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Love interest smokes weed-your opinion?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by sleepyhollow, Apr 21, 2011.


  1. sleepyhollow

    sleepyhollow Banned

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    I have been out on a few dates with a new man, he is gorgeous (Vernon Kay lookalike-but nicer), very kind, lovely to chat with, good job and really good company.

    BUT....and it a huge but for me....I have found out he smokes weeds nearly every day. I am gutted that he is a pot head :(

    I am REALLY anti-drugs, I know weed/hash isn't hard drugs, but to me still drugs and illegal. I also dislike anyone who drinks alot, I prefer clean living folk :D Dependency on alcohol/drugs shows character weakness and potencial for issues later.

    I feel I can no longer date him, and told him this. I think its a dirty, common, harmful and filthy habit.

    Am I being harsh?
     
  2. bigdaddy

    bigdaddy PetForums VIP

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    you do what you feel is right if your not happy dont stay with him
     
  3. CheekoAndCo

    CheekoAndCo PetForums VIP

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    I couldn't be with someone who smokes never mind someone who takes anything stronger.
     
  4. CharleyRogan

    CharleyRogan PetForums VIP

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    No you aren't being harsh. If you don't feel right then he isn't the man for you :(
     
  5. PembrokeMadhouse

    PembrokeMadhouse PetForums VIP

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    I have the same circumstance ... My current b/f smokes weed on a daily basis but isn't dependent on it, if he doesn't get it, he is okay, and go for months without it. He has smoked it for years, since he was 15 so I can't tell him exactly to stop.

    I too find it hard as I don't agree either, but having said that ... he is discreet and does it away from me and certainly not in my house ... and if I am really honest, I wouldn't know when he has had a "smoke" or not ... I don't see the difference ...

    Maybe if we lived together it may be a problem, but for now, I really do not notice it, but it is something he's done for a long time ... he also smokes but again respects me and doesn't smoke that much around me.

    Try not to be so harsh, and perhaps ask him not to smoke it around you ... then see how you get on with that ... if you can't see him doing it and it doesn't change his behaviour then perhaps it might work.

    Believe me, I do struggle with it ... but he is such a nice man, generous and thoughtful, that I am trying to blank it out I suppose - it would seem silly to lose him over a habit he's had for years, and doesn't really affect him overall ...

    Hope you sort it out. Clare x
     
    manic rose likes this.
  6. manic rose

    manic rose PetForums VIP

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    if you are really against it then would say walk away. shame as sounds good on other fronts
     
  7. sleepyhollow

    sleepyhollow Banned

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    I agree, I also prefer to date non smokers, but have made the odd exception...

    The weed/hash thing I don't think I can make an exception!
     
  8. sleepyhollow

    sleepyhollow Banned

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    Yes, he is lovely in every other way! :( I was gutted to find this out, but yeah, think I will be walking away...
     
  9. sleepyhollow

    sleepyhollow Banned

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    I REALLY appreciate you posting this, so thank so much.

    Thats the thing, he doesn't smoke around me. But I know now, and feel I can't get past it. Like you said though, why pass up a guy who is perfect in every other way?

    I have alot of thinking to do, me thinks lol! x
     
  10. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

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    You have to do what feels right for your own peace of mind and what you feel comfortable with.

    I would try asking him not to smoke when he's with you as this will give you a chance to see the 'real' him. Also, his response to this request will let you know how he feels about you - if he is agreeable, you know he likes you a lot and wants to make you happy; if he is ar*ey about it..... :(

    Also, have a wee thought about how this would work out long-term. If your relationship moved on and you live together / marry, how or what do you think you would feel if he could not stop altogether and smoked pot under your roof?

    Hope this helps. :blink:
     
  11. sleepyhollow

    sleepyhollow Banned

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    Yes, this was how I was looking at it, if it was to go long term.

    He doesn't smoke it around me, thats how I have only now found out (he told me). But just knowing he smokes it, is enough to repulse me lol...God, I am harsh!
     
  12. PembrokeMadhouse

    PembrokeMadhouse PetForums VIP

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    We were joking the other night about moving in together ... and I said he would have to have a "potting" shed ... cos he wasn't smoking in the house ... he went quiet for a bit and then say ... that sounds good, we then took it a bit further and said he had to have a bed in there in case I got cross and could send him to his shed!.

    You do have a lot of thinking about it ... I am a non smoker, but for some reason I don't seem to notice him smoking and he doesn't smell of smokes, he doesn't have yellow fingers etc, etc, It is a difficult one to think about, but you got to think about your self ... I know he does "smoke", but he doesn't do it around me and I've accepted that.

    I have always been dead against drugs myself, but I decided that the rest of him outweighed that problem ... whether I think that if we ever came to live together I don't know ...
     
  13. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

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    You're not harsh at all. You have morals and that is not a bad thing.

    If more people had morals, the world would be a far better place.
     
  14. sleepyhollow

    sleepyhollow Banned

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    "Potting shed"!!! That made me laugh out loud!

    I am also a non smoker, I need to think this over. But I can't see me being able to get past this. I admire you for being much more open and accepting than I.
     
  15. manic rose

    manic rose PetForums VIP

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    least he is honest with you about it. one of the reasons I split with my ex was because he said he had stopped smoking and was secretly still doing it and had been for ages, despite me challenging him about it several times. was almost a relief to catch him red handed :rolleyes:
     
  16. sleepyhollow

    sleepyhollow Banned

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    Good for you, for catching him red handed! :D

    How I found out was, on Facebook he had "liked" a weed event page and so I asked him about it. And thats when he told me.
     
  17. PembrokeMadhouse

    PembrokeMadhouse PetForums VIP

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    I agree with Manic Rose there ... at least he was being honest ... perhaps he told you the truth because he felt that the relationship was working and didn't want to keep it a secret - he could have lied to you about it.

    I would much rather know something serious up front .... then I can choose to ignore or pay attention and deal with it, than to find out further down the line that they were doing something I strongly disapproved of ...

    Perhaps you could say to this chap that you want to remain friends as you really like him and feel he is a lovely bloke, but a relationship would take a long time as this is such a big issue for you ... you might come to tolerate it in time, but also get to know him and his "habit" better.

    Hey ... with all the heartbreak we've had in our lives - it might be worth a go?

    Clare
     
  18. manic rose

    manic rose PetForums VIP

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    thank god for facebook! can find out so much from it ;)
     
  19. HelloKittyHannah

    HelloKittyHannah PetForums VIP

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    I had the EXACT same issue with my ex. I never asked him to stop smoking he just said he would because I was against it, yet he always turned up stinking of smoke. I asked him if he was still smoking, he denied it, lied right to my face sooo many times. Of course when I found out for certain he'd lied that was it, he was gone. I wouldn't have cared if he'd told the truth and said "Look I smoke, is that ok?"
    The guy I'm with now smokes, never in the house though, and I'm fine with it for the most part. The only thing I don't like is worrying about his future health :(

    Now on to the actual topic, I wouldn't accept my OH using drugs of any kind. It bugs me that he's used them in the past, however I know realistically most people have at some point so I don't hold it against him.
    If it was something he did now I couldn't handle it, drugs are a huge :nono: in my eyes.

    Good luck whatever you decide!
     
  20. manic rose

    manic rose PetForums VIP

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    yea would have been far better if he could have admitted it from the start rather than arguing with me and coming up with every excuse under the sun as to why he smelt of smoke or needed to pop out for 5 mins. :rolleyes: was also the cost issue for me - always said was skint but could secretly afford fags :mad:
     
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