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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
feeling really upset today. :crying:

Our dog is a 10 month labXspaniel and we have had him since he was 9 weeks old. My OH never liked dogs and infact was scared of them, but he knew how much it meant to me to have one so we got Serge. We had some really rought times the first couple of months with my OH trying to get used to the hard work a dog was, and me in tears many a night as he wanted us to get him re-homed. But we came through it and they became best friends, with my OH now loving all dogs! :thumbup:

However, i don't know what has happened over the past week but we seem to be back at square one. My OH seems to hate the dog again, the dog can do nothing right! We've had some problems trying to leave him out of his crate as he has proven to be really destructive and i know that has upset my OH. Whereas i take a much more rational view. Obviously i don't like the fact that he has destroyed about 5 pairs of my shoes, including ones that i haven't even had one yet. And the fact he ripped up one of my kitchen chairs was not exactly the best thing to be faced with during my lunch hour. However i rationalise that these things will happen initially and thankfully my shoes were not Laboutins and my chair was not an antique, but even if they were i was stupid enough to leave them out before i knew if he could be trusted! But my OH seems to take it all so personally!

At the moment a bit we have to walk through to where we walk Serge is water logged and he LOVES water.... so he can't help himself but to run in it and comes out covered in mud. It is very frustrating but my husband seems to think that he does it to defy him! He is pretty well trained, but he has problems if there are distractions... so the initial 'no' has him stay out of the water, but after a while it gets too much for him and he has to make a break for it. This is what my husband sees as him just being 'bad'. The answer to this is of course keeping him on the lead until we are passed, but again this has my husband upset as he is a puller! And we have tried everything for this but he still pulls, and again my husband gets very upset about this!

So i then get a massive drama when he gets home with him, and i mean a MASSIVE DRAMA. The dog gets shouted at, then i get ranted at about how bad the dog is, how he has had enough, how he can't have a dog stressing him out this much. I am not one for tantrums so i find it all a bit dramatic and this stirs him up more.

Now our dog IS hard work. I do really appreciate that. He is rather hyper active and is a dog that never lies down and relaxes he is constantly pacing about looking for something to play with. So i appreciate how frustrating he can be and i feel it too at times. Believe you me when he manages to find a 1cm bit of a plastic toy he destroyed and places it in your lap 150 times when you have walked him and played with him for the past 1-2hrs... or when you are doing the dishes and he insists on jumping up to get the bubbles no matter how many times you correct him... or when he comes in for a cuddle only to try and turn it into a wrestling game by mouthing your arm..... it gets frustrating! :rolleyes:

BUT i love him, and he LOVES us. He is not a 'bad' dog. He is a bit hyper, and he is still young. He is not aggressive, he has such a lovely nature.

I just feel so sorry for my pooch cos the man who was his best friend has just turned against him, and it breaks my heart to see him stood wagging his tail at him while he shuns him and tells him to get away. God i could cry now at that image, but i am at work so will pull myself together! As frustrating as it can be i don't ever consider giving him up, but that is what my OH wants us to do. The only reason he won't make us do it as he thinks i will never forgive him.

We have been through a bit of a stressful time lately, as i had a miscarriage at the end of april. This has impacted on the dynamics with the dog, as i sort of withdrew for a while and couldn't face the walks so my husband took over, if was walking him i was accompanying them on their walks and not taking him myself. Maybe it has all got too much for him, and he needs a break. I am going to start doing all the walking again on my own and hopefully that will make a difference.

I am thinking maybe the dog deserves better owners than us. Maybe he deserves people who can train him better than we can. It's not fair the dog being in a house where someone can't stand him. The thought of giving him up breaks my heart, but maybe we are just not good enough for him. It is so difficult to try and keep the dog away from my OH when he is like this, it is so stressful and it makes for a very uncomfortable home time.

Anyway, i just really need to get all that off my chest. I will take over the dog walking and hopefully it was just a break he needed!
 

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Aw, you must be going through a terrible time at the moment. I've been through the pain of miscarriage and that must be taking its toll on you without all the other problems.

I can't offer any advice, I'm afraid, just wanted to offer a bit of support.

Hopefully your OH will come round and life will get easier, I will be thinking of you x
 

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Hey,wanted to send you a big hug xxx sounds like you may need it.
It can be really stressful when you have a bonkers dog in the house.It doesnt help when OH gets stressy over everything(its not usually the dog but other issues that spark it off,work ,finances etc.but its easy to take it out on the dog).And im sure it mainly you trying to keep the peace,grrr!
There are lots of things that can maybe help a little.Can you give the dog a good walk just before OH comes home,so hes a bit calmer? Try giving him a raw marrow bone in the evening,thatll keep him entertained for ages!!
Have a look into his food,if he is still on puppy food,try putting him on adult now,that will bring his energy levels down again.If he is on adult (happy to have a look at what he is on for you,if you let me know what it is) maybe see what the protein levels are etc.His food may not be helping.
If he is crate trained( i think i remember he is) maybe after his walk,pop him in there when OH gets home(just for half hour) so OH can chill before playing with the dog. If your OH does want to be involved,maybe you could both go out and walk your dog in the evening,this will give you time together but also wear the dog out!(stop at a friendly pup along the way hehehe).He could also play mind games(hiding toys/treats etc) with your dog.
Dogs easily pick up on stressful situations,and being a youngster,he wont go off and sleep,he will play up for attention.
Im sorry you are having a tough time right now,and im really sorry about your miscarriage xx.Hang in there,your dog will calm down,this is the age when alot of people find it hardest,they are no longer cute little pups but big boisterous pups! Think of him as a terrible two toddler,into everything and wanting all the attention! Dont give up,youve done so much with him already.One day he will be a lazy lab sat by your feet.:)
 

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I don't know much about pups as I''m a newbie dog owner but PLEASE don't give up on him!!!

