Welcome to PetForums

Join thousands of other pet owners and pet lovers on the UK's most popular and friendly pet community and discussion forum.

Sign Up

Life after Oscar

Discussion in 'Cat Chat' started by Jayne31, Feb 3, 2012.


  1. Jayne31

    Jayne31 PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2011
    Messages:
    1,151
    Likes Received:
    435
    So I'm coming to the end of what has been one of the most heartbreaking and emotionally draining weeks in my life.

    I was in no way prepared for the events of Monday or losing Oscar. I've not felt this sort of grief since I lost my Mum 11 years ago, and to be honest I think some of the grief surrounding her death has reared its head through my grief over losing Oscar. I don't think you realise just how interlinked lives, events, and memories become.

    I cried all the way to the station on Tuesday morning, ever hopeful that my fellow passengers would think I was just suffering from a cold :rolleyes: but one kindly man, that I see every morning, came up to me and said that I had very sad eyes and he was sure that whatever the cause of my pain would pass and there would be sunshine and happiness around the corner.

    I have been very touched by everyones kindness and sympathy. A lot of my colleagues have animals and fully understand how the loss of any pet can effect you and your family greatly. Although I have no doubt there are some that have looked at me and thought "it was just a cat"....would they have the same reaction if I had lost a human....i think not.

    The house is so very quiet and empty - as is my heart. At the moment I can only sleep with the telly on and a hot water bottle in bed. Never a truer word said in the sound of silence is deafening. Its been the first time in 18 years that I have been in a house totally alone.

    My immeadiate reaction was to go and get another cat or 2 but I know its too soon and I would just be trying to plug a hole and it would not be fair on me or any cat, plus I would worry about resenting any cat for not being Oscar. So I will be cat free for a while, until the time is right.

    Each day is getting easier, no tears today. I'm sure I have seen him twice, out of the corner of my eye which has bought comfort. I'd like to think that he has found my Mum.

    I will miss him each and every day, but I know that in time the pain and emptiness will lessen and happiness and memories will take their place.

    Sleep gently my special little man
     
  2. rose

    rose PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2009
    Messages:
    2,483
    Likes Received:
    26
    We all know how you feel, hollow, empty, sick :( It does get better, it has to otherwise we would never be able to love another pet. Soon you will remember him without too much pain and you will love again!! I hope you get another little friend in the not too distant future, a fitting tribute to Oscar!
    Take care x
     
  3. marleyboo

    marleyboo PetForums Senior

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2011
    Messages:
    656
    Likes Received:
    10
    im so sorry! i know how you feel we lost our old persian boy last year still breaks my heart talking about him... everytime i saw his fluff on the chair or by accident came across his picture on my phones id be crying again


    sending lots of hugs and love your way ((hugs)) i hope oscar is at peace and playing with my henry xx
     
  4. welshjet

    welshjet PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2011
    Messages:
    7,118
    Likes Received:
    162
    Oh Jayne xxx (((hugs)))

    Have only just come back from a time away, so so sorry to see your post.

    Take heart in the knowledge that Oscar loved you and you worshipped him xxx

    Take care hun

    Run free Oscar and be a guardian angel at the bridge

    (((hugs))) Clare xxx
     
  5. Jayne31

    Jayne31 PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2011
    Messages:
    1,151
    Likes Received:
    435
    Thank you. The OH and I have decided that we will get 2 little furballs this time, so they are company for each other. We have been looking on the rescue sites as we always said that we would give a good home to cats who were in need.

    Hope Marley makes a good recovery xxx

    Thanks Clare. It has been all a bit of a shock tbh. It was time, he just wasn't himself and he seemed to go down so quickly.
     
  6. Jiskefet

    Jiskefet Slave to the Hairy Hikers

    Joined:
    May 15, 2011
    Messages:
    12,366
    Likes Received:
    3,402
    I know just how you feel.....

    The agony of losing a cat is immense, a cat is part of your soul. It is only natural to grieve for him, and of course, he can never be replaced. No cat can ever be replaced.... But that doesn't mean there is no room in your heart for another cat, that it is too soon to be thinking of a new cat. You never know when the time is right for a new cat, sometimes it takes minutes, sometimes months, but the right cat will come to you......

    It is not as much a matter of time, as of Oscar finding you the cat worthy of your love, or a cat in need of the kind of love he deems you able to provide......

    Oscar will give you a sign from the rainbow bridge, and you will know.....
    When my Spetter died in October 2010, homeless Wobbel was 'assigned to us' in February. But when Jiskefet died, in April 2006, he sent me a new cat the very next day.
    We buried Jiskefet in the evening, and even though, just moments before, I had professed I never ever wanted another cat, the moment the first earth fell on the box we buried him in, the knowledge hit me: We have to be at Louterbloemen rescue at 11am tomorrow morning. I had never been to that rescue, and had no idea if they would be open on that day or at that time. But, indeed, they opened at 11, and when we arrived, 10 minutes late, there was a tuxedo cat waiting for us in the window sill. I felt no connection with tuxedo cats at all, but he followed us around all the time, and even got into the carrier basket of his own accord. So we gave in and he came home with us.

    It turned out Ricky had only been put in the main run that very morning, he was a very lonely, neglected cat, who ahd been left alone far too much.
    To this very day, I am convinced Jiskefet hat decided Ricky needed our love as much as we needed his and told him to be ready for us and make us choose him, the same way he told us to be there to see him at opening time on the very first day he was put up for adoption.

    He is still with us, and I have an intense connection with him. I am 100% sure Jiskefet chose him for me.
     
