[charlie9009]

Hi. I haven't been on here much recently, but I needed to get something off my chest, so I decided to say about it on here as all the people I would normally talk to (which isn't really that many to be honest) have their own problems and I don't want to be bother to anyone, so sorry! I'm not sure if I want advice, or just to talk about it!

Me and OH have been together for 7 1/2 yrs, most of which has been very happy. We have one little boy, and another baby due in 2 months. We have had a few money problems recently, although nothing too serious, and I have to say that my hormones this time have been a nightmare! I can be happy one minute, and stressed, or crying over nothing the next. I've been very tired and not the best person to be around recently. Well, me and OH have been okish for a while, not really doing things together any more, and not talking a huge amount either, although when we do we have got on fine, and if we're both having a good day things are great.

On monday we started having "discussions" about things (ie, us) and it felt to me like OH wanted to say he's had enough and was leaving, but he didn't. I asked him if that's what he wanted and he said no, he would never leave me because he loved me. I love him more than anything in the world, and couldn't imagine being without him, however, I don't want him to stay with me if he's not happy. Since we had our discussion things have been better, but different too.

It is hard to explain, but it's almost like he's trying to get more of a life, without me involved (sounds silly!) I don't mind him going out and doing things, and would never stop him, but recently he seems to be arranging to do things with friends, then coming home and telling me he's going wherever, whenever. He used to mention things to me before, but now he just arranges it. He's also started going out drinking more often (Still not much, but more often than he did when I wasn't pregnant and could go with him). I trust him, but am starting to feel like someone that's at home to cook, wash and clean, and mess about with, if there's nothing better to do.

He says he is happy, and I believe him for the most part, but he just seems to be different. I think most of this is probably my hormones, and I'm reading too much into things. I am happy, untill he comes home and says "oh, I'm going out tonight" and he expects me to be fine with it. I have said to him about it, but he then gets a bit funny and thinks that I don't want him to go out and things, which really isn't the case.

Sorry for the long post but I had to say something or things will drive me round the bend! lol

 

[xxwelshcrazyxx]

Yes as you say it is your hormones playing up, MAYBE he is finding it a bit hard with the mood swings? Perhaps he is feeling that you may not feel the same as before, have you told him you love him and that you are sorry when you are feeling low that you seem different person personality wise, tell him that if there is anything you say that may offend him or make him feel unwanted or uncomfortable.....you dont mean it but it is your hormones playing up as you go through your pregancy. Explain you dont mind him going out, but you feel like he is making plans and THEN telling you, but you would like it if he spoke to you first.......NOT asking you but just to let you know that if he is planing to go out with who ever and when ever, JUST SO YOU KNOW that is all. I also think on his part though he should realise how your emotions will be up and down as you have already got a child and would of gone through it before. It is not like you are asking for the world but just to be prior warned that he would like to go out. I also think it would be nice for you and him to have "YOU BOTH" nights out to, to spend some time together before the baby comes and also after too. I hope it all works out for you both. :thumbup:

 

[thedogsmother]

As an outsider I think a lot of this is hormones but also I would feel pretty hacked off if my oh was leaving me in on my own when I was pregnant, have you tried explaining to him that when you are pregnant you feel fat, hormonal, and grumpy and instead of him leaving you alone more he should be bending over backwards to try to make it easier for you and make you feel loved. Hope you do feel better after getting it written down sometimes thats all you need isnt it. Hugs for you anyway and I cant wait to see piccies of your gorgeous baby when he/she is born.

 

[Starlite]

i think every relationship becomes like this eventually after all the sweet stuff has completely worn off and youve gotta work at it im afraid

i dont agree with him leaving you alone alot if your pregnant, but hormones are a killer at the best of times x

 

[Waterlily]

Sorry you feel crap
Its ok for couples to have time with mates without each other and to still go out imo. You may be feeling overly sensitive to everything and been vulnerable are making yourself worry over nothing. You said in your post that you felt like he wanted to say he had enough and was leaving... but that is your interpretation he prolly wasnt even thinking that at all. As for the drinking I dont know how to advise but maybe he is trying to escape the tension by having a drink.

