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Kitten enquiry dilemma

Discussion in 'Cat Chat' started by lymorelynn, Aug 26, 2013.


  1. lymorelynn

    lymorelynn UN Peacekeeper in training
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    I'm not sure what to do about this one. My niece has just messaged me on FB to ask if she can put her name down for one of Pasha's kittens, a girl if possible. Now as much as I love her, I'm not entirely certain that she is the right person to let a kitten go to. She has three very young (under 5)children (though one of lives with her ex-husband and she only has her at the weekends), lives in a flat in not the best of areas, she tends to want something on a whim - she and her OH bought a labradoodle puppy last year but ended up rehoming it - and sadly, if she wasn't my niece I wouldn't consider it. How can I tell her that? I have already tried to put her off by telling her that I can't do a discount because she is family and what my kittens cost. I have told her I have a waiting list (true) and she has just replied that all of that is fine and if not this litter then the next.
    She already has a moggy and she has had house rabbits (not sure if she still has them) but I'm just not sure if I am happy for her to have one of my babies.
    My husband has said just ignore her but I can't do that either.
     
  2. JordanRose

    JordanRose Master of the Whingey Cat.

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    That really is a tough one, Lynn.

    It does sound as though she is being whimsical. I'd not let her have one of the next litter- say they're fully booked- and then see if she's still in the same frame of mind with the litter after that. I'd let her initiate it, though, if you get what I mean, rather than asking her if she's still wanting one.

    I feel for you, it must be hard when it's a family member!
     
  3. Rebelneck

    Rebelneck PetForums Member

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    I agree. If she's a bit on the whimsical side, then having to wait for the next litter might put her off and she may want something else by then.

    Just say that they are all spoken for, then cross the next bridge if you have to. HTH:wink:
     
  4. Jesthar

    Jesthar PetForums VIP

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    Go with your instincts, Lynn. You said you wouldn't even consider her if she wasn't related, and that she has a history of doing things on a whim - so she has no place even being on your waiting list, let alone for active consideration for a current litter.

    She's also already committed to 'if not this litter then the next', so that buys you some time even if you find it too difficult to say no outright yet. She'll probably have gone off the whole idea by then if you're lucky :) If not, then you can delay her for at least another couple if you tell her you will not be granting her any advantage due to being related, and if better homes are on offer, you will allocate to them first - and doing it.

    *hugs* It's never easy doing the right thing when upsetting family is involved, but by the sound of it, she'll get over it if she doesn't get one of your babies, whereas one of your bablies might not get over going to live with her!

    ~Jes
     
  5. smiler84

    smiler84 PetForums VIP

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    Another vote for stalling! If she's doing it on a whim then she won't want to wait that long. Or if you have any breeder friends could you put her onto them (obviously telling them why). It might be easier for her to accept a stranger saying that they don't think she's quite right fora kitten than it would to hear it off her auntie.

    I can't think of a way of saying no outright that isn't going to offend her!
     
  6. simplysardonic

    simplysardonic Moderator
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    Not a nice position to be in (hubby's sis was one to acquire animals on a whim, even after she was banned for life), but if it were me I would put the welfare of the kitten above what someone else wants, even if they're family. Of course try & do it as kindly as possible (don't some Siamese breeders have a minimum age for the children in potential homes, or did I dream that :eek:), I can't really advise on how to do that as I tend to open my moth & all manner of stuff comes out & before I know it my foot's lodged in there :eek:
     
  7. lymorelynn

    lymorelynn UN Peacekeeper in training
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    I can tell her that they are all booked but it makes it awkward if I do need to advertise - she can easily check on my website and Lambchop page on FB. I am hoping that I don't have to say anything and would definitely prefer to make her wait at least.
    I know she has always loved my Siamese but I'm not sure about her having one. If she didn't leave 150 miles away I'd be happier as I'd be able to check up on her :rolleyes:
     
  8. lilythepink

    lilythepink PetForums VIP

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    tell her you are soooo sorry but fully booked up on this litter and so popular are your kittens that possibly the next litter is at least partly booked.....and then hope that by the time comes round for a next litter she either got fed up waiting or went elsewhere.

