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Irritated - need a slight rant

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Jackie C, Dec 30, 2017.


  1. Jackie C

    Jackie C Cat slave

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    You know, the more I think about it, the more I realise she's always been like this, and I've always know it, it's just the depth of it that has varied. My mum would call her a "fair-weather friend" (I even think my mum might have even mentioned that about her when we were teenagers). I guess because I have known her for so long, I've kind of accepted it's the way she is. It was her "norm".

    I guess what have been the final straws have been not bothering with my birthday; the borrowing money, saying she's broke, but would pay me back, didn't, and then got a tattoo and has never mentioned the money. Also, finding out how much her partner earns, but she's always "broke".....and then finally not getting me an Xmas present, as she "wasn't doing presents this year" (but didn't tell me, when she knew I would get her something. Nor did she say why she wasn't doing presents but she got a tattoo.)
    I think because it's all happened since August (my birthday), in a short period of time, it's all a big realisation.

    That, and having a right good old rant about it, and writing it all down! [​IMG]

    Yes, I think I'll stay in contact, for the sake of her son. He's a lovely young man (I'm not a child-person, either), and I don't want to lose contact with him. But as I said previously, I'm going to stop contacting her for nights out/lunch etc, and I won't contact her about visiting in January when I have the week off. And let's just see what happens.......




    Thank you all, again, for your honesty. I needed it, and it was good to rant, as it's given me clarity.
     
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  2. Calvine

    Calvine PetForums VIP

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    This is the sort of thing that infuriates me; and it is a common fault. So many people have money for what they want (at someone else's expense). One recent example of someone really 'broke' who really wasn't: My son was around at Christmas and we went into Richmond. There was a beggar sitting outside Tesco and my son put a quid into the upturned hat the guy was using as a begging bowl. He then said to me, 'Dunno why I bothered to do that, he's got the same mobile as I have!' (ie a £700 Google phone!). I've had people at the stables who 'could not afford their month's livery money' but went off to Florida the next week.
     
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  3. cheekyscrip

    cheekyscrip Pitchfork blaster

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    Sometimes one has to realize that we are being used by selfish people, who could be funny and charming if it suits them. Keep in touch, but let her take initiative. No more money. If she goes... let her.
    I have a friend like that. Not a close friend anymore, but it is fine to see her new w and then...
    Your friend sounds not only selfish but a liar!
     
  4. Animallover26

    Animallover26 I am me.

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    I could of written this ^

    Hopefully it won't be the same for you, but this time last year I finally stopped contacting someone who was supposed to be my friend, it's now been 1 year and 5 months since I last saw or heard from her, I've decided now that I obviously don't mean much to her as I haven't even had a quick 'how are you?'.
    As sad as it is, it's also kind of a relief, knowing I finally know where I am with her.
     
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  5. AnimalzRock

    AnimalzRock PetForums Member

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    In my experience, people who say they don't have money usually only don't have money for certain things. Someone I know set up a Just Giving page to fund her mother's funeral. This woman owns 3 horses, has a large horse box parked on her drive, her husband is part of a very rich family who own a large local business, they have a speed boat and quad bikes for the kids and both drive big expensive 4x4s with personalised plates. She is in a very well paid job and they went off to Florida within weeks of the funeral. Yet she had no shame in asking people to fund her mother's funeral. When she bought a horse rug off me once, I asked for £25. She gave me £20 she had on her and I had to actually chase for the remaining £5 (which I did as a matter of principle).

    The thing which got me about your post was that she could not afford to pay you back money she had "borrowed" but could afford a tattoo. If she ever asks again, say you can't afford to GIVE her money. Don't apologize. Just say "I can't afford to give you money". Once you have done it once or twice, she will stop asking.
     
  6. Jackie C

    Jackie C Cat slave

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    Exactly. I haven't bothered about her borrowing money before (and not returning it), as I know she was poor back then, and was living hand to mouth. But not now. Saying she would pay me back, then not, then getting the tattoo was the final straw.

    If she asks, I'm just going to say, "Sorry, I can't." No rudeness, just simple.
     
  7. KittenEevee

    KittenEevee Crazy Cat Lady

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    I am in the same situation, apart from lending of money.
    I've known this person since we were in primary school. I always saw her as my best friend through academy even when she moved school. We stayed in touch and although it was me making the effort, I always made it work and she'd always meet up with me. Recently over the past year we haven't spoken because I haven't put the effort in because she never does. She never texts or calls or responds to Facebook messages. I just can't be bothered with her anymore. We met up recently and the conversation was all about her, she never asked me anything about me. It left a sour taste in my mouth. She then got a text when we hadn't even finished our coffee and she just got up and said she had to go. We hadnt seen each other in over a year and she literally saw me for about an hour.
    Its sad, I guess people grow apart. Its sad because I thought we were best friends. Im not holding onto her if she doesnt have the time for me.
    Recently we got two tickets for a gig, I was so exicted for it. She text me the night before saying she couldn't make it because she wasn't feeling well. A few days later i saw she had posted on facebook she was at the pub. I am so heartbroken and frustrated and disappointed. Guess our friendship means nothing.
    I know people are busy but I've got people in my life who work and have families and still we have time to catch up.
     
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  8. foxiesummer

    foxiesummer PetForums VIP

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    The trouble with putting others first is that you consider yourself second best. Stick it in the *uck it bucket and move on.
     