  7. Ally-Kats

    Ally-Kats PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,476
    Likes Received:
    17
    What a heartwarming story and yes I truly believe Jiskefet chose him for you :) When I lost my two previous cats within 18 months of each other, one to cancer the other an emergency operation which revealed that he had cancer on the liver and so we had him pts, I vowed I wouldn't have another and couldn't put myself through such pain again, well my neighbours cat had just had a litter and even though it was only a few days after the loss of my beloved Paws, my husband persauded me to just "have a look", well I did and this small kitten pulled himself over to me, his eyes were still closed he was so young and unbeknown to kitty he was the one I had subconsciously chosen, I couldn't think of a name for him and one day I was at work when the name Scamp just popped into my head and that's what he was called and we are still together 16 years later. I believe Paws chose him for me as he knew I needed him to heal my pain especially as my father was ill with cancer and I lost them all within 18 months. I feel a special bond with Scamp and even though he isn't a lap cat and hates being cuddled I don't care, he's my special friend and I believe they send another to us to help us through :)
     
  8. Oscars mam

    Oscars mam PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2011
    Messages:
    3,053
    Likes Received:
    98
    Aw Jayne I know what you're saying and can sympathise with your loss! When I thought I was going to loose Oscar I too felt the grief of how I felt when I lost my mum years ago! Sending you huge ((((hugs)))) xxxx
     
  9. jill3

    jill3 PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2009
    Messages:
    6,749
    Likes Received:
    1,427
    I know what you are going through and it is very painfull.
    We lost our two within days of each other 13 days ago.
    I felt that my heart had been ripped out and i have never seen my Hubby cry so much.
    Making plans for the future is a good thing and in one of your replies i think you said that you would be thinking of getting two cats next time.
    That is a good sign that you are looking to the future.

    We have just bought a little kitty home for us to love and cherish. We felt it would help us to keep busy and be happy again.
    Also Chloe our young cat has taken to him and is looking a lot happier now.

    Oscar will always be with you. They do leave paw prints on your heart!
     
  10. Ayesha

    Ayesha PetForums Newbie

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2012
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi all! I also recently lost my precious truffles( my 3 year old Persian). It seems all so senseless and I feell very guilty as I believe we didn't know what was wrong with her and so miss diagnosed her. I have now learnt that brufen , ibuprofen suspension, is toxic for cats. my vet has given it to all my cats before, claiming it is the only safe pain reliever. Dealing with the loss of my baby, who was born in my arms, and I had never spent 1 day away from her , until 1 February , is too difficult, but having to cope with the guilt of mishandling her is worse.
    I was also wondering if I should consider getting another baby? My other cats miss her too. Is it better to get one quickly , to fill the void, or give it some time? I am not doing too well and need something or someone to help me cope. Please help .
     
  11. zippie161

    zippie161 PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2012
    Messages:
    1,313
    Likes Received:
    13
    Jayne i just wanted to say im so sorry for your loss, im exactly the same, it doesnt matter - humans or cats id cry and cry if either of them close to me had passed away. Your post did acutally make me sniffle! :*(
    My old family cats bobby, tinker & splash who were all with me through my childhood passed away all at the ages of 20 a year apart from each other and when bobby (the eldest) one passed i cried and cried for weeks!
    So sending massive hugs to you and OH, & there is no harm in wanting to get some more fluffballs, it was two weeks after bobby passed when we got 2 little rescue kitties and they never 'took his place' - just helped to bring more kitty life into our home :)
    It wont be long before your upsetness turns into thinking back to good memories, & you can look forward to a whole new cat adventure if you do get a couple of littlens ;)
    xx
     
  12. jill3

    jill3 PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2009
    Messages:
    6,749
    Likes Received:
    1,427
    Ayeshe I am so sorry for your loss of trufffles. It is a very sad time for you and if you feel that a new little one will help you then go for it. It will keep you busy and you will have someone to look after.
    The guilt that you have is only natural. You did what you thought was best for her.
    I think the fault lies at the vet!:(
    Maybe changing your vet might be an good idea. I have never heard of a vet giving human pain killers to cats.
    I too had to have two cats put to sleep last week and one of mine was only 3 years old. We have been devastated and our little remaining girl cat was left on her own so we decided to get a little kitty for her.
    It has helped us all. He is a lovely little kitten and we got one that was a different colour from Yazmin and Harley.
    Hope this helps you xx
     
  13. Jiskefet

    Jiskefet Slave to the Hairy Hikers

    Joined:
    May 15, 2011
    Messages:
    12,366
    Likes Received:
    3,402
    Do find a new cat to help you get over your sorrow, and to help your other cats, too. Maybe a little kitten??
    A new cat will never replace Truffles, but he or she can help you through the worst of your grief and give you a chance to remember Truffles with a loving smile over all the beautiful memories.

    Have a look around for a loving kitty, or a kitty in need of your love, and I am sure Truffles will lead you to the purrfect cat to help you come to terms with your grief. Our darlings always know just who we need, and who needs us......
     
  14. Space Chick

    Space Chick PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2011
    Messages:
    4,034
    Likes Received:
    71
    Sending you hugs whilst you grieve for Oscar.

    I think what others have said about Oscar sending you a new cat when they time is right is true.

    Last year we lost Henry our dog and Thomas our cat, both had been unusual rescues (Henry I found in a skip, Thomas was a neglected cat of a neighbour), I don't doubt that they sent us to Sabrina and Harry, who had also had a horrendous start to life and needed our special brand of love.

    Time will tell when you are ready, and when Oscar will do what he can from the bridge x
     
  15. Jayne31

    Jayne31 PetForums VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2011
    Messages:
    1,151
    Likes Received:
    435
    I have seen 2 kittens who seem to have a real cheekiness about them, but I feel that it is too soon at the moment. Somehow I don't think it will be too long before there are a couple of new furballs causing havoc about the house.

    I fully believe about animals finding you. All of the dogs that my Nan had found her, she never went and looked for a dog.
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice