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I just feel like crying

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Tanya1989, May 5, 2010.


  1. Tanya1989

    Tanya1989 PetForums VIP

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    I am having such a sh!t day today. Just feels like I am losing the will to live. I have taken so many painkillers today I should be dead in reality and yet the pain just isn't being dulled. But on the bright side I have puked up 6 or 7 times so thats a few less calories in my system. :rolleyes:

    I have had to put back going to med school for another year as I physically just won't be capable of starting in Sept, so I have deferred my placement, which I fought so hard to get.

    I've had the district nurse around today and I feel like I am getting nowhere. Just feels like I'm lost in the system somewhere. I've got a feeling I'm going to be admitted into hospital on Monday when I go for my spinal appointment, I was last time.

    Sent off a DLA claim form after being told for 6 months I wouldn't be able to claim, then the district nurse told me I could, so 50 pages later of filling out the same questions over and over again. So I have brain freeze from that.

    There's a bitch in season 2 doors up, so I can't let the dogs out and they are howling their heads off, only stopping to scrap. The bitch is kept outside. :mad:

    The last time I slept through the night without waking up in mid spasm was over 7 months ago. I can't remember the last time I was able to get intimate with the OH.

    Sorry to bore you all I just feel like absolute sh!t and really needed to rant to get it all off my chest :crying:
     
  2. tafwoc

    tafwoc PetForums VIP

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    Oh hun.. (((HUGS))) :(
     
  3. RockRomantic

    RockRomantic Gobsh!te

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    my god tanya! how awful for you, i really do not know what to say but i didn't want to read what you wrote and not put anything, felt slightly wrong somehow, if you've taken a bunch of painkillers maybe go and get yourself check out even though you've probably thrown them back up

    i don't know what else to say hun, sending you all my love x
     
  4. Tanya1989

    Tanya1989 PetForums VIP

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    Thanks guys. Used to the painkillers. Take them on a regular basis, but have taken the maximum dose today, which I don't like to do normally as they make me puke, but the pain is just unbearable so I've had to max out on them.

    The only thing is now I have to stay awake tonight now incase I puke in my sleep. LOL. Catch 22 :rolleyes:
     
  5. hawksport

    hawksport Banned

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    Never mind whinging what about the poor o.h.
     
  6. Tanya1989

    Tanya1989 PetForums VIP

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    :eek:I know lol... I'll have to buy him a doll
     
  7. tafwoc

    tafwoc PetForums VIP

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    Well you better dig some good movies out then. An get the kettle on, nothing like a good cuppa :) I hope youv eaten something? I'd say a hot bath, but thats a bugger for making you sleepy :rolleyes:
     
  8. Tigerneko

    Tigerneko PetForums VIP

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    oh gosh :( you really don't deserve all that!

    Hope things start looking better for you soon x
     
  9. Tanya1989

    Tanya1989 PetForums VIP

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    Got re runs of Gavin and Stacey on... always makes me smile :)
     
  10. tafwoc

    tafwoc PetForums VIP

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    Oh classic! :thumbup:
     
  11. hawksport

    hawksport Banned

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    When you're feeling better if you want to come up and do some recall work with distractions let me know and we can arange something at our secret place
     
  12. Starlite

    Starlite PetForums VIP

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    aww hun poor you, try and keep your chin up ((((((hugs)))))

    i think its only possible under labour to get DLA if you have a missing limb or something as extreme so i wouldnt hold my breath, they never give it to people who actually need it x
     
  13. GillyR

    GillyR PetForums VIP

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    I am so sorry lovely...sending hugs....spoil yourself xxx
     
  14. dobermummy

    dobermummy Banned

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    i hope you got some rest tanya, i wish there was something i could say or do to help you.
     
  15. Mollydoodle

    Mollydoodle Banned

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    can I ask if you are eating before taking your tablets? that cud be why your being sick. I have to take vast amounts of painkillers everyday (47 tabs in all) and find im sick if I dont eat first. Don't ever feel youve noone to talk to or complain to. sorry you feel so rough and hope you get sorted out soon x
     
  16. Tanya1989

    Tanya1989 PetForums VIP

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    Thanks for the lovely comments everyone. Had a dreadful night last night.

    @Mollydoodle: Doesn't matter if I eat or not when taking the pills they always give me the same effect if I take them all.... Paracetamol, Codeine, Tramadol, Diazepam, Morphine sulphate, oramorph, omeprazole, lithium, sertraline, half a bottle of gaviscon, amytriptaline.... I'm a wreck lol.

    Had to take another full doseage again this morning, so apologies to everyone that struggles to read what I have written... it is probably mostly gibberish.

    Its just nice to be able to vent some of it all when you feel like utter sh!t. I don't like talking to people about it. I was so used to being active: ballroom and latin champion, training daily, show producer (horses), handler, judge of all 3. This time 4 years ago I was doing all of this. I weighed 7st and looked great (well toned etc) Now I am wheelchair bowned, on a good day, weigh 13 stone, have the skin of a teenager and the ailments of a 90yr old cripple lol.

    I could be a lot worse, I know a lot of people are worse than me, but sometimes its hard to be grateful for the way I am, when I look at what I used to be.... Anyway, rant over. I'm just so glad that I can write it all down to my virtual people as I find it really hard to talk to people about it. It really does make me feel so much better getting it off my chest, and makes me so incredibly grateful to belong to a forum where there are some really fantastic people who support each other in times of crisis.


    Big BIG BIG THANKYOU every one on here!
     
  17. deb53

    deb53 PetForums VIP

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    O Huni I am feel so sorry for you:(

    I know how you what you are going through and the days when you feel "whats the point". \its the most dreadful feeling.

    \maybe the sickness would ease if you ate just before you took the drugs or maybe you have picked up a little bug???

    Regarding DLA, Yes its real hard to understand how some people get it and others don't. I hav had the same. I struggle big time living on my own and some days having to crawl along the floor because I cannot walk or get up from settee.

    Keep on at them hun.

    I know all these words and advice don't really help your situation but people here giving words of support and advice hopefully will make you feel a little better.

    Regarding the intamacy with OH...he loves you for the beautiful person you are and not just for nookie.....And that is one special person.

    Love and hugs to you Hun and keep ranting away. We are here to listen and to try and help you get through this real down time for you.

    xxxx
     
  18. RAINYBOW

    RAINYBOW PetForums VIP

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    That all sounds really crappy and stressful. Have your consultants recommended any sort of pain/fatigue management courses ???

    If you can find a decent practitioner i would recommend getting yourself some Reflexology sessions. I am not pretending it will make the pain go away but it is deeply relaxing so might help with some of the associated symptoms.
     
  19. LouJ69

    LouJ69 PetForums VIP

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    Aw, sorry to hear that hun-sounds like you need to go out into the garden & have a good howl with the dogs!lol Xxx
     
  20. Mum2Alfie

    Mum2Alfie PetForums VIP

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    Oh hun, sounds awful! I hope you get better soon. Sorry dont actually know whats wrong, but wish you well anyway Xxx
     
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