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I have no bond with my puppy

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by Phad088, Nov 10, 2020.


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  1. Phad088

    Phad088 PetForums Newbie

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    Hi, I’m looking for some advice. We’ve had our cockapoo for nearly 3 weeks now, she’s almost 12 weeks. She’s a very affectionate, easy going puppy, a little over excited at times but no problem at all to be honest. The issue is me. I just have no spark or bond with her and just want my old life back where I don’t feel so tied down.

    The kids have been wanting a puppy for ages and with myself and my husband working from home, we thought now is a good time to have a puppy.

    But I have no rush of love or indeed any feeling for her and I feel so so guilty for that. She is well looked after. But I see her as a chore and that’s it. I have no connection with her and feel relieved when I can be away in my study to work.

    Do I just ignore how I feel and hope that in time I will like her? Right now I just can’t see it happening and would gladly give her back to the breeders if it wouldn’t break my children’s heart.

    Will she grow on me at some point? Just can’t bear the thought of being stuck with her for the next 10-15 years. Feel like such an awful person for feeling like that
     
  2. Lurcherlad

    Lurcherlad PetForums VIP

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    Honestly, I think she’d be better off back with the breeder.

    Puppy blues is one thing and quite common but from what you say, to me you just don’t want a dog and all it entails. Dogs pick up on our emotions.

    Irrespective on how it upsets the kids (temporarily probably, as the novelty will probably wear off soon anyway), the pup deserves a home where she’s loved and wanted by everyone imo.
     
  3. Phad088

    Phad088 PetForums Newbie

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    Thanks for your advice. It’s honestly not the work involved that’s the problem. I just don’t feel that bond. I get on with the looking after her, but it’s the attachment people talk about that I don’t feel.

    It’s been 3 weeks and I don’t feel any differently.
     
  4. LinznMilly

    LinznMilly Moderator
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    Moved to Dog Chat.
     
  5. LotsaDots

    LotsaDots PetForums Senior

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    I didn't bond with my dog when we 1st got her, she was given to us by my mum after we lost our other dog suddenly. I didn't want her it was far too soon for me but my husband was grieving badly for our other dog and fell in love with Dottie so I caved for his sake. I struggled like you for the 1st few months but a bond did grow and now I just can't imagine life without her. Only you know how you feel it may just be puppy blues or you may genuinely not want the dog, I'd give it a bit longer though 3 weeks isn't a very long time. Make sure the whole family are involved in looking after the dog so you aren't doing all the rubbish bits.
     
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  6. Phad088

    Phad088 PetForums Newbie

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    Thanks. You are right. I just need to stop comparing myself to others and forcing myself to feeling something I don’t feel. I spoke to a friend of mine and she says as long I I just get on with it and let the others do the loving side then it’s fine. She said there’s no rule book to say that you have to love your dog, lots of people have a dog because their husband or kids want one.

    So if this feeling of attachment doesn’t happen then so be it. I still hope that it will happen though!
     
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  7. LinznMilly

    LinznMilly Moderator
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    Sounds like a classic case of Puppy/New Dog Blues to me. A lot of people have experienced the same
    It will. Just give yourself time. :)
     
  8. Twiggy

    Twiggy PetForums VIP

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    I promise you it's not uncommon to feel no bond with a new puppy. I have actually disliked several of mine but as the weeks (and possibly months) go by your feelings change, especially once they are toilet trained, obey basic commands, etc.
     
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  9. Phad088

    Phad088 PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you for making me feel a bit normal again. Been really beating myself up for not having the attachment everyone seems to have with their pet.

    I do so hope you are right. In the meantime she’s getting lots of affection from the kids

    So glad I found this site. Thought that everyone was supposed to fall immediately in love with their pup....
     
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  10. Blitz

    Blitz PetForums VIP

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    I dont really like puppies but I do not bond well with the older rescues I have had so choose to go with puppies. I can never wait for them to grow up! I think I have always loved them though, just dont like them very much at times. It will come. There is a pinned thread which I have never been on but I think it is for people to sympathise over puppy problems and puppy blues. See if you can find it , it is in the first few posts at the top above the every day ones.
     
