I got my first cat 'Spikkel' (dots in Dutch) when I was just a toddler. When my parents divorced, Spikkel and I went to live with my mum in London and I visited my dad in the Netherlands every other weekend. One time after spending a weekend with my dad, I missed Spikkel more than usual. I remember I bought him a teddybear and while in the train back home my sister and I couldn't stop talking about how badly we wanted to see Spikkel again. However, once we arrived home my mum immediately told us to sit on the couch before we were able to run to him and she told us that Spikkel fell out of the window (we lived on the 8th floor) and died.... We immediately fell to our knees crying. Although it now sounds awfully lugubrious, she had put his body in the freezer in order for us to still have a chance to say goodbye before he was cremated. (I am so happy my mum did that as it allowed me to hug him one last time) I still remember it so clearly how he looked.. blood had come out of his nose but for the rest he looked like he was sleeping. I prayed to God to bring him back to life because I could not live without my friend and I remember my tears falling on his little face. When we brought him to the crematorium, I cut some of his hairs to save and keep close to me but I still feel guilty for having done that. I felt disturbed at the sight of the bald patch on his stomach - as if I had ruined his peace. He was 8 years old but the move from the countryside to a life inside a city apartment was literally killing him... This happened more than 14 years ago and I am now an adult woman but I still cry about it...... I am so happy to have found this forum and community of people who are going through similar emotions due to the loss of their beloved pet and to be able to talk about it without shame or fear of people thinking that I have gone absolutely mad for still mourning the death of a cat 14 years ago.