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I think I genuinely hate my dog!(TW?)

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by Miss Hunt, Apr 23, 2020.


  1. Miss Hunt

    Miss Hunt PetForums Newbie

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    LONG POST. Very sorry... Also possible trigger warnings?

    As the name suggests, I think I actually hate my puppy. She's 3 months. I've had her since very early March. And from day 1 I have been indifferent at best, very loathing at worst. Until the last 2 days. When have been cooking dinner and the thought of leaving my dropped garlic (Whole, not just a clove or so) on the floor even when she comes out of her crate. My depression has been growing (after a 3 year hiatus!) Since she arrived and now if I'm not daydreaming about my own death, it's about ways I can get rid of her. Leave the door open, or ignore dropped foods, pretend she doesn't exist... That sort of thing.
    She's not a bad puppy. She chews like crazy. She can't stay sat. Eats her toilet training pads/bed/ my toddlers' toys. Sleeps through the night. Doesn't bark. Half-listens to commands. I'd say she's rather average, maybe even above if she wasn't so overly excitable and would thus listen. I've had no traumatic experiences. Had 2 high-need hand-raised cats (Who needed rehoming when I moved with my baby because they couldn't cope with the animals and people going past the home (largely glass!). Had dogs and cats growing up. Even a puppy whilst I was in high school.
    I was excited to have her. Knew what I was getting in to. Had a routine planned, training schedule. Everything was thought out and ready. And then she came. And I couldn't care less about her. My infant and toddler like her. She's great with my very grabby baby (Who can push down on puppy's teeth and pup just let's her with a wagging tail (I tell partner not to allow it but he ignores me...)). Partner likes her too (But has no tolerance for biting and jumping - Has not had a puppy before).
    I honestly just hate her for no reason, it seems.

    I would NEVER actually let it get to a point where I harm her. I have tried talking to partner who is just ignoring it. I wish I could like her but also know you can't help how you feel.
    Yes, I do have time to train her and raise her. I just have no will, and detest the idea of having to spend time with her. No clue why.
    Has anyone else been through this? Is there a way to get past it? Something I can do to fix it? Is it puppy-blues that will pass? I know I am a horrible person for even feeling this way, but it really feels like it's me or her, despite logic saying otherwise and my knowing better. If anyone can help us get out of this it'd be really appreciated. I'm her primary guardian (Partner works 12+hrs when he's not on leave like he has been the past month) so it would be nice to be able to love her, not just be an angry prison warden...
     
  2. McKenzie

    McKenzie PetForums VIP

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    Puppy blues are normal, but your feelings sound like more than puppy blues. It might be best to return your puppy to the breeder and perhaps get some mental health support?
     
    Kittynanna, Sarah H, O2.0 and 5 others like this.
  3. Miss Hunt

    Miss Hunt PetForums Newbie

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    She was part of an accidental litter and the 'breeder' had not bothered to vaccinate, flea or worm, or chip any of the pups, mum nearly died from malnutrition when nursing her pups so all of them except mine went before 6 weeks old. Mine stayed until 8w but 'breeder' didn't like her being nippy. She isn't unless she gets too riled up but still. 'Breeder' also still hasn't bothered to get her dogs (male and female) 'fixed' even with the money form the litter. Puppy might not be best off with me, but she's be worse still there if they'd even take her. :/

    I was really afraid people would say it is more than that. I really did hope it might just be a really bad case, but knew it wasn't likely. It feels a lot like what I imagine bad PostPartum depression to be like after the warnings I got when having my kids. Only, with my puppy instead. Except with a human baby, you get help. Can't find anywhere that offers this sort of help with a puppy. :/
     
  4. I agree with @McKenzie. I had a mild form of puppy blues during the first week we had our Nova - it was mainly feeling overwhelmed with the new responsibility and routine and in my case subsided very quickly. I do think you should think about responsibly rehoming that puppy - not through the ''breeder'', but a rescue. You sound like you need some professional help, suicidal thoughts and depression are really serious. I wish you well with whatever you decide to do and hope you can look after yourself.
     
    Burrowzig, niamh123 and Lurcherlad like this.
  5. McKenzie

    McKenzie PetForums VIP

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    If returning to the breeder isn't a viable option then perhaps look at contacting a rescue. A 3 month old puppy will be rehomed incredibly quickly, however, I'm not sure what the situation is with rescues while we are in lockdown (I'm not in the UK) - I'm sure someone else will be along soon to advise.
     
    O2.0, Lurcherlad and kimthecat like this.
  6. Rafa

    Rafa PetForums VIP

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    This does not sound like normal 'puppy blues'.

