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I'm absolutely bricking it

Discussion in 'Cat Chat' started by egyptianreggae, Apr 9, 2014.


  1. egyptianreggae

    egyptianreggae PetForums VIP

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    Hello folks, I'm really sorry to post a personal thread up here again, but there is a feline dimension, as there is in nearly everything I do, as of course this will affect the boys as well as me.

    Basically...I've been planning a move down South for a while. I've been unhappy in glasgow for quite a long time, despite the presence of wonderful people, and last winter was particularly tough. I feel as if life is passing me by, so many of my friends have moved away, and it doesn't feel as if there is anything here for me any more except my lovely cats.

    So I thought I'd apply for another job, what have I got to lose, etc...didn't write a very good application, thought little of it. Then I got an interview. After pulling off a truly heroic travel schedule, involving going from glasgow to rural Hertfordshire and back again in a single day, I was preparing to spend the train ride home sound asleep with my mouth wide open, when my phone rang. I got the job. And now I'm terrified.

    It's three days a week, which was intentional on my part, as it gives me time to work on PhD applications and writing and things I don't have time to do currently, but of course this will mean taking a hefty hit in terms of cash, and i think my subconscious is using this as an excuse not to do it. But I can't not do it. The boys will have a lot more room at my parents' house (I'll be living there, at least at first) and once they've recovered from the journey, I think they'll love it there. But I'm just so scared. I kind of wish I was a cat so I could be dosed up to the eyeballs with Zylkene and Pet Remedy and be transported in a crate and not have to worry about anything except the pink mice marching up and down in front of my eyes.

    I think basically I'm just looking for a bit of reassurance and courage, and stories from others who have made similarly huge decisions and had things turn out ok. When I got home last night, Tiny rolled on his back, miaowed and waved his paws in the air, which was comforting and heartening in its own way, but I think I might need some human input too.
     
  2. Ceiling Kitty

    Ceiling Kitty Hides away from much through humour...

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    Well first, congratulations! :)

    One step at a time - these things can easily seem overwhelming and bloody scary if you look at them as ONE HUGE CHANGE but break it down into smaller changes. Change of living accommodation. Change of daily commute. Change of local area. Et cetera.

    You are of course under no obligation to accept the job, but it sounds from your post like you would just regret that later on.

    I moved from Hertfordshire to North Staffordshire five years ago, for work. For six weeks I had to live in a B&B. It was difficult, sure. But it was the right thing. Doing it that way was not my choice (I got a house with the job, but the previous tenants were still living there at first so I couldn't move straight in), but in the end it enabled a more gradual changeover: I didn't have to worry about messing about moving into the new house until I was already settled in at work, and I still travelled back to Herts at weekends.

    OH obviously had to quit his job in Herts and move up as well. He was unemployed for a couple of months but soon found work and now he says this is the best job he's had.

    Look at this as a new start and a new challenge, but take it bit by bit. :)

    I think you're gonna be okay. :)

    xxxx
     
  3. MollyMilo

    MollyMilo PetForums VIP

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    Congratulations ER!! :thumbup::thumbup:

    Can't say I've ever done anything so brave, but I so admire your courage to uproot yourself and your boys!

    I think as long as they have you, it will all be ok :)

    Are you still thinking of moving to that town you mentioned a few weeks ago?

    It's all so incredibly exciting!! Xx
     
  4. ForeverHome

    ForeverHome PetForums VIP

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    Ok time to pull out a personal experience which I hope will help you.

    My home was Bristol and all my friends and what family I have in this country were there. I split up from a 10 year relationship so aged 28 and in an office job I'd always hated, I felt the world was my oyster. I got a job on really crap pay (the pay nearly doubled when minimum wage came in) in the middle of nowhere in the Peak District, as an outdoor pursuits instructor. A dream come true. Just a 7 months season but I dumped all my commitments and moved.

    Before I did, my dad was diagnosed with cancer, which kind of put a damper on being 200 miles away, but never mind. Half way through the contract I broke my arm. I have never felt so lonely in all my life. I couldn't do the job I went there to do though I stayed on helping out where I could. Friends I'd made had work and climbing and canoeing to do so I was on my own. I couldn't drive. I couldn't even go for long walks because in the heat my arm swelled under the cast and hurt like hell.

    Contract ended and I came home. Didn't know what to do next so applied for uni and got in. Then Dad was given months to live. I honoured my commitment to my uni place but within a few weeks I realised I had a choice between a degree and being there for my dad, so I quit. Best decision I ever made. Dad asked if this move back home was permanent. Out loud I said "indefinite" but inside I promised I would be by his side till the end.

