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Marriage

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Beagle Mafia, Apr 30, 2011.


  1. Beagle Mafia

    Beagle Mafia Guest

    Today got me thinking (that doesn't happen often ;) ) about marriage, the meaning of marriage and the future.

    For months I have been so unhappy... times are tough and the first few years of marriage really need hard work and effort.

    We got married 25th April 2009 and all that planning and preparation was worth it in the end. At the time I was an adult learning tutor teaching Devon and Somerset Fire and Rescue Service it was really hard work...in fact it was a nightmare targets to meet, manager to please on a daily basis and between 6-8 firemen to keep under control in a computer room!! (not an easy task) ;)

    But I suppose you could say it was a girls dream job. Hubby and I had everything a house, a lovely hamster, both had jobs and life was great.

    We had planned for months to get a beagle after the wedding and settle down man, wife and dog :D

    Well anyway the wedding went so well, it was a lovely day... it rained but hey that didn't really matter in the spirit of things :D months praying for sunshine and it rained (the fact the 2 weekends before and the 2 weekends after were sunny was just typical :rolleyes: )

    We went off on honeymoon and had arranged to collect Buster the day after. The honeymoon was perfect, maybe the calm before the storm (Buster :D )

    We arrived home on the Thursday...collected buster on the Friday and spent Saturday, Sunday and Monday (bank holiday) with Buster. On the Tuesday returned to work to find that I was being made redundant...marriage couldn't have got off to a worse start. For 14 months I did temp/PT jobs and money was tight...Buster was seriously ill Aug 2009 and vet bills were high. Money was so tight we had to move to a flat (well that was the worst 6 months of our lives!!) last year we moved house, I got a perm/FT job and although it's not what I dreamt of doing it pays the bills...we moved house and in Oct 2010 rehomed Millie.

    two years on we are still struggling...bills need to be paid, we are complete opposites, we argue over dog training, we argue over cooking, we argue over housework and we rarely show affection towards each other :( but today has made me think...we made that committment and promised to always care and love each other.

    I suppose what today has done is remind me that although we all strive for a 'perfect' day and get caught up in the excitement of planning we are actually making a lifelong committment and it's the meaning of teh day that should matter not the dress...the booze...the car.

    The first few years of marriage are tough our first two years were hell :D Just need to keep working at it...I'm shocked we lasted 2 years I don't know if we'll still be together this time next year...but everything requires effort.

    Sorry for waffling :D there has been so much about weddings today and it's been a tough day :)
     
    #1 Beagle Mafia, Apr 30, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2011
  2. Doolally

    Doolally PetForums Senior

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    :cuddle: sounds like you might need one.

    I just recently broke up with my long-term boyfriend, it was hard but I feel I made the right decision, and watching today I'd love to get married but just couldn't see myself having married him. You obviously went into the marriage for all the right reasons, but like you say everyone gets swept up in the excitement of it all and then you're left with the reality after...sounds like you've been through a lot, I hope you can make it work out and you'll be together for years to come.
     
  3. Beagle Mafia

    Beagle Mafia Guest

    Money isn't everything :)
     
    #3 Beagle Mafia, Apr 30, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2011
  4. Beagle Mafia

    Beagle Mafia Guest

    I totally agree :)
     
    #4 Beagle Mafia, Apr 30, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2011
  5. Gratch

    Gratch PetForums VIP

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    I know the feeling of being trapped sometimes! Usually when OH is being a ****** and not thinking that I'm more than a bed warmer. We go in cycles of a rough patch, me having a go, us talking things through, several great months, several typical months and then OH being a ****** again (hope he doesn't read this :D). At the end of the day though, I really cannot see myself without him. Love him to bits even though I could happily throttle him sometimes. If you can't see yourself together in 5 years, if you really are truly unhappy, you know what you need to do. Take some time to figure out what you want to do and then shock him into the realization you're not happy. Hoping for the best for you whatever you do xxx
     
    MoggyBaby likes this.
  6. Beagle Mafia

    Beagle Mafia Guest

    LOL divorce is a scary word... I don't think I'd give up just like that. I think we'd end up going to a marriage counsellor before just admitting defeat.
     
    #6 Beagle Mafia, Apr 30, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2011
  7. Gratch

    Gratch PetForums VIP

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    Have you spoken to him about it yet?
     
  8. sarybeagle

    sarybeagle PetForums VIP

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    Oh sweetie :( ((((hugs)))))

    I'm certainly not in a position to give marital advice but u know how much **** I Went through just 8 weeks after marrying. The first year of our marriage I spent 9 months as a sinle mum again.

    I felt exactly like u, I still do sometimes. I'll pm u rather tha post on here.

    Xxxxxxxxxx
     
  9. Beagle Mafia

    Beagle Mafia Guest

    I'm not *that* bad to live with... :D
     
    #9 Beagle Mafia, Apr 30, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2011
  10. sarybeagle

    sarybeagle PetForums VIP

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    Money struggles and despression can have a huge impact on sex drive. It may not be that doesn't want you he just doesn't want it iyswim.

