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Jealous but loving dog?

741 views 4 replies 2 participants last post by  Leanna1073 
#1 ·
Hello everyone !

I’ve been trying to educate myself and understand my dog but it’s hard to find the right answers when each story is unique. Plus, I don’t even know if I’m asking the right questions.

I have a 3 year old female patterdale, not pedigree. I believe there is some collie in her. She was originally my brothers dog, he got her whilst I was living with him for a short while. He’s useless with dogs and often keeps them for a year and that’s it. I always told him that should he get rid of her she will be coming straight to me because I believe in being loyal to your pets.
Since My brother got her i have been in and out of her life. I didn’t see her as my dog so it was okay for me to leave and come back in my head. Now I believe that she thinks that I was always her owner and may have abandonment issues.

Before my brother gave her up she would cuddle and love anyone, apart from kids.

now she lives with me and she has an issue with most people she doesn’t know.. especially female. She is very clingy with me. I struggle to leave her for even an hour because the separation anxiety is bad, for me too now. She won’t always eat whilst I’m out the room. People she was once friendly with, she growls out and lays across me, watching them like a hawk. She loves my boyfriend too but she isn’t as clingy. When we kiss or cuddle she separates us by getting in the middle and licking us to death. If I leave her for 5 minutes the reaction to my return is overwhelming and intense.

I don’t want to fuel the fire and would really take on board any tips!

thank you
 
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#2 ·
Setting aside the fact that your brother needs to learn some responsibility - or to stop having dogs - (and a ‘well done’ to you for taking her on), I have one initial question: How long have you had this dog (ie, how long has she been living solely with you?)
 
#3 ·
It is 4 months now that she has been living in my flat. but she would live with me on off and at my brothers. I would move in occasionally to take care of things and her whilst he was away, sometimes a month or two at a time and then I’d go away again.
I agree about my brother, I no longer speak to him.
 
#4 · (Edited)
I suspect she's 'resource guarding' you - dogs can guard all kinds of things they think are valuable: often, food, beds or toys, but they can also do it with owners (because you provide the love, food, etc, you are a resource who is definitely worth guarding). The danger is that her behaviour might escalate - from growling to a snap or even a bite (but don't panic; wejust ned to try and avoid any escalation).
One way to try and overcome it is for you to sit on the settee or wherever you normally sit wth your dog, then have a friend slowly enter the room and throw a steady stream of treats onto the floor (it needs to be something your dog finds REALLY attractive - cheese cut into small pieces, for example). After a few seconds of this, the friend should leave the room. If your dog has not snaffled the treats up to now, hopefully she will do when she feels less threatened. Rinse and repeat. As with all things it will take time for your dog to learn that an approaching stranger does not meana threat, but actually means treats. If your dog starts growling, respect it and have the 'stranger' move away. You should not tell the dog off in any way if she does start growling (nor should anyone else): she's only communicating (in the only way she knows) that she's a bit anxious. With time, the friend should be able to get closer, your dog should relax, and things should become more 'normal'.
Please note that resource guarding can be a difficult issue, so I would really recommend you consider contacting a behaviourist / trainer (one who only uses positive reinforcement methods); if you find one who starts talking about 'pack' theory or 'dominance', find someone else! Certainly, if the dog's behaviour escalates at all - lunging, nipping, biting, etc, you really must find a professional.
The other issue seems to be seperation anxiety. This probably also accounts for her refusal to eat unless you are around. Without seeing what you do before you leave the dog alone, it's hard to assess, but they key is to start 'small' - just try leaving her for about 15 seconds. Make NO fuss (and I do mean NO fuss) when you leave and when you return. I hate to seem like I'm judging (I'm not!) but I think you feel terribly sorry for this dog (you say YOU find it difficult to leave the dog) and you may be making a big fuss as you leave and as you return? The dog needs to understand that your leaving and returning is just very natural, no big deal - you will always return, and nothing bad is going to happen. I'd say leave her with some sort of toy or treats to keep her occupied, but it sounds as if - right now - she'll not be interested. If she can cope with you going for 15 seconds, extend the period a little to, say 30 seconds. Rinse and repeat - just keep extending the period of your absence. If she starts howling, barking, reduce the perod of absence to what it was and start again from there. If you can leave and return by different doors, do so - anything to make it all less 'routine'. Try and avoid always picking up the car keys, for example, as the last thing you do. It will take a time and a lot of effort and, again, you MIGHT need to bring a professional in to see what is actually happening.
Essentially, I think the dog has come to rely on you a bit too much. That's great in some ways - that's kind of what we want, for our dogs to 'love' us. However, in extreme cases - as here, perhaps - it can backfire a bit. It sounds like your dog has not had the sort of support it needed previously (I am genuinely sorry to hear you're no longer speaking to your brother, by the way) and now sees you as her saviour. It might be (but I'm really speculating) that her happy times were when you were around (if your brother was not good with her) and she reognises that and fears you going away again (but I suspect I may be drifting into anthropomorphism now!) Either way, you do need to be strong and resist makng too much of a fuss when you leave and return - literally ignore her when you come in for the first minute or so; it's NO big deal. "I come and I go - don't worry about me, I'll be fine; and I WILL always return". It may seem harsh, but it's for the dog's own good - and for yours, in some ways. Be strong! ;-)
The bottom line here (for me, anyway) is that I think the dog's problems may be rather ingrained and you MIGHT need to try to seek professional help from a suitable behaviourist (if you can afford it) - but try what I've suggested and see if you make any headway. Good luck and I hope what I've said makes sense; do feel free to come back if you need to clarify anything. Let us know how you get on, please.
 
#5 ·
Oh wow thank you for this amazingly thoughtful response. I’m glad I gave the forum thing a try now! Resource guarding sounds like what I felt it was but couldn’t put into words myself. Separation anxiety is definitely an issue and yes I am guilty of the big fuss when I return I just try to limit to 30 seconds now but I will absolutely try the ignoring her first idea now.
The keys part is interesting. She always knows the cues for when I’m about to leave, shoes on or getting dressed at all really has her on edge for a good half hour and she knows the sound of me lifting keys a room away. I will mix up my routine with that now try do things way before I plan to go out.
I do feel like her saviour and in many ways she mine... You have hit the nail on the head. She’s an emotional dog and I’m a very sensitive person. We’re quite the challenging often codependent match.
Thank you so much for this response I am taking it all on board and looking forward to seeing if it can help us.

Much love and peace
 
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