    Well, long story short, the end was 11 years later, and I'm still in Bristol, and now I know that no matter where you are, there's nothing in the world that matters except people. So home is where your friends and family are. As a child I missed out on my grandparents, they were in the south of France and I saw them once a year. I'd have given anything to have them round the corner and pop in at the weekend or in the evenings, like my friends did. I didn't see my Gran for 18 months before she died.

    So in short my point of view is very biased and I would go adventuring by all means but I would never split up a family and circle of friends by moving to another part of the country permanently. Money really does not matter, so long as you have enough for a roof over your head and food on the table, you can go without luxuries, but you can't replace the people you love or the time you spend away from them.

    In your shoes, I'd be back home.

    But I'm not you.
     
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  5. moggiemum

    moggiemum PetForums VIP

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    hey thats brill , good for you :) you can't get any better than having your family close , your mum must be so happy :)
     
  6. oliviarussian

    oliviarussian Meeoow!

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    Congratulations ER, of course you're scared it's a huge step and change is never easy but you sound like you are more than ready for it...... Remember the quote "Do one thing everyday that scares you" well swap the word scare for challenge and it doesn't seem quite so bad!!!' :blink::blink::biggrin:
     
  7. Lunabuma

    Lunabuma Owned by two Orientals

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    Very exciting. I moved to London from North Yorkshire on my own when I was 24, best thing I ever did. I have more quality time with my family and friends from up north when I do see them. I have a whole group of London friends and I met my wonderful hubby. You make the life and opportunities for yourself and you can always go back if you really don't like it x
     
  8. alixtaylor

    alixtaylor PetForums VIP

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    Congratulations! That's such good news. :)

    The South is great, I moved to London for the first time on my own when I was 19 , I'm originally from North Wales. It was a really exciting time and I'm so glad I did it. Best of luck with the move!
     
  9. Paddypaws

    Paddypaws PetForums VIP

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    ER is coming down south!!!!:yesnod::yesnod::yesnod:

    I think it sounds like a wonderful opportunity....and if it gives you time to write then I think mankind will benefit!
    Looking forward to the Tiny and Simba book series.:p
     
  10. smiler84

    smiler84 PetForums VIP

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    Congratulations! I've made a couple of big scary moves for uni and work. It's daunting moving to a brand new area when you don'tknow people but at the same time it's kind of liberating!
     
  11. Figaro

    Figaro PetForums Member

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    You won't regret it, do it!!! And good luck!
     
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  12. sarahecp

    sarahecp Crazy Cat Lady of Bucks

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    Congratulations ER :thumbup:

    Ive not done anything as scary or exciting! But wanted to wish you good luck :) xx
     
    egyptianreggae likes this.
  13. havoc

    havoc PetForums VIP

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    Nothing has to be forever so if this move doesn't bring you contentment you'll look for other opportunities. We rarely regret the things we do even if they don't turn out the way we want. We always wonder about the opportunities we let slip by :)
     
    egyptianreggae likes this.
  14. Satori

    Satori One of Life's Winners.

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    I was living and working in Manchester in 1990 when I was offered a job in Surrey out of the blue. Went through the same dilemma as you made perhaps more difficult by the fact that I was extremely attached to my girlfriend who I had been seeing for only a month; down-south seemed like another planet. At the end we said feck-it and moved down to Surrey and got a house together.

    In 1995 a company offered both of us jobs in Brussels. We didn't speak either of the languages, my parents were resistant to flying and visiting (at first). It seemed scarier still. I still remember us sitting in our local pub in Surrey saying feck-it, if we don't make the move we may never leave England and we'll just never know. So Brussels it was.

    In 1999 I took a job in Dublin and changed my mind at the last minute so not only were we living in Brussels but I was unemployed. I got lucky and after a brief job search I had two job offers in Paris and one in New York. That was an agonising decision and our families were pretty much against the New York option but, by that time, we were more adventurous, so we packed up and went to New York while I travelled 50% of my time to Mexico and Brazil. We took permanent US residence and thought we might retire stateside when in 2004.....

    ..... the phone rings and and job too good to resist was discussed. So off we went to live in Switzerland and also got the chance to spend time travelling in Asia. Then in 2009, another company calls me directly and we end up moving to London for a couple of years, Before retiring to live back In Surrey in 2011. Yesterday, we had an offer accepted on a house and will move back up to greater Manchester this year where we still have family. So full circle really.