    Fancy a holiday to surrey ;)

    Hang on reading that back sounds like I'm propersistioning you!!!!! Lmao!!! I know u said you were frustrated but didn't mean it like that ;-) xxxxx
     
  11. Beagle Mafia

    Beagle Mafia Guest

    It's ironic that we met through planning our weddings together - I avoided watching the wedding today - even my dad watched it :eek: a few years ago I would have been glued to the screen while folding favour boxes and yapping to someone on WC I was a total Bridezilla :D

    The only thing that has changed really is effort and the fact that hubby is drinking. He's not an alcoholic but drinks to de-stress which then stresses me out lol

    I'm putting 100% effort in and getting nothing back... I just want him to say "you look nice" or "I love you" or "want an early night" :D
     
  12. Beagle Mafia

    Beagle Mafia Guest

    Yes thankyou ;)

    so helpful ;) :D
     
  13. Beagle Mafia

    Beagle Mafia Guest

    That's it then I'm doomed...cobwebs and all :eek:
     
  14. harley bear

    harley bear PetForums VIP

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    Marriage is not a stroll in the park its work, bloody hard work at times!

    Me and oh used to work 8am-8pm monday to sat and an 8 hour shift on a sunday before we got married, we went to the dom rep to get married.....we had already had family problems before we left and it was a struggle to raise funds for the wedding.
    We came back after the most amazing wedding a couple of weeks later i lost my mom. We went through hell struggled to pay for a funeral, had problems at work because we both worked together and they didnt want us both to have time off etc etc
    Basically we never really recovered from the expence of the funeral because thats whats how we started having a loan, them more **** happens, then more and you just get deeper and deeper and and you feel like you cant breath.
    Every year me and oh have been together we have had a tough time weather it be loosing my mom, trouble at work, money worries, unemployment, loosing a business etc etc etc. Everything we have been through we have worked together and became a stronger couple because of it!

    You have to make a choice you either work with eachother or work against eachother.... to be fair if your going to work against eachother and fight and argue over petty things then you should either grow up and get over it and work together or call it a day and move on.
     
  15. Amethyst

    Amethyst PetForums VIP

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    But it can buy some nice things :D

    Personally I think money worries can cause a lot of tension in a relationship. I think we are happier/more relaxed now we don't have to worry too much about financial issues.

    Money isn't going to guarantee a happy marriage, but it can help give you both a better quality of life :)

    In my opinion ;)
     
  16. myshkin

    myshkin PetForums VIP

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    I've been there girl, wasted four years of my life trying to make it work. Only you can decide something like that, but I can tell you it was worth the pain, and that now I have more love, security, support and fun (all the things people associate with marriage, apart from the fun maybe!) with my man who I have no intention of ever marrying, than I ever did as a wife.
    There's a difference between trying to make it work and accepting being miserable - only you will know. As the song says, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think x
     
  17. Rolosmum

    Rolosmum PetForums VIP

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    I am going to come back to this thread later, but to read more of other peoples as have to go out in a mo!

    I have been with my hubby 29 years next week, and married 25 years next month, we struggle virtually everyday, it used t be with each other, but it is more so now over our kids, they are the cause of endless tension, no idea how we are still together.

    I do wonder if we will survive after the kids have gone into old age, but we live and work together, so it is bordering on a miracle we are together, but i guess it is the easy option and we are so intricately entangled, that even a separate house would solve any problems!!!
     
  18. shells

    shells PetForums VIP

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    my wedding day was a disater lol it poured down and i mean terential. my cheaf bridesmaid fell before getting there due to this. my cars whent to the wrong address my hairdresser was late so i in turn was late oh thoughed i wasnt turning up lmao. didnt get one pic outside:( the venue did nowt but stress me out the week of my wedding they informed me they no longer do food even though id paid for food they no longer supply the dj even though id paid so at 7 1/2 months pregnant i ended up there going nutts needless to say they did giv me what i paid for sorta. the vows went well i laughed in the middle of them and we couldnt get the rings of the pillow as they were tied so tight. back to the venue for food the food they did was over cooked and no where near enough they hadnt covered the tables or supplied the backround music as promised:mad:. then the evaning well we thoughed things cant get worse yeah right the toilets had flooded there was a leak in the middle of the hall and broken glass everywhere from the previouse nights party:mad: the dj was crap and the bus i had on turned up early and missed most of my guests:mad:
    had to laugh after the first reception the food was that bad we hit mcdonalds on the way home there faces were so funny having a bride n groom go through the drive through:D
    was it worth it :confused: put it this way i will never ever get wed again
     
  19. poohdog

    poohdog PetForums VIP

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    I know what you mean but not unfortunately true in all cases..I've been wed three times.The first time at an early age I had a lot of money...when that ran out,so did she.

    The second time living in a bedsit, the no money bit made little difference..buying at car boots etc. was all part of the relationship,we just mucked in together.Her infidelity finished that one..no trust...no marriage.

    But my third attempt was different...we had the responsibility of a home with mortgage and a kiddie..My business hit the rocks.Lack of money then lead to heavy debts,threatening letters,phone calls and bailiffs.I started drinking heavily (To this day I still won't have alcohol in the house)

    Everything went pear shaped,and the marriage collapsed...so money is important.There can't be a happy marriage when living under constant stress
     
  20. shells

    shells PetForums VIP

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    Everything went pear shaped,and the marriage collapsed...so money is important.There can't be a happy marriage when living under constant stress

    i know where your coming from there were at that point now and are holding on to our marridge by a thread:(
     
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