harder than I was expecting. I thought that as it's been a couple of weeks, it would be easier but it wasn't.

    I realised that my decision to text was a decision for me, and now this decision to tell them on their return is a decision for them. But it is very hard on me.

    Thank you for all your support over the past couple of weeks. It's comforted and guided me.

    Thank you
    Abi
     
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