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Lets all Have a Good Laugh!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Baby Bordie, Aug 14, 2009.


  1. Baby Bordie

    Baby Bordie PetForums VIP

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    Hi all, Lately, I feel the forum hasnt been its normal, funny self, So i think we should all just come on this thread to have a laugh! So you wants to get us started? And i also want to get to 2000 posts! :D
     
  2. Dylan & Daisy

    Dylan & Daisy PetForums VIP

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    The bride tells her husband

    The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
    anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

    "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
    prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
    prisoner in the prison.

    And then they made love for the first time.

    Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

    Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

    Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

    After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
    the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
    a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

    The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
    born foal.

    Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

    She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

    Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
    OKAY! :D :D :D
     
  3. Dylan & Daisy

    Dylan & Daisy PetForums VIP

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    The Hunting Dog

    Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

    So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."

    Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"

    Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

    So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.

    Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"

    The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.

    The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more f****** ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"


    Teehee!!!
     
  4. Baby Bordie

    Baby Bordie PetForums VIP

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    Lol, good one to start us off...

    Ten Husbands, Still a Virgin...

    A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

    On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

    "What?" said the puzzled groom.

    "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

    "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

    Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

    Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

    Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

    Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

    Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

    Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

    Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

    Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

    Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

    "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

    "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
     
  5. Dylan & Daisy

    Dylan & Daisy PetForums VIP

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    Brilliant !!!!! PML
     
  6. Spaniel mad

    Spaniel mad PetForums VIP

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    Ummmm

    well for once i havnt got anything to say lol
     
  7. EmzieAngel

    EmzieAngel PetForums VIP

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    Loving them guys.
    Keep them coming.
    x
     
  8. Baby Bordie

    Baby Bordie PetForums VIP

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    0 to 200 in 6 seconds
    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.
     
  9. borderer

    borderer Guest

    very unusual:smilewinkgrin::rolleyes::D:D;)
     
  10. Baby Bordie

    Baby Bordie PetForums VIP

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    The Tiger


    A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

    The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

    The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

    "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

    "Tiger Woods."

    "Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

    "Yeah."

    "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

    The husband and wife then make passionate love.

    When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

    "What are you doing?" asks the wife.

    The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

    "Tiger wouldn't do that."

    "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

    "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

    The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

    When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

    The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

    "Tiger wouldn't do that."

    "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

    "He'd come back to bed and do it again."

    The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

    When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

    The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

    "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

    Lol, i like this one! :D
     
  11. EmzieAngel

    EmzieAngel PetForums VIP

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    Lol, I like that one too.
    x
     
  12. Baby Bordie

    Baby Bordie PetForums VIP

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    Anyone got any others, or something funny to say, so we can carry it on?
     
  13. borderer

    borderer Guest

    little boy stood on corner crying i aske whats wrong son he said a man asked me to mind that dog sh.t and he hasnt came back
     
  14. Baby Bordie

    Baby Bordie PetForums VIP

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    Is that man you bordie? :001_tt2:
     
  15. EmzieAngel

    EmzieAngel PetForums VIP

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    Haha love it.
    x
     
  16. MerlinsMum

    MerlinsMum PetForums VIP

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    How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

    1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got
    our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
    burned out bulb?

    2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's
    not up to code.

    3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

    4. Rottweiler: Make me.

    5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the
    dark.

    6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!
    Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please,
    please!

    7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people
    from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just
    one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage
    of the situation.

    8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off
    the walls and furniture.

    9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a
    light bulb!

    10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in
    the dark.

    11. Chihuahua: "We don't need no stinking light bulb."

    12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

    13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a
    little circle...

    14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it.
    By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.


    How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?

    Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the
    real question is:

    "How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and
    a massage?"


    ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!
     
    Ladywiccana likes this.
  17. JoWDC

    JoWDC PetForums VIP

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    LOL Ain't that the damned truth.
     
  18. Dylan & Daisy

    Dylan & Daisy PetForums VIP

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    Wittle Wabbit

    A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

    And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

    The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

    :D
     
  19. Baby Bordie

    Baby Bordie PetForums VIP

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    Lol, ive heard this before, but always makes me chuckle! :D
     
  20. Ladywiccana

    Ladywiccana PetForums VIP

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    [​IMG]

    :smilewinkgrin: :smilewinkgrin: :smilewinkgrin: :smilewinkgrin: :smilewinkgrin: :smilewinkgrin: :smilewinkgrin: :smilewinkgrin: :smilewinkgrin: :smilewinkgrin:
     
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