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Imprinting....

Discussion in 'Cat Rescue and Adoption' started by Titchy, Apr 20, 2019.


  1. Titchy

    Titchy PetForums Newbie

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    Hi.

    Haven't introduced myself thus far. So sorry am cutting to the chase. Thank you for listening.

    Cut a long story short am fostering 2 kitties ATM

    The youngest (3 months) is a whole heap of fun. Is a typical kitty & hopefully sure he'll find a new family ASAP

    The eldest (4/5 months) has captured my heart. She is so individual. She trusts me implicitly.

    My 19 yo cat died in 2016 My 13 yo dog died in July last year. I swore when my cat died I would have no other cats permanently. I was sure in my dedication I would never have another dog permanently after Titch went.
    I couldn't see another one die. I was adamant within my decision.
    I have seen 4 dogs off to their forever home since. Though I loved, cared & hoped for them I was super happy to see them go.

    So my question?!

    Black & White kitty has so connected with me as I have with her.

    Do I keep with the plan & keep on trying to find the best home for her or do I give in to our calling?

    I so wanted to keep that space open for a cat more in need i.e. sickness, elderly, least re-homeable...

    I don't know what to do.

    I don't know whether this is what most foster mum cats go through & to ride it out or whether I should listen up & take this X factor kitty into my home & my heart no matter what?
    I have been so strong thus far with doggos. Exceptional kitty has broken all the emotional rules.

    I don't want cat litter stinks, fur & anti - anti - bac everywhere forever.
    I want a quiet life.
    I don't want to poss be faced with a vet bill ad-hoc
    I can't afford to house a cat full-time.
    Yet THIS cat has chosen me.

    Will her next home catch her when she falls? x
     
  2. BlueIris1*

    BlueIris1* PetForums Newbie

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    Hi Zoe,

    Sorry to hear about your struggles and i hope i can help you think about things that will help you make up your mind as its a big commitment to take if you decide to keep her permanently.

    First i want to say that i can relate somewhat; my female Lurcher Luna had an accidental litter of puppies and one of the puppies ( our only male ) connected with me so deeply its insane. I myself was battling with a similar scenario, i couldnt afford three dogs never mind handling three ? I cant coupe and train three dogs !!! I had also just lost my child hood dog flash. He died on the sofa next to me having a cuddle suddenly that id never want to go threw again but i had already dedicated myself to my border collie Titan Berry and Lurcher Luna Baby.

    Anyway i could never part with Blaze in the end and kept him as life played on we where forced to re home Titan Berry due to him developing dangerous behaviour problems we couldn't control. He almost killed Blaze and he was a threat to my 3 month old daughter. We are Left with Luna and Blaze as has become evident Blaze is not without his problems as well. He is Borderline Agrophobic and its costs us a lot for him to have private consultations with a behaviourist yet despite all that i have never regretted keeping Blaze. His struggles have only clarified to me how grateful i am for keeping him and its really hard but we are both growing together and eventually we will free him from his fears.

    I miss my Flash very much and something i have been very grateful for is how much he taught me and im so glad he died happy in my arms being loved and thinking about it , its hard to lose them but its about the journey that matters not how it ends. And i am enjoying every minuet of my journey with my wonderful Loopy Lou ( Luna) and Blaze and when the leave there will be another fur baby waiting for a home and looking to touch my life in a way i could never imagine.

    Something you need to think about is what the kitten means to you and if your able to open your door to another little one for life or to try your best to find her the perfect home. I learnt through my experiences with Titan Berry that he was never supposed to live with me for life, but move on to his perfect home which i found and he now no longer attacks dogs or people. Now my Titan didnt need a home who could afford unexpected vet bills he needed a home with owners who connected with him on a spiritual level. He couldn't provide for him emotionally because we just didnt fit but his new owners where perfect they where just as bouncy and excitable as he was and i knew the moment i met them they where prefect for him. So when you are deciding dont let practicalities get in the way because life if filled with uncertainty and it can be hard to judge how long you can afford or not afford things. In December i couldn't even afford a dog walker but in janurary i suddenly had enough to afford to pay for a behaviourist who cost me £365.

    In the end you need to do the best for you, if you really cant give up that bond then you will be happy for put up with cat litter smells because you love your kitten but if its not for you and you can give up that bond then maybe thats for the best and do all you can to find that kitten a home with a family she can also connect with either as strongly as you and her or more.

    I hope this somewhat helps you and wish you so much luck !!!
     
  3. chillminx

    chillminx PetForums VIP

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    Hello @Zoe Maynard and welcome :)

    Having spent years helping run a cat rescue my experience is that every one of our foster carers has at different times felt especially connected to one of their charges (cat or kitten). Some manage to resist the urge to keep the kitten, some give in and keep him/her.

    Your special kitten is probably a "people" cat, inasmuch as he loves humans, and seems to understand them. Two of my cats are like this. The chances are if you let kitty go to a good home he will soon become as close to his new owner as he currently is to you. I don't think you need to worry on the kitten's account.

    So, your decision should be based on what you want. The action you take now will have a far reaching effect on your plans for the future. If you continue to foster kittens you'll have the option to take a break every year when kitten season is over. If you are someone who likes periods of time completely to themselves, without the responsibility of a cat, then that sounds like a good plan for you.