    I really think your pup would be better in another home and I'm not being judgemental, just realistic.

    We all make mistakes and I'm sure you had no way of knowing you would feel this way.

    I don't know what breed your pup is, but there are Breed specific rescues.

    Have a look around and get help where you can to get her into a loving home.
     
    O2.0, Burrowzig, margy and 3 others like this.
  7. kimthecat

    kimthecat PetForums VIP

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    It sounds like you have a lot to cope with. I think if you rehomed her you would feel relieved. There is no shame in rehoming , she is young and she'll settle in a new home.
     
    Burrowzig, margy and Happy Paws2 like this.
  8. 3dogs2cats

    3dogs2cats PetForums VIP

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    I feel for you I really do, yes I have been there and remember it only to well! Years ago now, after years of longing for a dog my husband and I were ready for a puppy, well I thought I was ready after all this is what I had dreamt about and planned for so many years, how wrong I was! The puppy did not do anything wrong I just felt overwhelmed with her and that turned into a deep depression about having her in my life. I`d had serious post natal depression after having my daughter and I think the puppy must have triggered those feelings again. My thoughts at that time regarding her and myself were not at all healthy, however what made a huge difference with how I got through this was my husband who took over the care of the puppy as well as everything else bless him because I had basically shut down, if I had been left to deal with her well I`m afraid the ending may not have been good for either of us. I did eventually come out of it but it took a while, the dog lived for 16 years she had a great life, we still shared a bond despite everything.

    I have never had another puppy since I would not begin to entertain the idea, I cant hold other peoples puppies and wont visit any house where I know a puppy lives, If someone approaches me with a puppy I will do my best to avoid them, I cant even watch programs about puppies in fact even writing this is making me feel anxious. That is how bad the situation was, it is has left me with a puppy phobia.

    If you haven't got someone who will give you 100% support with this and I don't mean just help out I mean take over completely, then rehome her for your own sake, you are not a horrible person, no one wants to feel like this I wouldn't have wished how I felt on my worse enemy, its not a choice I didn't wake up one morning and just decide I was going to hate the puppy, I had no control over how I was feeling. Please look after yourself.
     
  9. kimthecat

    kimthecat PetForums VIP

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    @Miss Hunt. How are you today. Im wondering if the stress of lockdown is getting to you and its affecting your relationship with your puppy.
     
    ForestWomble and LinznMilly like this.
  10. Blitz

    Blitz PetForums VIP

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    Not everyone likes puppies. I can never wait for them to grow up but at the same time I prefer a dog I have reared from puppyhood and have never bonded well with adult dogs I have taken on. But to have a puppy and a baby and a toddler coupled with lockdown does sound like a recipe for disaster and I can quite see you resenting the puppy but the extent of your resentment sounds as though you need some help. I am sure that your GP would be happy to talk things over with you and there are helplines for mental health problems plus lots of covid related helplines. I am helping out with a charity who does twice weekly phone calls to people needing help with shopping etc and the idea is to chat for a bit and relieve loneliness. I had a lovely chat with someone about dogs the other day. I hope it perked her up a bit and gave her a break from her indoor life. But if the pup is the crux of your problems then maybe it would be sensible to look into how you can rehome her. Just not sure rescues will be able to do a lot at the moment. If your husband is home now can he take over a lot of the care of either pup or children and take the responsibility of cooking and cleaning away from you. maybe if you had time to focus on the puppy and know nothing was waiting for you to do you might find you bond better.
     
  11. catz4m8z

    catz4m8z PetForums VIP

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    It does sound like you might be better off rehoming the puppy TBH. Puppy blues can leave you feeling like you've made a horrible mistake and that you just arent bonding with your puppy at all but what you describe sounds alot worse then that.
    Maybe you need to look into counciling or a Dr visit as well?
     
    winterrose, kimthecat and Burrowzig like this.
  12. The Wild Bunch

    The Wild Bunch Owner of dogs and referee of children

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    Puppy blues are one thing, depression and intrusive thoughts are something totally different. You are aware of how you feel and are 'in tune' with yourself to know that things aren't right. Having suffered with mental health issues myself since 2007 I am all too aware of the things that I can do when on a high or a low such as making a purchase that you would not normally consider (perhaps the puppy in your case)
    There is no shame in rehoming puppy and somebody would be happy to have her. I would also suggest getting in touch with your GP or MH team to see if they can see you asap.

    If none of that seems possible and you really are struggling... please, please call samaritans on 116 123 they will not judge you and are available 24 hours a day.

    I hope you are ok
     
    winterrose likes this.
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