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Is your family open about it?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Miss.PuddyCat, Jun 1, 2010.


  1. Miss.PuddyCat

    Miss.PuddyCat PetForums VIP

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    When it comes to talking about a loved one who died?

    We've had a few loved once die well before there time because of cancer. 2 aunts, 2 grandparents , my Gran right now has cancer again and my mom had to have a tumor removed but thankfully it turned out not to be cancerous.

    We did cry at their funerals (well the ones I can remember) but my dad has taught me its always good to remember the funny times with that person. My dad told me at one of his first funerals as an adult that shortly after the funeral they had a huge bbq, beers and joked and laughed about all the good times they had with that person.

    They also went under the funeral home for a tour, my dad was shocked :scared:

    So we talk about it or laugh about the good times we had with that person. So were pretty open about it.

    One funny memory I have is one of my aunts compeltly forgot to take a pinkie out of the freezer for the snake so tried to warm it up in the micro wave. Well lets just say she hated splatter paintings afterwards and bought a new microwave :lol:
     
  2. Fleur

    Fleur Vassal to Lilly and Ludo

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    Yes - I talk about my sister quite a bit.
    If it's relevant to the conversation it's nce to remember her in different situations etc.
    And on her birthday we always do something she would of enjoyed - such as a picnic.

    That's a lovely if not slightly gresome memory of your aunt :lol:
    I remember my sister getting sick on the kiddies bumper boats - even the staff were laughing at her :lol:
     
  3. simplysardonic

    simplysardonic Moderator
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    We talk about family members & pets who've passed on, & sometimes I get the old photos out, oddly enough the children love looking at them but everyone else doesn't lol
     
  4. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    We have lost a few family and friends before there time. And we talk about the good and bad quite often.
     
  5. k4r4

    k4r4 PetForums VIP

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    i have lost a few really close family members and we do talk about them all except my dad when my mum is about as he only recently passed on and she still gets really upset but yeah i like to share with people the funny stories and the good times we all had..

    *Kara*
     
  6. Maiisiku

    Maiisiku Banned

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    My nan who fostered me from the age of 3 (so was more like a mum) died in January. My mother flat out refuses to talk to anyone works 60 hours and won't meet up with anyone and crys if you call her. My aunt is really good and will talk to me. My grandad will talk about it but sometimes he gets a bit tearful. My husband will listen to me if I want to share a memory. I talk about her a lot, she was a big part of my life.
     
  7. Inca's Mum

    Inca's Mum PetForums VIP

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    I haven't had a loved one in my family die yet during my lifetime.
     
  8. westie~ma

    westie~ma ~ In my shed ~
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    Hubby has lost both his parents at a young age, sometimes he'll mention them but he doesn't really talk about them, that's his way of dealing with it ... I get that now.

    I've only lost my grandfather who I was close to, I do talk about him to my grandmother but only when she mentions him. I'm quite ok with talking about death to my kids (although I don't say "death" I do a sort of hand flopping over thing and they understand), I've told them that I expect them to look after Monty if anything happens to me and where I want his ashes put and that there is a will so there won't be any arguments about who gets what and that if they sell the cottage I'll come back and haunt them :lol:

    My grandmother used to take me for a walk through the woods and we'd end up at a graveyard and she'd point out who she knew was in there. Some may think it morbid but its given me a healthy outlook on life, sort of acceptance.
     
  9. simplysardonic

    simplysardonic Moderator
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    ((((hugs)))) my nan raised me for a time too
    I don't remember much about my mum, she died when I was 13, my dad doesn't mention her but he walked out on us a year before she died to be with another woman & I think it embarasses him to remember stuff:(
     
  10. sarybeagle

    sarybeagle PetForums VIP

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    Yes im very open with my son (aged almost 12) about death. He has lost quite a lot of family members in recent years and so sadly has dealt with death a lot in his short years where as I was 21 when the first family member died (MIL)

    At first he finds it very emotional to talk about them so I leave it until he is ready and wait for him to mention them. We often sit through our photos of loved ones passed on and look back with fond memories. Just last week he heard a song and said it reminds him of his uncle who passed away in jan 09 and we sat and had a good laugh at memories and good times :)
     
  11. Izzie999

    Izzie999 PetForums VIP

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    Hi,

    We lost my Mum in April and before that Grandad in December. I think around the time of Mums death there was alot of talking and also laughing about stuff she had done. Now it seems to have stopped as we have all started dealing with losing her the way we did. My youngest says he can see Grandma in the clouds and he openly talks about her being with my Grandad now and her Mummy as he puts it. It is lovely hearing him talk about her like that,its both sad and beautiful at the same time.

    I think in time we will talk about her alot but at the moment we have so much to deal with and its so raw and painful. I feel sad for those on here that have lost their parents at such a young age.I know I was lucky to have my Mum for so long but I feel I have still lost her too soon!

