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Mooky has passed away. I'm heartbroken

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by sarybeagle, Jun 18, 2019.

  1. sarybeagle

    sarybeagle PetForums VIP

    Nov 4, 2009
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    My beloved boy Mooky passed away suddenly at home on 30/05/19.
    He had a small seizure from which he never recovered.
    My heart shattered as he left and I still haven't really allowed myself to process it.
    "Thankfully" I was here and with him when it happened. He didn't go alone. I'd have hated if he'd gone alone, I'd have wondered if there was something I could have done, wondered how long the seizure lasted and if using the diazepam could have saved him.
    I kissed his head telling him it's ok, trying to calm him whilst he fitted. It's wasnt as aggressive a seizure as his others. I don't think he had the strength. His eye was going VERY fast left to right as he fitted. I've never seen that before with him.

    Only about an hour before hand I'd laid in the garden with him and said he can let go, he didn't have to keep fighting and that I'd be ok. I wanted him to be at peace as that day I knew was either his last or the 31st was going to be.
    I just never expected him to go THAT quickly! Before my ex husband and son could arrive home from work. Just 30 mins later. But he was exhausted, I could see that in him.

    He went downhill quickly that day and went from being a bit wobbly in the am and popping to the vets with him as his Horner's was back only on the other eye!
    But his face was paralysed that side and he couldn't blink in the week or two before he died (he had lube drops for eye)
    But that am he couldn't eat properly with the facial paralysis and his bark had changed.
    Vet felt he had a tumour around his ear area causing the Horner's but also it was affecting his vagus nerve as his heart was racing despite being calm laid out on the floor, she gave him a very thorough check over. Felt he wasn't in pain and that he had only days left, she felt he was beginning to show me "the look" and looking back that morning yes he probably did.
    I know the photo I took in the garden as I said he could go, show him not really there anymore. He looked different.

    Leaving the vets at 11 he needed carrying to the car and then from car to house, something he's never ever needed. I was texting ex saying he needed to get home. I bloody wish I'd been more direct and told him to just rush home. He went for a jog after work instead.....

    Mooky spent the day by my side, he could walk to the garden and pee but then would need to lay down quickly.
    So I tried to keep him sleeping and laid down with him for hours.
    He was totally blind but had been for some weeks now and I think that day his hearing was bad too. So I had to lay with an arm over him or touching to know I was there otherwise he was restless looking for me.
    He had so many kisses that day. I just wish I could give him one more.

    Vet saw him 11am by 5:30pm he has gone.
    It's just not how I wanted him to go at all.
    I was downstairs with him, I had got up from get sofa toget a drink and he got up off the floor to follow and just fell to the floor seizing.
    I grabbed the phone and rang the vet as the diazepam I had for him went out of date in January, so I wanted advice. She said if he had a second fit then just use it.
    However before even a minute on the phone I just screamed he'd gone. His whole body just stopped at once and I knew he'd gone. Like a light switching off.
    The poor vet nurse I was screaming and hung up.
    I rang my ex to chase him up and he was out running. He didn't answer the first two rings and when he did I just cried hysterical down the phone "he's gone" , he swore, threw his phone and he hung up on me. (It was more the fact he was angry with himself and not me although at the time I thought he was angry with me)

    I text my dog walker to say he's just died wtf do I do and bless him he rang me and calmed me down as I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe or talk. He's been a HUGE support with Mooky and he helped me carry him in from the vets that morning.
    He advised me to make Mooky presentable as he'd peed everywhere, sadly all over his bedding and blankets so they got washed and no longer have his scent on them
    So I cleaned that up, made him look asleep and just laid next to him sobbing and wailing. I didn't want my son walking in to him in the doorway, eyes open etc.
    I made him look peaceful.

