Lost the apple of my eye

Discussion in 'Rainbow Bridge' started by maddug2020, Mar 24, 2017.


  1. maddug2020

    maddug2020 PetForums Newbie

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    So mid to late November my fiancee decided she wanted a puppy, I wasn't chuffed with this decision as we already have four dogs but hey ho, what she wants she gets. So one of her friends parents are breeders of French bulldogs and English bulldogs and she arranged to buy one of the English bulldog bitches, at this point in time I was still apprehensive, as I didn't fancy poo and pee duty until she was big and smart enough to go outside.
    However as soon as she brought little sandwiches (what we named her) home, my heart melted and I fell in love. She lit up my life like nothing else ever has, and then two days ago she died, she got in an argument over food with another one of our dogs (nothing physical bar a snarl and snap) and cowered away into a corner so my friend held and told off basically my bigger dog whilst I let sandwiches go upstairs thinking she would pootle up the stairs to the bedroom and I'd plop her on the bed, fuss her and then it would all be fine. However she made it to the top step and stopped and was gasping for air, I immediately called my fiancee as she was out of town on business and got my friend to call the vets, I had absolutely no idea what to do but within about 20 seconds her tongue was going blue so I tried to clear her throat thinking it was stuck food, Then I had her between my legs and I was squeezing her chest and ribs to try to get her to breathe, eventually I remembered that cpr was a thing and probably possible with dogs but it was too late.
    The crushing feeling of guilt is absolutely unbelievable, I can't help but think "if I had just left for work earlier she would be in her cage with her toy and her bed for a few hours and it would be ok", or "if I had just done cpr earlier she would have lived". Ultimately I feel like I let her down, she was perfect and already I miss her more than I've ever missed anything. I'm a tall, big lad, I box, I lift weights, but I'm breaking down like 50 times a day in floods of tears.
    I just hope I did enough to try to save her and comfort her at the same time, when I realised what I was doing wasn't working I just hugged her.
    I'm pretty sure it was shock/a heart attack, I feel so bad for not being able to help her. She was my princess. It's going to sound weird, and I'm not deeply religious (if anything I follow Germanic paganism) but I REALLY hope I see her again.
    Anyway, here is/are some photos of the fat, naughty little pile of wrinkles I had the pleasure of knowing. IMG-20170305-WA0004.jpeg
     

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  2. maddug2020

    maddug2020 PetForums Newbie

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    20161128_162721.jpg
    Her favourite place to chill was under the sofa, occasionally you'd realise your shoes were being eaten on your feet to look down and see her with a mouthful of Nike.
     
  3. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Moderator
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    So sorry for your loss, she does look a sweetheart.
     
  4. Elaine2016

    Elaine2016 PetForums Senior

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    sounds very traumatic :(

    I am very sorry you lost your dog
     
  5. kimthecat

    kimthecat PetForums VIP

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    I'm so sorry to hear this . :( You did everything you could.
     
  6. SpencerK

    SpencerK PetForums Junior

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    Sorry for your loss mate, and RIP little girl. I would like to give you some words of comfort, but truth be told there aren't any at this time. For example, 6 weeks after my boy Barns, my darling son, passed and I still tear up. Even in the gym yesterday, with the headphones on doing squats - its awful. My boy went through a horrendous couple of weeks, he was telling me before that something was wrong, but I thought it was his tooth, how wrong could I be. The guilt is overriding, but the pain (you know, the pain that stems from the stomach up through the body) does get lighter, the greif stays; but this just shows how much you loved the little girl and how much she was loved. So respect to you for being such a good daddy, and hope you are your family pull together. RIP Sandwich and Barns.
     
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  7. Vulpes Vulpes

    Vulpes Vulpes PetForums Newbie

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    I found it helpful to hear you describe the pain SpencerK. And the healing process. Thank you. It does all stem from the stomach. God bless everyone.
     
  8. Honeys mum

    Honeys mum PetForums VIP

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    So sorry for your loss,don't blame yourself. You did everything you could.
    Have fun at the bridge gorgeous girl, knowing you were truly loved.x
     
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  9. chatterbox @hollywood

    chatterbox @hollywood PetForums Newbie

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    So sorry for your loss
     
  10. maddug2020

    maddug2020 PetForums Newbie

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    Sorry for the late reply fella.
    You're spot on with the pain, broke down at sparring a few weeks back between rounds, luckily my sparring partner knew about her so just hugged me hahaha.
    It has gotten better slowly, I hope you're doing well. Dogs truly are gifts from someone or something, only flaw is they don't live as long as us or forever.
     
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  11. maddug2020

    maddug2020 PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you for your kind words, I like to think and hope I did. I just tried to make sure she was comfortable in the end.
    I'm sure she's having a blast, chewing on endless expensive shoes no doubt.
     
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