 

[whitebloodcells]

I think it is probually been intensified because of your hormones but if he is doing things different than he used to then there must be another reason. You know your partner so you will know if something is wrong. My hubby has always told me before he arranges to go out (mainly because he wouldnt know if we already had plans coz hes veryy forgetful hehe) but if this was to change and he stopped doing it and just planned nights whenever he wanted then I would wonder why. I think you need to sit down and talk without any distractions and just tell him you love him but need to know if something is up. If you feel like it why dont you suggest a 'date day' and go somewhere nice for the day or out for a meal just the two of you. Hope your okie xx

 

[LadyLoraella]

Not to make you worry more or anything but this happened to me last year when me and my bf first moved in together (we into a proper flat)

Everything seemed fine but, I dunno call it intuition, I knew something was different although when asked he wouldn't say any different.
And like you we had a conversation about us and I asked should we break up? and he just said no and then cuddled me.
Then he started going out more and not really telling me, maybe a txt or I'm away out sort of thing which peed me off as we didn't have anything in the flat so I was basically left on my own. He would come home and I'd ask 'Look, if you don't want to be with me anymore just say' but he was like, I do want to be with you, you're being silly' and stuff like that but I still knew something was up.

It all came to blows when he went out to get food but never returned untill the next day, he txt me about 11pm (he left at like 3pm) saying he was a his mates and then wouldn't answer his phone so I called his friend and they were in a nightclub. He didn't say he was out, out.

We had a huge argument and then broke up.
It was over about a month that all of this was happened and we got back together about 3 months later when he regretted it and I was starting to get over it! lol

Men seem to chicken out when it comes to break ups and run away from their feelings to not hurt the women they are with or just out of being a coward but deep down, women can sense something.

He may be just having a mini midlife crisis type thing or he could be having 2nd thoughts about your relationship, either way you will find out soon.

 

[lifeizsweet]

i think some of it is hormones. but i know how you feel!! My OH is never around, since we moved i barely seem him! I get annoyed that he doesn't want to spend time with me, but feel like i'm nagging when i ask him to stay home with me.

 

[Valanita]

It's a shame you don't feel good while you are pregnant, I guess we are all different.
As to your OH, could you go out too? With a girl friend maybe & tell him he has to stay home whichever evening you arrange, to look after your other child? Say if he doesn't want to take you out, you are quite happy to go out with a friend, once a week at least? That would give you a break.

 

[bird]

More than likely your hormones blowing things out of proportion. But it also sounds like you're losing sight of each other with everything else thats going on. Could you not get a babysitter and find the time to be a couple again for a night once a week or fortnight.

 

[Sorcha]

I agree with bird, go out together. Maybe see a film together, eat somewhere nice. Maybe that can bring you a bit closer?

 

[charlie9009]

Hi. Thanks everyone. I think most of it is hormones, but it does help to talk about things a bit.

He isn't going out that much or anything, it's more the fact that he's doing it more than when I wasn't pregnant, and he arranges things without saying anything. He does wieghts through the week and on a wednesday he doesn't do them so we normally get a DVD and things, and put Reece to bed a bit earlier to have some time together. I was round at my mums because I had to drop some stuff off for her and he phoned my brother while I was there and asked him if he wanted to go to play golf as he was going to go with another mate aswell. He didn't know I was there, and hadn't mentioned anything to me. I was quite upset by it, and not in the best of moods for the rest of the night (he ended up not going cos his other mate then arranged to do something with his girlfriend). I have said something to him before, but he can't understand why I get upset about things.

We try to go out together when we can, but money is tight, and trying to find someone to look after Reece isn't easy. I will only leave him with people I trust, and most of them don't have that much free time, so I feel bad asking them to look after him.

I know he does find my mood swings hard to cope with - so do I!! I always say sorry to him as most of the time I know I've over reacted about something. My last pregnancy was nothing like this one, I was always happy, so it is a big shock this time, for us both.