    I think the list ( of things you don't want) that you wrote at the end of your post is very revealing. Reading it I would say you're not ready to have another kitten/cat permanently in your home at this point in your life. Perhaps in the future you may feel differently, who knows? But right now, I think I would let the kitten go.
     
    TriTri likes this.
  4. Titchy

    Titchy PetForums Newbie

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  5. TriTri

    TriTri Standing up for cats

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    I agree 100% with chillminx.
     
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  6. Titchy

    Titchy PetForums Newbie

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    Hi.

    Thank you for your really helpful replies. Am having big time problems with my phone ATM. It's a 7 yo dinosaur that still (mostly) works so am loathe to replace it unnecessarily. Apologies for beforehand posts!

    BlueIris:

    My dog also died unexpectantly at home and although he wasn't in my arms at the time, he was in receipt of my voice and company seconds after and hopefully he knew I was there.
    The journey is what people keep telling me.....I had 12 years of good times with him though I can't let go of the fact that I should have clicked on that he was dying and sought professional help for him. I feel I failed him. The guilt factor consumes me.

    I understand exactly what you are saying re Titan Berry....and others.
    I had a Border Collie too, from 8 weeks and finally admitted defeat when he was 18 months. We weren't meant for each other. We were both unhappy and struggling to make it work. Nothing he or I specifically did wrong, it was just a lopsided fit that was never going to happen.

    Anyhoos....back to current situ....

    Kitty means so much to me. I worry for her future. I want to make her life secure. I want to KNOW she'll never be sad/abused etc and the only way I can do that is to have her here forever.
    Money isn't particularly a 'thing' as the cost will just be incorporated into the rest of my (disgraceful already) monthly outgoings and dismal incomings. It's just a factor to consider in regards to the long term commitment.

    I want to do the best for her.

    Chillminx:

    I love the way you put that across. So she'll probably be ok. She'll probably connect & bond with the next person just as well & do the same with the next person?
    'I' can easily go with that. I'm probs thinking too spiritualistically! Thank you. I want to just be that springboard in regards to socialising Kitties/Doglets & see them off to forever-dom, I do, but how comes I've been happy thus far to let them go up until her?

    P.S. How do I change my username? I thought I selected my last dogs name to be known by! Can't find any option to change it. Not the end of the world as have nothing to hide but would rather not advertise current one to the whole entire world :-D
     
  7. chillminx

    chillminx PetForums VIP

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    Hi Zoe, you will need to ask one of the Mods if you want to change your username.

    Alternatively you could ask a Mod to close this account for you and then you can rejoin with the username you prefer to have. :)
     
    TriTri likes this.
  8. Titchy

    Titchy PetForums Newbie

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    Cool.
    Brilliant. Have messaged them via the generic 'contact us' option.

    Thank you.
     
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  9. Titchy

    Titchy PetForums Newbie

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    Stupid phone lol......up to it's antics again!
     
  10. TriTri

    TriTri Standing up for cats

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    If you get another phone and it has a camera on it, can you get some photos of the foster kitties please and show them to us? :)
     
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  11. Titchy

    Titchy PetForums Newbie

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    Lestat 1.jpg
    Introducing Lestat. The lovable, inquisitive, playful tornado of fun, frolics & affection <3 Felixia.jpg
    Felixia....the super-sweet hug bucket!
     
  12. TriTri

    TriTri Standing up for cats

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    Thank you! They are GORGEOUS! Beautiful... & they look right little characters ... and very helpful in the kitchen :D
     
  13. Titchy

    Titchy PetForums Newbie

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    Hey.

    Yes. Such different characters too. Heh heh Felixia did her best to help wash-up!

    A potential adopter paid interest in adopting the pair of them together. I secretly hoped she'd change her mind about Felixia but she passed the homecheck, paid the fees & collected the pair of them today.
    She is lovely, cat savvy & has msgd me already with pics & updates. I'm sure she will care for them forever.

    I, however am distraught upon losing my baby Felixia. Lestat less so as he is more generic & affable.
    Yes I had my chance to adopt her (fookin' so should have). Yes it was the sensible thing to let her go. Yes I am now free to welcome any dog or cat into my home temporarily no matter what issue they may have but by george do I miss her like mad & want her back here with me to infinity & beyond.
    They went just after 1pm & I haven't stopped sobbing since (& I am not a cry-ey person).
    I feel I have let my soul buddy go to live somewhere she will probably be very happy in for evermore yet not with me & not as much as she could be. I'm her super-connective person who 'got' her as she 'got' me. I want the best for her & hope she can make a similar connection with her new folks.
    Am perhaps over-analysing but this feeling is so strong.

    Anyhoo's......Thanks for your input. I don't know if this experience has made me stronger or weaker....only time will tell. Life is an arsehole. Throws curve balls relentlessly. I've tried to do the right thing yet I always make decisions to the detriment of luck & destiny. Think film 'The Adjustment Bureau!'

    Just know I miss Felixia dearly & wish I'd said no to anyone else adopting her apart from me. Heart over head.
    Fed up trying my best to conform re head then ending up on my arse re heart.
     
  14. Gallifreyangirl

    Gallifreyangirl PetForums VIP

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    @Titchy you have done a great thing by taking kittens in and finding them new homes. It sounds as if you have been through a lot of heart ache losing your resident cat and dog as well. It's hard to know if you should choose your heart or your head with this. But just think how they are doing so well thanks to you.
     
    chillminx likes this.
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