    It wasn't the kidney failure that took him. But a seizure. My biggest fear.
    We took him to the out of hours vets at around 8pm. The VN came to open the door and it was the same one who'd looked after him for the last 8 years almost at the previous vet company we switched from during his kidney failure investigation. He had left and joined the new one we did too. He came out and hugged me tightly and was teary. He said I saw his name and just thought no :(
    So he couldn't have picked a better person to look after him for us.
    We had a chat and he said it all sounded like he went quickly and didn't suffer too much. The main thing was he passed with me at home. He was my limpet. My shadow.
    I told the VN how I'd said in the beginning of his kidney problems that I'd a granddaughter due on 27/05 and that it would be one soul out for one soul in.
    I knew moo would wait for her and then go..well she was born Saturday morning 01/06. Just 2 days later.
    Moo left for her to come.

    I will miss him until my dying day
    He was one in a billion
    My soul dog
    My best friend.
    I wish his death was 'better' for him. I hate that a seizure took him and that I didn't put my foot down and make ex come see him and then we would have taken him that evening back to the vets to let him go. But Moo made the decision for us.
    I miss him so much, the house has lost its sunshine.
    Everything feels grey and cold. I tried (failed) explaining why the house feels so different as Bella is such a different dog training Mooky. Polar opposites. That doesn't make her any less a wonderful dog, she's a lovely little girl. She's just not him. He was noisy, mischievous, interested in everything and anything. Had to be with u every waking moment. Remember I've had 5 years now at home every day all day. S
    October Moo no longer went out with the dog walker so mon-fri were OUR days. We had 3 hrs a day just mummy and moo time. I loved it. I miss it.
    He used to lay on his sun lounger whilst I did gardening bits and bobs. Bella won't go in garden. Neighbours terrified her with fireworks as a pup, she will pee out on patio and that is it.
    So I've given up gardening as it's too upsetting.
    Or I took him to pets at home for a treat to choose a treat and that was all he needed and would happily sleep after.
    Bella still goes with the dog walker mon-friday so she will happily sleep all day around that. She is quiet. Rarely makes a sound.
    I found a photo yesterday that helps sum up the two dogs. Bella - the good, well trained girl.
    Moo - the cheeky, fun loving boy. Always smiling.[​IMG]
    I miss him so much. My heart feels it breaks just knowing he's gone.
    Let alone processing and dealing with the fact.
    We had him cremated and in time we've a few places we'd like to scatter a little bit of him. Right now it's too raw.
    I thought having him home would help. It almost makes it worse. The whole time I knew he was waiting to be cremated was hard. I just wanted to.go curl up next to him but now, he no longer exists. I just can't. It hurts so much knowing that. He's gone forever now.

    My darling Moo. If it wasn't for this forum id have never got him. I saw his story in here with Gemma from beagle welfare collecting him in Boscastle. That was 8 years ago just a few days after he passed. His 8th gotcha day was on the 12th.

    Sorry it's not a happier update..
    Moo you were the bloody best. ♥️♥️
  2. MilleD

    MilleD PetForums VIP

    Feb 15, 2016
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    I'm so sorry for your loss :(

    Look after yourself.

    RIP Mooky. Run free xx
  3. McKenzie

    McKenzie PetForums VIP

    Nov 22, 2010
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    I’m so very sorry. Take care. RIP Mooky.
  4. Westie Mum

    Westie Mum PetForums VIP

    Feb 5, 2015
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    Oh gosh, i have shed quite a few tears reading your lovely tribute to him :(

    Run free handsome boy xx

    Sometimes the ending is not what we want, but in time i hope it will be of some comfort to you that he died at home, with you - big hugs x
  5. Lurcherlad

    Lurcherlad PetForums VIP

    Jan 5, 2013
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    Very sad to hear this :(

    So sorry for your loss. He will leave a huge hole.

    Take comfort in knowing he is at peace now.

