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Insults & Put-Downs

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by MoggyBaby, Jan 6, 2012.


  1. MoggyBaby

    MoggyBaby PetForums VIP

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    What is the best insult or put-down you have ever received, given or over-heard?

    I once had to serve a bloke who was a complete a*seh*le and also very rude to his girlfriend. So, after treating him to some of my sharp-tongued comments, he accused me of being a man-hater. To which I replied:

    "Honey, I don't hate men. I like men. In fact, I positively LOVE men. They are the best form of entertainment I have ever come across........."

    His face was puce but his girlfriend was :lol:.
     
  2. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    I had a car sticker i loved, it said, if they can send one man to the moon, why cant they send them all.
     
  3. alan g a

    alan g a Hello ev'ry body peeps. Stavross 'ere init.

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    When god was giving out brains, I thought he said trains and asked for a slow one.:D
     
  4. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    thanks for finally clarifying it for us :) :D
     
  5. smokeybear

    smokeybear PetForums VIP

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    The best one I have ever READ was

    "Hello, darling, I would love to get into your knickers"

    "What for? There is one ****hole in there already?!"
     
  6. Waterlily

    Waterlily Amused

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    lol bet you get told that a lot ? :D :p :lol:
     
  7. newfiesmum

    newfiesmum Banned

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    When I was trying to sell my bungalow, my ultra nosey next door neighbour kept making any excuse to be out the front when he saw viewers arriving and even talked to them if he got a chance. He was putting people off as nobody fancied living next to someone that nosey (neither did I).

    Finally I managed to sneak one in when I knew they would both be out, but he found out and told me he had met a woman at the golf club who was buying and he wondered if it was mine.

    So I says: You didn't tell her it was next door to you, did you? Cos that might put her off.

    He is probably still trying to decide if I was joking.
     
  8. foxiesummer

    foxiesummer PetForums VIP

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    The woman who wishes to be equal to a man has no ambition.
     
  9. Nithnell

    Nithnell PetForums Senior

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    I heard quite a comical one the other day, it was so b*tchy and to the point it appealed immediately to my warped sense of humour.

    As some of you know, I love my motorbikes, and I'm a member of various forums dedicated to them. One of the guys on there has just passed his test- now if you're under 21, you can only take your test on a small capacity 125cc bike, but you do have the option of buying a bigger bike and having the power restricted to 33bhp once you've passed, or buying a bike that doesn't produce more power than the 33bhp. Most do the first option as then they can legally take the restrictors out after 2 years without having to buy another more powerful bike

    Now the choice is very limited, (to test ride bikes that don't produce more than 33bhp) and you're looking at something around the 250cc mark (only about 3 or 4 modern bikes i can think of)

    So guy passes his test on a 125 and being bored on facebook, puts up a comment along the lines of 'I think I'll go and test ride a few bikes cos I'm bored'

    Along comes another member with her usual waspish style of wit and says something along the lines of 'oh you're just keeping to the 250s then?' knowing full well that the dealer probably wouldn't have more than 1 of the models in stock and guy can't ride anything more than that.

    Made me giggle anyway :eek: :lol:
     
  10. poohdog

    poohdog PetForums VIP

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    Heard many years back...

    "I want to talk to Santa Claus not one of the ******* reindeer"

    At the airport...Snotty oik to customs.

    "Do you know who my father is?"

    "No...Do you?"
     
    #10 poohdog, Jan 7, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2012
  11. newfiesmum

    newfiesmum Banned

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    Airline attendant trying to sort out flights at a busy desk, when a late first class passenger comes along and pushes his way to the front.

    Attendant: you will have to wait in line.
    Passenger says: Do you know who I am?
    Attendant gets on the tanoy and announces: I have a man here who doesn't know who he is. Has anybody mislaid him?

    Passenger then says: F*ck you!
    Attendant: You will have to wait in line.

    _______________________________________________

    I once had a woman phone wanting driving lessons for her daughter.

    Me: Does she want manual or automatic?
    Woman: Automatics are lazy
    Me: So is a washing machine, but I bet you've got one of those.
     
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