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I really need to rant for a second...

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by Lyracollie, Jun 28, 2017.


  1. Lyracollie

    Lyracollie Crazy hamster lady

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    I was talking to my brother about the idea of adding a second dog into the family eventually, my brother responded with "Why would you get another dog when you can't even look after the one you have now?"

    And I honestly nearly punched him (I didn't, sadly), because I have done nothing but devote the past 4 years to this dog.

    When I first got her I had severe social anxiety, to the point where walking a few feet down the road to the mail box on my own was absolutely terrifying - so obviously I was nervous to walk her alone, and when I asked said brother to come with me he refused, so I did it on my own, battled through my anxiety and forced myself to chat with strangers and other dog owners despite being terrified the entire time just so that my girl could get enough exercise and socialisation, I trained her on my own, groomed and fed and went through the dreaded puppy blues on my own (which were awful, Lyra was a nightmare puppy), to this day I'm still dealing with her anxieties and issues alone.

    Nowadays I run and bike and walk her for hours to keep up with her needs, yet he accuses me of neglecting her when it comes to exercise (a few days ago we biked for 6 miles straight, walked another 6 miles not that long after, yesterday I ran a mile with her, and today we were out walking for 3 hours - usually she gets a 2 hour entirely off leash walk every day if not longer).

    I keep her mind busy with training, she comes with me to visit friends or family, I've helped her out with her fear of cars, her fear of other dogs and people, I stayed up all night comforting her when she was sick and when she had her abscess I spent every day cleaning and medicating it.

    She sleeps cosily each night on my bed with her favourite cats curled up next to her, we do tricks together for fun and to work her brain, she's pure muscle and her fur is shiny and beautiful.

    After Lyra was attacked by other dogs she turned to on leash aggression and fear aggression, which I worked through with her and she's grown so much braver and friendlier since then.

    My brother has done absolutely nothing for her these past 4 years, and I wouldn't ask him to because she is my responsibility and I have always been 100% responsible for her needs since the day she came into my life - so honestly he can bugger off with his judgemental remarks because if he were in my shoes he'd have given up on this dog years ago.

    I love and spoil her to bits and if I were to add on another dog in future I would love and spoil him/her equally.

    Sorry about the rant, just sick of being surrounded by ignorant people.
     
  2. picaresque

    picaresque Mongrelist

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    Best thing to do with insensitive/unpleasant family members is just to keep them at arm's length as much as possible. I can only assume he's deliberately trying to upset you as he's obviously full of it. Easier said than done but don't let him get to you.
     
  3. Whiteshadow

    Whiteshadow PetForums Senior

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    Hi Lyracollie! Maybe your brother is trying to put you off adding another dog because hes scared you might need some help with two dogs. Dont let him upset you sounds like you are doing a great job with Lyra and yourself and when its the right time and dog you will know and make the decision unlike family we dont get to choose...
     
  4. LinznMilly

    LinznMilly Moderator
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    Don't take it personally. I know it's hard, and it sounds and feels like he intends for it to be personal, but remember; judging people says more about the judge than it ever will about the judged.

    In calling you negligent, he's essentially admitting that he is negligent. ;)

    If this behaviour is typical of him, please look up narcissism, and/or the Dark Triad. He may just be an insensitive jerk, but if there's an underlying pattern of behaviour, it could be something more sinister:

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...201301/shedding-light-psychology-s-dark-triad
     
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  5. jamat

    jamat PetForums VIP

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    You are doing a wonderful job at looking after your dog... Hats off to you and well done

    As for your brother... Well I'm to polite to say what he can do but I'll be happy to punch him for you if that helps :)
     
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  6. Mirandashell

    Mirandashell Banned

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    I'll say it for you cos I'm also thinking it.

    Lyracollie, your brother is a total d1ckhead. And as such his opinion is worth nothing at all. You have done an amazing job with Lyra and, as he hasn't helped at all, he can stick his opinions up his bum.
     
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  7. danielled

    danielled Guest

    Tell him where to stick his opinions. You've done a great job.
     
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  8. rona

    rona Still missing my boys

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    Did he say what he meant by that?

    If you know you are doing a good job, why are you upset about his comment?

    Be proud and confident and smile
     
  9. catz4m8z

    catz4m8z PetForums VIP

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    You didnt ask him to justify that statement?? Coz if what you have said is true then he wouldnt have a leg to stand on and would look like a mean spirited assh0le for saying it!
    Just ignore him...
     