    Run free dear Mooky
  6. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Moderator
    Staff Member

    Jan 21, 2013
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    So, so sorry about your loss.He was so loved and died in his own home ,what could be better ?
    I lost my little shadow just before Christmas, she was always under my feet getting tripped over !
    Thinking about you.xx
  7. Charity

    Charity Endangered Species

    Apr 17, 2013
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    I'm so sorry, he was a beautiful boy. Lucky to be much loved. Sweet dreams Mooky
  8. kimthecat

    kimthecat PetForums VIP

    Aug 11, 2009
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    Im so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you . [​IMG]

    Run Free Mooky.
  9. rottieboys

    rottieboys PetForums Member

    Jan 16, 2013
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    I am so sorry for you loss..Heartbreaking...
  10. margy

    margy PetForums VIP

    Dec 9, 2018
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    Thinking of you at this sad time with tears running down my face. He was much loved RIP handsome Mooky x
  11. Kittynanna

    Kittynanna PetForums Senior

    Feb 15, 2015
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    So very sorry for your loss, what a wonderful dog he was...you were both very lucky to have found each other.

    As someone else said, he was at home with you by his side.....I think that’s a lovely way to go x thinking of you.
  12. niamh123

    niamh123 PetForums VIP

    Nov 4, 2018
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    Run free Mooky
  13. Mum2Heidi

    Mum2Heidi PetForums VIP

    Feb 17, 2010
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    Lovely tribute to a beautiful boy.
    God bless Mookey
    Take care of you.
  14. JoanneF

    JoanneF PetForums VIP

    Feb 1, 2016
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    So sorry.
  15. Boxer123

    Boxer123 PetForums VIP

    Jul 29, 2017
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my girl 1st December and I wish it could have been different for her she had a heart attack and the vets took her away to try and help but I should have been with her.

    From your post it sounds like your boy was loved and treasured so many dogs do not find that I their life time.

    Try and look after yourself I used the Blue Cross counselling service for a few months after.

    Run free mooky x
  16. ttaylor45

    ttaylor45 PetForums Member

    Jan 3, 2011
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    I am so sorry to hear about Mooky I know you were worried about him for a long time as I posted last November about losing my darling Pepe to kidney failure and my darling Rusty 6 months earlier in May.it is so heartbreaking isn’t it but let’s hope our dogs are happy and well again. I miss them so much but have come to the decision I can’t live with out a dog in my life so I have been in touch with their breeder and hope to get a puppy later this year. It was strange I suddenly thought a few days ago that you hadn’t posted anything recently and I wondered how Mooky was and then I read your sad news. Take care and console yourself that he had a lovely life and he knew how much you loved him.
    sarybeagle likes this.
  17. sarybeagle

    sarybeagle PetForums VIP

    Nov 4, 2009
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    Thank you everyone

    He was a very special hound and I know I won't find another like him.
    I can't remember if this is within the sites rules or not but I made a just giving page in memory of him, raising funds for the beagle welfare society he came from.

    If anyone has a spare £1 they would like to donate in his memory I'd be eternally grateful. Originally I'd set it at £100 but that got smashed in a day so I've now got it at £300. Which I'd love to reach.
    If this isn't allowed then apologies.
    It would make.losing him that little less devastating to know other hounds waiting for a home get food, love and support at the rehoming centre.
    I'm sending them his winter coats for the oldie beagles to use in colder weather too. seems daft to keep hold of them under the stairs. But I know I'll she'd a tear posting them.

    Enough waffling
    Thank you for the kind words. They truly do help and my heart goes out to everyone who's lost their best 4 legged friend. If only they lived longer x
    rona likes this.
  18. Bluemoon7

    Bluemoon7 PetForums Junior

    Aug 6, 2017
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    Sorry for your loss. He sounds like he was a special dog and has a special place in your heart.

    I always think of this when trying to make sense of unbearable loss:

    The darker the night, the brighter the stars. The deeper the grief, the closer is God.....

    Run free little one........

    Thinking of you.

  19. Kim Watcham

    Kim Watcham KIM N ARCHIE

    Dec 16, 2017
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    so sorry for your loss ...take care
  20. rona

    rona Still missing my boys

    Aug 18, 2011
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    A very special dog who helped through some really tough times. All dogs are mourned and missed, I know Mooky will be doubly so
    sarybeagle likes this.
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