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Im pregnant but feel so guilty - Advice Needed Please.

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by Becci-in-Hull, Jul 5, 2009.


  1. Becci-in-Hull

    Becci-in-Hull PetForums Junior

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    As many of you know I recenty bought Marley and he came to join our family home. He is a Labrador Retreiver Puppy and is nearly 10 weeks old.

    We got him home I started training almost straight away and now he is a very different pup to the one I got. He plays and gets involved with the family and all in all he has a fabulous temprement.

    The reason I feel so bad is because I have just found out Im pregnant and Im worrying about him. The reason being is that I fear that I wont be able to give him the attention and training he needs and deserves as I suffer with SPD in pregnancy and also with other medical problems that made me bed bound and in and out of hospital when pregnant with my daughter and they are 98% chance of reacuring in this pregnany.

    I love Marley to pieces, as do we all but Im worried that he wont get the time, care, attention, exercise, etc that he needs. I just think at this age there is a good chance of re-homing him with a loving family where he can get everything he needs.

    On the other had we all love him and want him to stay with us and we hate it when people buy dogs and then boot them out when kids come along.

    The thing is my hsband keeps having a right go at me for even thinking this way but Im just trying to think ahead.

    I would hate it if Marley got got older and because I havnt trained him enough that hes gidy around the newborn and ends up getting locked in the other room or something. Also if he was to become really untrained Im worried that I wont be able to cope and then noone will want to re-home him.

    Seriously its so hard trying to explain what I mean on here as Im not very good at putting things into words.

    Please dont think Im the kind of person to abandon my dogs, Im not. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I still kept Harmony. but Harmony was already trained and a few years old and established and trained, etc.

    Im just so worried and upset that I wont be able to care for Marley as I should and that Pregnancy then newborn with a 2 year old daughter, a 6 year old dog and a husband will be hard enough without a 1 year old dog that deserves so much more than I will be able to give in pregnancy.

    Please help. Im so upset and I dont know what to do. My husband wants to keep him and is treating me like the devil and telling me Im horrible and that Im just panicing but Im really not, its just if Im gonna re-home him, it needs to be whilst he is young, otherwise alot of people are not interested. Also my husband works shifts, doesnt train them, doesnt walk the dogs or anything, so it will all be left to me. He says he will help, but I know him to well, it will last a week max!!!
     
  2. iibao

    iibao PetForums Junior

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    Well if your husband isn't going to work with the dogs, I would re-home.
    Doing whats best for the dog, doesn't make you a bad person. Your not what he says, because you care about the dog. It sounds like your husband is talking about himself. I am sorry but, what an :eek:ut:
     
  3. PoisonGirl

    PoisonGirl Banned

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    If your husband is so sure he wants to keep Marley then he needs to make sure he will be available to look after, train, walk him if you can't, whether its because you are in hospital or having to tak it easy.
    If he can't guarantee that he can do these things, then that's when you need to consider re-homing him.

    When I was pregnant with my son i had a collie x gsd, I loved him to bits but I couldn't walk him, he would pull down the stairs and being 8 months pregnant and 3 flight's of concrete stairs?! No way. my partner (now ex) refused to walk him and I had to rehome. It was so sad. I wished I had found him a home before he got shut in all the time :(

    xx
     
  4. Patterdale_lover

    Patterdale_lover PetForums VIP

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    I understand completely were you are coming from and have sympathy for how upset you are feeling.
    But surely if the family kept his manners in check then it shouldn't be too much of a problem. Plus you could hire a dog walker ?
    Just an idea. I just thinki there must be something else you can do other than rehome him. Don't worry things will work out, and i'm sure soon enough there will be a member along to give you some more advice. :)
     
  5. Nicky09

    Nicky09 PetForums VIP

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    Ok you could hire a dog walker if you can't walk him if possible and really work on basic obedience for when the baby comes you have a while to do that if you've just found out. But if its not possible to give him that exercise and training then I would suggest rehoming him.
     
  6. srhdufe

    srhdufe PetForums VIP

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    I dont blame you for wanting to re-home him..

    I would offer him a new home if needed..

    Don't be hard on yourself...
    A new baby is time consuming...
    If your oh cant/wont help and you cant then it will probably be best to re-home, for the welfare of the pup..

    It will be very sad.. but think how much worse it will be a few months down the line and you may find you cant cope and have to re-home him then... when you are sooo bonded with him :(
     
  7. brackensmom

    brackensmom PetForums VIP

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    hi congrats on pregnancy, but sorry that you may have to consider re-homing Marley, but if you partner can not guarantee that he can walk him, it would be best to consider rehoming him sooner that later, i know that you have already become attached to him, but it will be harder if you have to leave it too long. I say this with experience, we had to return our dog, because of behavioural problems after 8 months and it was the hardest thing i had to do. Thinking of you and hope that you can come up with a solution that is best for everyone.
     