  10. Calvine

    Calvine PetForums VIP

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    I'm constantly shocked how people will say things like this without giving any thought to the effect their words might have on someone. It's like putting your mouth in motion before your brain is in gear.
     
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  11. Blitz

    Blitz PetForums VIP

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    Are you sure he meant it in a nasty way. Maybe he meant it took a lot of courage for you to be looking after one dog and a second might not be so easy for you. As others have said did you ask him what he meant. If he is being a nasty brother just ignore him. You do not have to justify yourself to him and non dog owners often do not understand the commitment a lot of dog owners have.
     
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  12. Muttly

    Muttly Fluffy Mutts Rule!

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    It sounds like you are an excellent dog owner and have done so well with Lyra. I would have personally replied with "Um, what the hell do you mean by that?"

    What's it got to do with him anyway? Unless he is expected to look after the dogs, then it's none of his business.
     
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  13. Lyracollie

    Lyracollie Crazy hamster lady

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    That's true - I suppose I just need to grow thicker skin and learn to ignore it.
    He's definitely not a responsible person, that's for sure, which I guess just goes to show his words lack any actual meaning in this situation.

    I don't think he's a narcissist, but definitely an insensitive jerk.

    Honestly he just went on to spout some more garbage - thinking back on it now I don't think he actually had any backing for his argument so just made up childish nonsense (for instance - me waking up later in the day apparently means Lyra is depressed, despite the fact that she can leave the room at any time and actually prefers to stay in bed).

    I did take it probably too personally, but it's always a bit hurtful when you've invested so much time and energy into something and some moron decides they know better and that it was all pointless.

    I'm never actually sure what way he intends things, doesn't really think before he speaks a lot of the time, but it seemed like he was trying to be nasty, considering he never even explained himself.

    As for the courage thing, Lyra has helped with that immensely - the second addition wouldn't be for a long time yet but I know I'm confident enough now to deal with two dogs - maybe it doesn't show through to him but who knows.

    I suppose that's true, he's never had the responsibility of caring for another living thing, so maybe he just doesn't understand.

    Although he has previously told me that he thinks Indian street dogs live happy healthy lives (which, believe me - they really don't), so maybe he's actually just a gormless idiot and I give him too much credit where it's not due.
     
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  14. Mirandashell

    Mirandashell Banned

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    I think you hit the nail on the head there.
     
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  15. rona

    rona Still missing my boys

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    But you and Lyra know different don't you?
    So why care what others think?
    Don't let him take your new found confidence

    Honestly, if someone said something like that to me with Alfie, I would have smirked at them and walked away in the certainty that they were talking out of their arse ;)
     
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  16. Calvine

    Calvine PetForums VIP

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    Does he live with you and is starting to worry that he might get roped in to help if a second dog arrives? You said you had mentioned ''bringing another dog into the family'' which sounds as tho' you maybe still live in the same house as your brother. Don't take it to heart...you know you are doing the right things with your dog and taking care of her properly..
     
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  17. Lyracollie

    Lyracollie Crazy hamster lady

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    That's true. :)
    I suppose we can't please everyone, I'll just have to ignore him next time and try not to take it to heart.

    He does, yes. But honestly if another dog came along (which is just cloud talk at the moment, wouldn't happen for another few years when I'd already have my own place) I wouldn't ask him for anything, just as I haven't asked him for anything with Lyra - so if he does have some odd idea in his head that I'd rope him into dog chores then who knows where that's stemmed from. The only thing I can think of is that he has started coming on walks with us, but that has been entirely up to him as he wanted to get fitter, I've never asked him to come along. :confused:
     
  18. rona

    rona Still missing my boys

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    Jealousy that's what it sounds like from this......................feel sorry for the poor sook :)
     
  19. Boxerluver30

    Boxerluver30 Hound Lover

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    Don't let him bring you down is my advice, it sounds like you've done a great job with lyra, just keep that in mind when he is saying stuff like that. I have had experience with owning a boxer who would develop new fears at the drop of a hat so I know how hard it is. And yes if someone had insinuated I couldn't look after him properly (or my dog now for that matter!) then I would probably have been angry and upset too, as I put a lot of effort into him, maybe that is me needing to grow a thicker skin but then I'm sensitive anyway. So don't worry about it :)
     
  20. foxiesummer

    foxiesummer PetForums VIP

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    No wonder you have anxiety issues with a plonker like him bringing you down. Stick it in the
    @uck it bucket and move on.
     
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