    Izzie
     
  12. leashedForLife

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    i had a lot of cousins on my mums side, so weddings, christenings + funerals were all part of my young life -
    i probably went to 4 or 5 family funerals by the time i was 12, and altho obviously sad events, they were also chances to see my far-off cousins, so that was a good thing! :eek: there was lots of talk about past times, good memories, growing-up stuff; it was great for learning family history, and what our elders had seen + done.

    my BIG * SHOCK came around 12 to 14-YO -
    i met cousins Older Than Myself that i had not known existed! :eek: turns out my sire had a falling-out with his brother,
    and had nursed his grudge all these years... my WORD, it was an argument some 25-years before, and then i met my uncle in his casket, and his kids + other family-members for the first time. :nonod: now, that was sad...

    and we did not meet them socially after that either; there was no mending, he showed up to bury his brother with family in tow, and that was that. :frown: i wonder what became of my cousins, but have no way of tracing them.

    our mother died last July, and my elder-sis said, i worry that the family will fall apart now... :(
    sorry, sis -
    our extended-family crumbled decades ago, as the elders died and my cousins are now in 12 different states.
    only the sessile-branch of the family, from Phila, Penna, came to my mums funeral.
    my younger-sis rarely visits this area, and if she does, may or may not even phone me -
    so i think my elder-sis is mourning something that already happened; she just did not see it.

    i am losing my own dear friends, back in Penna - i cannot even get back to reminisce with mutual buddies...
    but i remember them in the here + now, i talk about my grandmother (the only G-parent i met - the other 3 died before
    my birth), i remember happy times + scary moments, its good to remember + share memories, i think.

    family is not just the people U share genes with - its the friends U gather along the way, too. :)
     
  13. k4r4

    k4r4 PetForums VIP

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    I will admit i have not lost any friends in my life my OH has though he has lost 2 he never mentions why his best mate from school died at 16 and he still hurts about it i think, he lost a good friend a year ago and it was soooo sad whatching the family and friends hurt like that..... He talks about both the friends he has lost and admits that he finds it sad that the only time you can get all of them in one place now is at a sad event like this.

    *Kara*
     
  14. lifeizsweet

    lifeizsweet PetForums VIP

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    i've not lost anyone i've been close to. OH's cousin died suddenly 2 years ago aged 16, we'll bring her up in conversation but it hurts to much to talk openly right now, i think it's too fresh still and because she just dropped dead, there are so many things unanswered about it.
     
  15. Izzie999

    Izzie999 PetForums VIP

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    I think when its so sudden and tragic it takes a long time before you can start the healing and have the reminiscing etc.

    I fear too that my family will fall apart now Mum has gone. She was a great diplomat and always made sure everyone felt included in everything.The family that remain are not so diplomatic. One Aunt seems to think she is my sisters second Mum,luckily she has not applied the same to me as I have had one Mum and no one could come close to being like her. Families change through bereavement,if you are lucky then they grow stronger but quite often resentments come to the surface.

    My feelings go out to any of you that have lost loved ones be it family or friends! it is such a difficult time.Cherish your families and friends and treat each time you see them like its a special gift,you never know when it will be snatched away from you.

    Izzie
     
  16. MissShelley

    MissShelley PetForums VIP

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    Death is a fact of life, I had to deal with it a lot growing up, and I can remember being grateful to my own Dad as he was one of very few adults who listened and answered my questions, instead of brushing the subject under the carpet. So yes we are very open about it in my house. Death is a funny thing, it's going to affect each and every one of us eventually, yet it can be so taboo in some circles. Sometimes the pre-school children will talk about death, maybe a pet, or a grandma/grandad... It's important that it's acknowledged, for the child to be able to make sense of it and understand that it's not a scarey subject, it's a fact of life :)

    I lost my Dad 15 years ago and it was the hardest time of my life, I still talk about him, the kids ask me about him, which is great, i'm glad to tell them anything I can about him, as my own Dad didn't really say much about his own parents and i've of loved to have known :) Also I believe in spiritualism so for me death is not an end, just another part of our journey :)
     
  17. bird

    bird PetForums VIP

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    We've near enough always been able to talk about our loved ones that have passed, with the exception of my eldest sis who to this day insists that no-one told her dad was ill. :mad:
     
  18. madferrit*

    madferrit* PetForums Senior

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    I think talking about those that have died keeps them truly alive, once you stop remembering then they are truly dead!
    My 1st experience of death was when my friend was run over by a drunk driver who ran a red light,hit my friend and carried on driving. She was only 15 it hit me really hard and i always talk about her and wonder what she'd be doing now.
    My Grandad died when i was 16 and we always have a laugh about what silly things he did like putting a lit cig behind his ear and forgetting he'd dont it! or when my dad was young and his brother had his trousers on so grandad just ripped them off him and said to my dad" there you go nipper!!" brilliant!!

    Lost my nana at 17 and we always talk about how naughty she was with eating cakes even though she was diabetic-thtas what she died of in the end it caused loads of complications:(

    When i was in hospital my OH's grandad was oppsosite and he died, a week later my grandad was took in and died quite suddenly-it was very hard at the time as i was very ill and couldn't go to see him.
    But i think about them all-quite alot and it comforts me.

    The only death that i cant get comfort from is my friends little boy who died as a 3 month old baby-it was awful to see friends go through that and it's something that haunts me but i still think of him.

    Sorry i seemed to have just emptied my head onto this page:eek:
     
    Izzie999 likes this.
  19. Kinjilabs

    Kinjilabs PetForums VIP

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    I lost my mum last Dec, and me and my sisters talk about her all the time, remember the good and bad times, we still cant believe shes not here, but it helps to talk:)
     
  20. MissShelley

    MissShelley PetForums VIP

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    Absolutely! the ones we love aren't dead if they are in our hearts and minds... And in the words of the excellent medium Tony Stockwell "Love is eternal, we are eternal" :)
     
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