Pups are hard work & all those I've met seem to be similar to yours - I think there's very few owners who had an easy time although having support from your OH would make things much easier for you & the pup.

1. Your pup is getting in to water - is he off the lead when he does this? If so maybe don't let him off until his recall is better & you can call him back from temptation. Maybe invest in a long line so you can have control over him & he still gets his freedom. You can also practice recall training whilst on a long lead.
2. As for getting muddy, just keep a towel near the fron door so you can rub him down before he goes in to the house. I also invested in a Paw Plunger which you can get from Amazon (expensive but really worth it for cleaning muddy paws)
3. Pulling on the lead is a typical response from loads of dogs when they get excited. This thread has lots of good advice http://www.petforums.co.uk/dog-training-behaviour/104469-months-training-yet-still-pulling-leash.html
4. Maybe look at clicker training & have short sessions at home to keep your pup occupied, that may be part of the reason why he is chewing & being destructive
5. Do you attend any training classes? It would be a really good idea if you did as your dog would get to interact with other dogs, you could chat to other owners about problems you are having & you get loads of good tips & advice on your behyaviour as well as the dogs.
6. You OH must stop shouting at your pup as it's probably going to make the dog much worse & cause him stress. I found that when my dog Toby used to bark at the door I'd shout but it made NO difference at all. Try positive reinforcement training methods instead as I've found to be really successful. This other thread has lots of tips http://www.petforums.co.uk/dog-training-behaviour/92677-positive-training-videos-members-forum.html

I'm not an expert by any means, I've not had my dog long & am constantly learning what I'm doing right & wrong but it seems you need some help & I would hate to think of your dog having to be rehomed becuase you are struggling.
You need to have words with your OH about his behaviour also being consistant to help the pup with his training.
I hope things get better. there are a lot of people on here with experience who will probably be able to give you some really helpful advice. :D
 

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Aw hun, I feel for you.

Not the same but me and my OH were gtting really stressed about Ruperts seeming inability to calm down at night before putting him and us through 40 minutes of screaming, crying, scratching.

The only thing I can say is keep him crated. If my little bugger hadn't managed to escape he'd be in there at night still. :confused1:
 

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These guys are really good for advice on training your dog. Does he chew when ur not there? Or chew when u are aswell? Cause if its due to u not being there it maybe an attention thing. Missy does it. So I make sure I put her in the Kitchen with everything on the side so she cant get anything when I am not there. I was telling her off but it just werent working. So what I do is make sure there is nothing for her to get hold of then every time I come home I give her lots of praise! Just so I can break the cycle of her getting attention when she does chew. If that makes sense! :)

Although Rob loves Missy to bits he does get umpy when she chews something of his! So perhaps cause he has had to deal with his behaviour its brought up alot of frustration. I bet he doesnt actually hate him! If you do take over again you may find that he starts enjoying him again! Its a man thing I think! Just give it time to calm down again after all you have been through things are going to be abit strained. The dog will feel it to.

Right on cue....Chazz has just been sick all over my carpet! :D

Hope this helps a little. There are people who can give better advice on training and I am sure they will post on here for you.

Hope things get better for you hun.
 

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TBH I would not have brought a dog into an environment knowing that your husband was against them.

Shouting will only serve to heighten his anxiety and could increase unwanted behaviour. Dogs do pick up on emotions and while I understand your worry, I think in order to move on, you should speak seriously with your o/h and make him understand that his shouting will only make the poor dog worse.

Please do not think that I'm having a go at you for bringing the dog home in the first place, but you really need to educate your partner, before moving on.

I wish you every luck and hope that the situation can be resolved :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
thanks guys! All your advice and kind words are really appreciated! I really would never give him up, but it is hard to think we are failing him. I know if i get myself more engaged again things will improve, i just really needed to get it all off my chest. :crying: Sometimes things just get a bit much. xx

Bearpaw - you mentioned the feeding issue and i have to say this is something we have really struggled with.. he is one fussy bugger! I have had his food changed out due to the protein levels, but he never sticks to any type of food. We started on Hills (vet rec), then tried Orijen (too high in protein), then Burns, then JWB. We have tried adding sardines to his food which he loved and worked for about a month but now he won't even look at them. He goes off everything after a couple of days, and go up to 2 days without eating anything if i try to stick to my guns with him. After his stand off he then will grudgingly eat his it but he just nibbles little bits, then stops again. I tried mixing in wet food and again this tempted him for a short period of time. He does not get filled up on treats. The only things he does get is a couple of gravy bones when he goes in his crate and some raw hide chews to keep him occupied but again he can take or leave them.