  8. dipdog

    dipdog PetForums VIP

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    dont feel guilty, i do agree a dog walker might be a good idea, as my sister also has spd and i know how bad it can get, she can hardly walk, it could also get worse the bigger you get during pregnancy, but i also agree if you have to rehome do it now before you get to attached, and the dog gets to settled, but also think about it propally first, as you dont want to do anything that you might regret in future,
     
  9. brackensmom

    brackensmom PetForums VIP

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    hi just a thought have you spoken to the breeder of Marley there may be able to help in some way
     
  10. Matrix/Logan

    Matrix/Logan PetForums VIP

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    I have to congratulate you on even thinking about this decision as many people wait until they have taken on too much when the baby arives, then neglect the pup for a few months then when the dog becomes a problem decide to think about what you are already bravely contemplating.

    Maybe if you really want to find out how committed your OH is you could book some puppy training sessions and tell him he has to take Marley, if he refuses then i think that settles the decision making!!

    You could do what we did when i found out 12years ago i was pregnant, we had a very young gsd and a labxgsd who was 2 and a half! We started weaning them into the kitchen behind a babygate as they had always had the run of the house but we knew that wouldn't be practical with a pram and everything in our open plan lounge. The didn't feel left out then when the baby came home and we didn't let them in the lounge so much, as they had got used to it by then.

    So you could start a routine with him that is going to suit when the baby comes along if you do decide to keep him!! It is a huge decision and i don't envy you having to make it.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.
     
  11. JSR

    JSR PetForums VIP

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    That's an excellent suggestion! Don't rush into anything, who knows you might be okay with this pregnancy and then you'll feel even worse knowing you could have kept Marley! You need to talk to your hubby and get this sorted out for the sake of Marley, as you say rehoming him now while he's young will be alot easier than a fully grown undisaplined dog but if you hubby is that determinded to keep him then he needs to step up now. Good luck I do hope you can find a way to keep Marley. If you decide to rehome him and want rescue help please let me know as I have contacts who should be able to help.
     
  12. Nicci

    Nicci Guest

    I suffered with SPD with my daughter and the problem did reoccur with my son, it was much worse second time around too :( I was bedridden for the last 3 months of my pregnancy, so I can understand that you are worried, but your hubby needs to stop with calling you horrible he ought to understand your concerns for your puppy (being pregnant is stressful enough initself without him making you feel worse).

    I agree with the others he needs to step in now and take completely over with your puppy, the only one that should be feeling guilty is your husband you have enough on your plate.

    See if he will read the thread on here you have posted, people can change sometimes they just need a swift kick up the backside :)
     
  13. catz4m8z

    catz4m8z PetForums VIP

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    I think I would try and convince my OH to take charge of puppy training/walking now to prove his commitment to the pup. If he really doesnt step up then I think you are being a caring owner to think of rehoming him whilst he is still young.
     
  14. LostGirl

    LostGirl PetForums VIP

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    I agree see how hubby does now with looking after Marley, I had SPD and its horrible i had it much worse in my second aswell :(

    good luck and i hope something works out for you.x
     
  15. ad_1980

    ad_1980 PetForums VIP

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    Please don't give up too quickly becci. I know yo're worried now because you are pregnant and everything.

    Talk to your husband and make sure he can do almost everything, or at least all the things you cannot do because you're having a baby - ie the dog walking etc.

    Let us know how things pan out hon :) Don' t be upset or despair.
     
  16. PoisonGirl

    PoisonGirl Banned

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    I know that when I eventually get pregnant (lol) my oh will be willing to look after the dogs.
    If it was just Dixie it wouldn't be too much of a problem, because she is happy just to stay home and play fetch. Pluss I have her trained to pick things up and/or carry them for me :D

    But it also means having two dogs they do run about alot together, so it would be easy just to drive them to the park or get my oh to walk them to a field here and just let them run.

    They both also have a harness that stops pulling.

    Dave does need to go to class occasionally and Dixie is waiting for a space at agility but my oh would take them.

    Hopefully your oh will be as helpful and understanding.

    xx
     
  17. Blitz

    Blitz PetForums VIP

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    dont forget that most people carry on as normal virtually till the baby is born so just because the OP has horrible problems doesnt mean you will too. I was working with cattle, sheep and horses until the very end of my pregnancy and it certainly never affected the care of my dogs, they just slotted in.
    OP, I do agree with everyone else, if your OH wont take responsibility then rehoming might be the best option. You know him, does he share the care of the dogs, child and house - if so then it shouldnt be a problem. If he doesnt, well personally I couldnt live with someone that doesnt so I dont really know what to recommend.

    But with the best will in the world, if he is at work, you will be at home and possibly in pain and not able to move around much with a very active young dog so rehoming may still be the best option
     
    #17 Blitz, Jul 6, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2009
  18. Becci-in-Hull

    Becci-in-Hull PetForums Junior

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    Thanks everyone for your input but the decision has been made for me. Unfortunatly I miscarried late last night. Just thought I best mention it to stop you all wasting your time by replying.

    Thanks again,
    Becci
     
  19. brackensmom

    brackensmom PetForums VIP

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    ohh Becci, i am so sorry that you had miscarraige, :( i have had 2 so i know what you are going through, thinking of you and big hug coming your way.
     
  20. LostGirl

    LostGirl PetForums VIP

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    oh i am really sorry to hear that masive hugs.xxx
     
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