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Joke for today

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by mell-e-c, Nov 8, 2007.


  1. mell-e-c

    mell-e-c PetForums Member

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    A little girl goes into a pet store and asks

    'Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?'

    The shop keepers heart melts, he gets on his knees so that he is on her level and says

    'do u want a widdle white wabbit or on like that fwuffy bwack wabbit? or one like that widdle bwown one over there?'

    The little girl blushes, puts her hands on her knees, rocks on her shoes, leans forward and says....



    'I weally dont fink my pyfon gives a f*ck!!!'
     
  2. bullyb

    bullyb PetForums VIP

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    Pmsl!!.....:d
     
  3. mell-e-c

    mell-e-c PetForums Member

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    Driver stopped for speeding,

    Asked by policeman for his occupation.

    Driver replies 'Rectum Stretcher...'

    'What on earths that?' replies the cop

    Driver says, 'you put one finger in, then two, then your fist, then both hands and then stretch it until its 6ft wide.'

    Cop looks bemused and asks 'what do you do with a 6ft arsehole?'

    Driver replies....

    'Give him a uniform and a speed gun!'
     
  4. bullyb

    bullyb PetForums VIP

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    hehehehe!!!!!
     
  5. mell-e-c

    mell-e-c PetForums Member

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    25 stone woman getting ready for a fancy dress party is upset as she has nothing to wear.

    She asks her husband for advice...

    Husband pipes up and says....

    'Pull you p*ss flaps over your head and go as a sugar puff!'
     
  6. carol

    carol PetForums VIP

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    oooooooohhhhhh
    good ones
     
  7. dh.dti

    dh.dti Guest

    The oldies are always the best lol...
    :D
     
  8. mell-e-c

    mell-e-c PetForums Member

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    Anyone got any to brighten the day?
     
  9. mell-e-c

    mell-e-c PetForums Member

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    this is in no way meant in a racist way



    Doctor: 'Paddy, your wifes had triplets!'

    Paddy: I'm not surprised, I've got a c*ck like a chimney'

    Doctor: 'Well you better get it swept, the kids are Black!!!'
     
  10. mell-e-c

    mell-e-c PetForums Member

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    8 ways vodka is better than c*ck...

    1: Vodka is always stiff
    2: Vodka doesn't look smaller when it's cold
    3: Vodka lasts as long as you want it to
    4: Vodka doesn't prod you in the back in the morning demanding attention
    5: You don't care how far down your throat vodka goes
    6: You can have as many vodkas as you want in 1 night without looking like a slut
    7: You can enjoy a vodka infornt of your mum
    8: Vodka is always a pleasure to swallow
     
  11. Fade to Grey

    Fade to Grey PetForums VIP

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    The worries of getting old

    There's a old lady sitting on the bench in a park, a man walks up to her and askes if she's okay.

    "yes I'm fine, I have a wonderful boyfriend, I get all the attention I want, if you know what I mean?"

    "Oh so what's the problem you look down?"

    "I can't remember where I live!"
     
  12. mell-e-c

    mell-e-c PetForums Member

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    hehehehe :p
     
  13. dh.dti

    dh.dti Guest

    :D:Dlol...
     
  14. mell-e-c

    mell-e-c PetForums Member

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    With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet."

    A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."

    Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"

    And the mother says, "When the baby cries."

    So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

    The new mother says, "I forgot where I put it."
     
  15. mell-e-c

    mell-e-c PetForums Member

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    A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7,000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for.

    "Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box".

    Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked, "But what about the $7,000?"

    "Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen I sold them."
     
  16. mell-e-c

    mell-e-c PetForums Member

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    A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.

    As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

    "Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

    "That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.

    "Yes," the woman says, "you're checking for any lumps of breast cancer."

    "That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

    "Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."
     
  17. Esined

    Esined PetForums VIP

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    For weeks, julie had been asking Sam, her new collage botfriend, to meet her parents. Finaly she promised if he would come over the next day, she would finally have sex with him.

    Sam agreed.

    Now Sam was a virgin and very nervous. That night he went to the drug store to buy condoms. Haveing never done this before he had a 45 min conversation with the pharmacist selecting just the right condom.

    The next evening, Sam arrived for dinner. He sat at the table and offered to say grace, it was a lovely pray long and meaningful.

    After the pray julie leaned over and wispered to Sam 'I didnt know you were religious!'

    Sam wispered back 'I didnt know your dad was a pharmacist':D
     
  18. dh.dti

    dh.dti Guest

    :D:Dlol...
    :D
     
  19. Cats do what they want, when they want.
    They rarely listen to you.
    They're totally unpredictable.
    They whine when they are not happy.
    When you want to play they want to be left alone.
    When you want to be left alone, they want to play.
    They expect you to cater to their every whim.
    They're moody.
    They leave their hair everywhere.
    They drive you nuts.
    Conclusion: Cats are small women in fur
     
  20. plumo72

    plumo72 PetForums VIP

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    lol excellent
     
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