I have recently tried switching him to a raw diet and bought a pack from Natural Instinct, but again he has gone off this after 3 days. This doesn't help with OH frustrations! The vet seems to think there is nothing to worry about as he is healthy looking and has boundless energy!
 

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this is the age when alot of people find it hardest,they are no longer cute little pups but big boisterous pups! Think of him as a terrible two toddler,into everything and wanting all the attention!
I agree with Bearpaw - my dog was most difficult to live with between 9 and about 15 months. He was all the things you say yours is and nearly drove me mad until I got some help, so I think the patience you show in your post is a credit to you.

I got outside help to manage him (a behaviourist, who really 'trained' me in ways to manage his behaviour so he was liveable with). One thing that really helped was dog gates so he could be partitioned off when I needed to get on with other things.

Alongside this I went to training classes to improve our communication.

But I think the biggest factor was that, as he matured, he got better, and he turned into a fabulous dog. Not 100% calm all the time, but an individual that is fun to live with.

My experience has taught me to treat a young, crazy dog kindly, with patience and with consistency - he is like a child that doesn't know what's right and finds out by doing 'wrong'.

Good luck with him :)
 

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A bit of advice about the feeding- Don't give in to him!

You have already created a rod for your own back (not having a go) but he is a dog, he will not starve himself.

Pick a food that you know agrees with his tummy and isnt too high in protein and that isnt going to break the bank.

Set food times, wether its once or twice a day, keep it the same routine.

Take him a walk before dinner and do some training so he works up an appetite.

Ask him to sit and wait while you put his dinner down.

If after 15 minutes he has not eaten it, take it away.

Do NOT feed any treats, scraps, offer dinner at an unusual time.

Next feed time, do the exact same. He won't starve himself, dogs can go days without eating (make sure there is Always water available).



Now on the subject of your OH (again not having a go :) ) but if it was me I would not have got with him in the first place IMO it a big mistake getting with someone that does not like something you are passionate about.

He needs a kick up the butt. He agreed (I presume?) to get the dog so he should not be giving up like that, you made a commitment to this dog and need to work with him together.

You need to sit and talk things through with out accusing and blaming (even blaming the dog etc) and come up with like a plan of action or something.
Maybe make a routine so you share cares for the dog like who walks feeds trains etc.

Can you both take him to training classes? Training is a good way to bond and hopefully you OH will feel like he is acheiving something with the dog too, make him feel good about it.
 

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I think a lot of men are just like this to be honest. My brothers and their friends and my ex HATED my dog. Now he's almost 2 and pretty darn good they think he's lovely but he was 'so badly trained and SO disobedient' every single day before now :rolleyes:

They would leave things out, Rupert would eat them and they would be all :mad: :mad: :mad: what a disobedient dog he's a rubbish excuse for a dog etc, they wouldn't for one minute think perhaps they should have put their shoes away or not left their dinner sat on the table and gone off for 20 mins etc. I found them very frustrating because they just didn't seem to care enough and to be honest I hope none of them ever get dogs as they just don't get it and wouldn't put the work in. Roo is my dog and I live with my Mum, brothers come and go as at uni/finished uni etc.

No training classes or anything would help my dog, because he was a puppy and has a very cheeky nature, its just who he is. Now he's more mature he doesn't care as much about stealing things and breaking them, he just isn't as bothered and is quite happy to munch on am empty marrow bone instead.

I would just accept dog is in his teenage phase, he should come out of it long before he hits 2 years old and your OH is just going to have to accept it. He doesn't sound a very doggy person with saying he acts with the dog at the minute. Just make sure when the dog is older and he loves him how much effort YOU put in and how he never was a bad dog he was just a puppy..! He needs to grow up as I assume he agreed to the dog too. I would be a bit careful about adding multiple dogs in the future because its not fair on the dogs if they get shouted at for just being cheeky pupsters which is what 95% of them go through :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
thanks again to everyone all advice is welcome.

My OH did of course agree to getting Serge, and he now has no fear of dogs and really has a love for them now... even points out cute dogs on the street etc. I know he does love Serge, up until this week they had been best of friends for months. Which is why i am so upset in the sudden change. I can recognise that he is hard work and demands a lot of attention, and the dog is the same ;) But seriously, i think after our blow out this morning, which is why i was so upset, i can see that i need to start getting engaged again and take some of the pressure off my OH.

I also need to speak to him about how he can't just make broad statements about having had enough of the dog as they are really upsetting. He also needs to deal with his frustrations with the dog better. What i did in the beginning was to get him engaged in training the dog and seeing results which is how they bonded, so i think the backward step Serge has taken in this teenage stage undone some of that feeling of satisfaction OH got from the dog and raised the old frustrations. We learned reward and positive reinforcement works and i think i need to get off my butt and start reinforcing that myself!

OH is away for a couple of nights as of tonight, so i will get be on full time dog duties and i will just keep this up. Once he sees our good dog again he will soon want back in on the action!

thanks guys, i am feeling better having got that off my chest this morning.
 
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