  9. Jackie C

    Jackie C Cat slave

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    My last post on this was 31st December. My last text to her was also on this date, fittingly. The only way I have communicated is that I sent her a link via FB messenger about an article in her local paper. That's it. She didn't reply.
    I also commented on a FB post she posted, and "liked" the occasional post. She has not commented on anything I have posted, and has "liked" only two posts. Says a lot, doesn't it.

    God, it sounds like I am obsessing! I'm not, I'm just curious now as to when she'll message me, wanting something. TBH, that's "it" for me, unless she gets in touch about something other than borrowing money or wanting something.
    I'll send her son a birthday card on his birthday, and that's it. (I still don't know if she gave him the money I gave her to give him at Xmas).
     
  10. kimthecat

    kimthecat PetForums VIP

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    :mad: That was a really mean and selfish thing for her to do . [​IMG]
     
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  11. Jackie C

    Jackie C Cat slave

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    Agreed. Absolutely terrible and unforgivable.
     
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  12. Zayna

    Zayna PetForums VIP

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    I was in a similar situation recently with someone I considered a friend. Although we always got on brilliantly it was always me doing the texting and suggesting the meet ups. It was making me feel needy and shitty so I just stopped texting. I haven't heard a thing from her in over a month... So she really must be missing me eh?!
    It's really hard when someone you really care for doesn't seem to value you back but you can't keep chasing those people. You sound like a caring person with alot to give. There will be other friends out there who will appreciate that xx
     
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  13. Jackie C

    Jackie C Cat slave

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    Just a slight update.
    We'd "liked" and commented on a couple of each other's FB posts, but not messaged. It was her son, Oscar's 13th birthday on the 20th March, and I didn't want to miss it. Unfortunately I was working on the day, but a few days later I was off. I'd messaged her prior to this, asking what Oscar wanted for his birthday, but she said she was struggling herself to know what he wanted.

    I messaged her a few days before going (I was visiting my mum at the same time, it's 60 miles away) and asked her if she was working, and she told me she was working a late shifts that week. She works part-time, Mon, Tues, Wed. I said I would pop Oscar's card in with some money, and asked her if she had her partner's mobile phone number, so I could message him before popping in. She sent me it, and then was whining about him being lazy. I replied about "men". No reply.

    Since then I've heard nothing. No thank you for dropping money and card off for Oscar.

    Her cat had been ill, I messaged her to ask how the cat was: no reply.

    It might sound awful, but I tested her, thinking that if she doesn't reply, I won't initiate anything again. I'm off again this week, and messaged her end of last week to see if she was free, as there is a new Thai restaurant I've found in my city that does the best green curry I've ever had, and I knew she'd like it. I asked her if she fancies coming through for an evening out. I also said there was another place Oscar would like if they fancied coming. (Bare in mind she works part-time, doesn't visit, but I still manage to visit when I work full-time, and work shifts, days and nights).

    No reply. At all.

    The only reason I got back in touch was that I didn't want to lose touch because of her son, and his birthday was coming. But it appears nothing has changed. TBH, I didn't think it would, and it just confirms that she's very selfish when it comes to our friendship. It's her birthday next month, and I won't be bothering asking her what she's doing. I won't be bothered making an effort. In fact, I have some annual leave booked around the time, so hoping to go away.
    I almost want her to ask me out for her birthday, so I can say "I'm busy/away".
     
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  14. CuddleMonster

    CuddleMonster PetForums VIP

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    :( So sorry.
     
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  15. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Moderator
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    Time to let go I think. It's incredibly rude not to acknowledge your card and gift for Oscar, don't waste any more time or energy on her.
    I really understand the sense of loss that is felt when a long-term friendship ends , but it does seem that you're flogging a dead horse.
     
  16. Lurcherlad

    Lurcherlad PetForums VIP

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    Liked your post for the last paragraph. I understand what you mean - take control back ;)

    Good riddance to bad rubbish - as the saying goes. Don’t waste your energy on her - she doesn’t deserve you x
     
  17. cheekyscrip

    cheekyscrip Pitchfork blaster

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    Just put it behind you. Her loss.

    Enjoy your break!
     
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  18. Kimmikins

    Kimmikins PetForums VIP

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    As sad as it feels, this is definitely the point where you have to cast off this negative relationship. It’s going to take some strength at first, but it will be worth it and like you say it’ll mean that you’ve taken back control and can pour that energy into something else.
     
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  19. Jackie C

    Jackie C Cat slave

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    Thank you.x :)

    In many ways, I'm not really upset. It's gone on for so long now that it's kind of fizzled out, so in some ways I feel quite liberated.

    Thank you. This is it, I only tried that bit harder (or allowed it to go on for so long) because it's literally been a life-time of knowing her.
    I'm not wasting any more energy on someone who, quite frankly, obviously can't be @rsed to the point of being rude.

    Thanks, I am enjoying it! :)

    You're right. I only got in touch because of her son, he's a nice lad, and we get on. I didn't want him to miss out on his birthday because his mother can't be bothered with me. At the same time, I thought I would "test" her to see if things had changed. Obviously they haven't.
    I some ways, I can't believe I've been a bit of a doormat for so long!
     
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  20. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Moderator
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    After a while I felt a sense of relief, able to be myself and spend more time with my OH. ( She was single , divorced, and I had been close friends with her husband as well )
    We met the day we left home and started a Pre Nursing course , trained together , cried and laughed together, but I guess we grew up wanting different things from life.
    40 years of close friendship is hard to let go. It hurt my daughter too because this person was her Godmother and a big part of her life.
     
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