    Its harder to sell anything like this to family cos you know all the nitty gritty with them that you prob wouldn't know with a slick con merchant that you didn't know.

    Once you sell, you sell. I have had this with horses with disastrous results. Now..I would say get lost or don't even speak to me but you can't always do this with family, can you?
     
  9. munchkinpie

    munchkinpie PetForums VIP

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    If you have doubts it's best not too. Just tell her you have a lot of folk on your waiting list and it would be fair to let her jump the queue but she is welcome to go on a waiting list. Then if she is serious, will wait.
     
  10. Shadow And Lightning

    Shadow And Lightning PetForums VIP

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    Family is always a hard one, but you have to follow your gut and do what's best for the kittens.
    There are some people in my family that sound the same, do thing on the whim, have rehomed animals in the past for silly reasons etc, and i wouldt give them a kitten either.
    It is a tough one, but maybe you could explain that you don't think a siamese is for her or something
    You never know, she may get bored of waiting anyway?
    But don't think just cause shes family you have to let her have one as it might not be the right choice
     
  11. Amin

    Amin PetForums VIP

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    Just tell her you don't think her home and situation would suit one of your special kittens. Sometimes you just have to be straight up with people, family or not. sorry to be blunt but the truth is sometimes best.
     
  12. Firedog

    Firedog PetForums VIP

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    Just tell her she can't have one as they are all coming home with me when I visit.:D:001_wub::001_wub:
     
  13. lymorelynn

    lymorelynn UN Peacekeeper in training
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    I do think you're probably right. I know if I spoke to my sister (niece's mum) she would tell me not to let her have one :rolleyes:
     
  14. lymorelynn

    lymorelynn UN Peacekeeper in training
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    I will be checking your bags when you leave :smilewinkgrin:
     
  15. buffie

    buffie Mentored by Meeko

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    I'm with Amin on this one, easy I know for me to say as it isn't my neice,but then I would rather be honest and risk offending her than put a kitten into a situation I wasn't sure about.
     
  16. Bette

    Bette PetForums Senior

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    Hi Lynn,
    It is very awkward when it's family but it does sound as though you will be worrying about it and regret it if you let one go to her just for the sake of not offending.I'm not sure putting it off to the next litter will solve it as then you could just have the same problem all over again! If it were me I would try to talk to her about it.I'd maybe say something along the lines of how hard work kittens are,that she's already got alot on her plate and that you wouldn't normally home a kitten to someone in her situation with three very young children etc so hope she understands but you don't think it's the best thing.Maybe you could say you could think again when her children are older? That will buy time and at least you'll be sure it's not a whim if she still wants one in a few years! Surely she will understand your concern for the kitten first and foremost?

    Of course,if she's determined she might go and get one elsewhere but unfortunately you can't prevent that happening! What a dilemma.:(
     
  17. catcoonz

    catcoonz PetForums VIP

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    Dont worry Lynn, if she is already edging by giving you the option of maybe the next litter then, i think she may well change her mind later.

    You could also use the excuse that you would wish for a particular kitten to go with its littermate, ive done this in the past, they soon get over wanting a kitten if they have to wait months or even a year for the right kitten. :)
     
  18. lostbear

    lostbear Bear right at Newcastle . . .

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    Hell's teeth - what did she do? Force the Queen to eat one of her own corgis at knifepoint?
     
  19. cats galore

    cats galore PetForums VIP

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    i can understand the difficulty in this for you, but like others have said, she will probably get fed up having to wait. if this litter is booked and maybe the next it will be a while before there is any chance of her getting one;);). you have to be strong i think in this situation - you are the voice for the cats and if you don't think it is right for them don't let her have one. you will spend your life regretting it if you do:(
    i really feel for you being put in this difficult situation
     
  20. Jesthar

    Jesthar PetForums VIP

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    Well, if she is persistant (which hopefully sounds unlikely, but you never know), then you may end up having to be gently but totally honest with her that given her past track record with animals, you don't think she'd be up to the considerable demands of being a Siamese slave. Better to be truthful and get it over with than have to keep ducking and diving for litters on end. :)
     
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