    Several countries, four languages, 13 house moves and a million tax returns later and I can honestly say it has been an immense privilege to work and live in so many places and see so many different people. You never experience a place until you live there really. It can be stressful but there honestly nothing like it, we have so many memories and time goes slower when you aren't stuck in a rut. Every year since we moved my parents came to visit twice a year for a month each time so we got to spend quality time with them too.

    YMMV, we are all different but I would grab it with both hands, expect some scary stuff and some frustration but deal with it as it comes. The up-sides are great.
     
    egyptianreggae likes this.
  15. havoc

    havoc PetForums VIP

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    That's a wonderful way of putting it.
     
  16. Charity

    Charity Endangered Species

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    I say you should take the bull by the horns and go. Life is full of challenges and decisions, some scary, this won't be your last. When you are unhappy, something has to change or you will stay unhappy and always wonder and perhaps wish you had done it when you could. Yes of course its daunting but you have a supportive family to help you and your kitties which is great, there's nothing more precious than family. The worst stage is where you are at now, 'shall I, shan't I'. Often once you've made the decision and get on with it, you can focus on all your new plans and its so much better. So, go girl, and good luck. :thumbup:
     
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  17. Jesthar

    Jesthar PetForums VIP

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    Go for it! :D

    I'm a Midlands lass born and bred, but I've been down in Berkshire for ove 10 years now. It all started when during the second year of Uni I put in a speculative a very late and very speculative application to a Maindenhead based telecoms company for a student placement year. Long story short, I went from speculative application through interview and assessment centre to having the job confirmed in under two weeks!

    Which, of course, meant all of a sudden I needed accommodation AND a car of my own on very short notice! :eek: But it all came together, and I enjoyed my time so much I moved down here once my degree was over :) That again was tough at the start, as it took me a while to find work plus I had all the hassles that came with shared rented accomodation, but the right job came along and I now also have a little place of my own :)
     
  18. londongal796

    londongal796 PetForums Senior

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    First and foremost, congratulations!!!!!

    The job market is so hard out there right now, and so definitely don't forget the fact that out of all of the people out there, they picked YOU. Which is FANTASTIC! Well done!!!!!! :thumbup:

    I am from the US, and I am very very close to my family. I grew up with a very big extended family who all lived very close to each other and I spent a ton of time with aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc.

    I came to the UK in 2004 for a semester abroad during my undergrad. I made some friends and really enjoyed my time here. In 2007 I came back to do a 1year postgrad course. Moving over for a whole year was pretty scary--I didn't know anyone at all on my course, I hadn't kept in touch with any of my friends from before, and I only really knew one person in the whole of the UK at the time (an old old friend from online, who I had met in person in 2004).

    Still -- I did it, and it's certainly been the best decision of my life!

    After finishing my degree, I got offered a position at my dream place to work (British Library) and fortunately the immigration system was a little less crazy so I was able to get a 2 year post-study visa. I never intended to live in the UK permanently but it just sort of... happened.

    As someone else said -- it certainly makes me appreciate the time I have with my family and friends more when I do go back home. Yes, I miss them, but the really important people in your life find ways of sticking to you, no matter how far away you travel.

    You also have the added bonus of being able to be with your parents, which alleviates some of the initial moves stress, which generally has to do with finding accomodation that isn't crap :) I would LOVE to be able to move back in with my dad (well, mostly anyway) but not an option with the ocean and immigration laws between us.

    As for the kitties -- they will be fine! Wherever you are happy, they will be happy too, and if you are continuing on to do your PhD, they will be VERY happy as that means more time with you, and more success for you! So when you have your big mansion in a few years with your big PhD, they will be living in the (literal) lap of luxury :001_tt2:
     
  19. ShelybellyandTeamC

    ShelybellyandTeamC Bad Joke Generator

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    Firstly Congratulations on your new job!

    I know how you are feeling, 8 weeks ago me and my OH both quit our jobs to set up our own business, it was terrifying handing in our notice and realise that is it. (We had saved for a number of months leading up to quitting) No more relabel wage every month.

    We are now 8 weeks in and slowly starting to get business and things are on the way up.

    Everything in life is terrifying and everyone has to make scary choices but the way I look at it is life is to short you never know what could happen one day you could wake up and the next you may not

    You cant wait around waiting for good things to happen you need to make them happen yourself.

    Personally if I was you and feeling unhappy I would jump at the chance for a new start. :)
     
    #19 ShelybellyandTeamC, Apr 10, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2014
  20. nightkitten

    nightkitten PetForums VIP

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    Congratulations and yes, do it!

    I moved from Germany to England. Sold everything, only brought over my personal belongings. Have never regretted it :D
     
    egyptianreggae likes this.
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