  11. ForestWomble

    ForestWomble PetForums VIP

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    When I got my puppy, he was a long awaited, very much wanted pup. I thought I was ready, I had read threads on here, I'd read training books, watched videos on facebook, my dad would tell me horrible stories of things I might have to do, I'd grown up around dogs (though never had a puppy) ......... then he came, he was a really good boy, compared to horror stories I'd read on here he was so good, yet I didn't really love him, the first time he turned into a landshark I was frightened, I had days were he was just constantly getting into things he shouldn't and I just counted down the hours before I could head to bed and get away from the 'little devil', I had mornings were I dreaded going into the lounge in the morning and letting him out the pen incase I had a repeat from the day before.
    Then gradually I found as he settled, we got to know each other, he started obeying commands and he grew up, the love came and I look forward to the happy morning welcome etc.
     
  12. JoanneF

    JoanneF PetForums VIP

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    How about some photos?
     
  13. diefenbaker

    diefenbaker PetForums Vaccinator

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    I suppose the "tied down" can come as a bit of a shock if you're not used to it. Although at the moment pretty much everyone has to get used to it. You don't really have to be "tied down" but might need to reset expectations bit. You'll probably find a new set of friends who are doggy people and do more doggy things. More pubs than restaurants. Different holidays. If you really wanted a dog beforehand I expect you will come around. Two legs or four there's some degree of lifestyle change.
     
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  14. Oki1234

    Oki1234 PetForums Newbie

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    Hi @Phad088, you replied to a post I wrote years ago when we'd got our puppy but I'm not allowed to reply to that thread because it's been closed. https://www.petforums.co.uk/threads/i-dont-like-my-puppy.416036/page-4#post-1065691525

    But to give you an update, I would describe the situation as 'fine'. Puppies are a total pain, hectic, messy, demanding. Dogs less so. I wouldn't say I love him. He gets everything he needs. The rest of the family love him. He gets lots of play and treats and cuddles - including from me - so I have no guilt about it whatsoever. If it wasn't for the rest of the family, I wouldn't have got a dog. I personally get little out of the experience, but I love my family so don't complain about him. Honestly I'm used to it. I think it's a big adjustment and there are so many dog mad people on these forums who think you're a monster if you wouldn't die for your dog but I think as long as they get what they need it doesn't mattter. I really don't think the average dog is as finetuned to human emotions as some people seem to believe.
     
  15. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Moderator
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    I'm not sure where this came from or if you've read the prevous replies ? All very supportive and realstic as far as I can see.
     
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  16. Oki1234

    Oki1234 PetForums Newbie

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    Not this thread in particular, more a general observation over the years. There are always people who will say "well you shouldn't have got a dog you should rehome it if you're not going to love it!!!" which can make you feel like you're missing some vital instinct that everyone else has.
     
  17. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Moderator
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    Having read through your own thread on this topic I noted one person making negative comments and she was put firmly in her place ! Everyone else was positive and supportive.
     
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  18. Oki1234

    Oki1234 PetForums Newbie

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    I'm not criticising your forum. It's great. But I read more than just these two threads.

    My point is, there are a lot of people for whom dogs are a central part of their life. Even the people in this thread who suggest - with the best of intentions I'm sure - that once you have a dog you will start hanging out with friends with dogs and going on doggy holidays etc etc.

    I'm just here to reassure the OP, and anyone else, that you can live perfectly contentedly with this new dog in your life but you don't have to love it, you don't have to suddenly become a 'dog person'. I feel like lots of people say 'soon you won't be able to imagine life without her!' and 'you wouldn't have it any other way!' and I have no doubt that they mean this supportively. But in my experience, that isn't necessarily the case. But it's not the end of the world either. This isn't being negative. I wish someone had said it to me 5 years ago.
     
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  19. SusieRainbow

    SusieRainbow Moderator
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    That's fair enough.
    Sorry if I sound defensive but I do spend a lot of time and energy trying to keep this forum positive and encouraging and tend to take criticism too personally.:oops::)
     
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  20. LinznMilly

    LinznMilly Moderator
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    I'm sorry you haven't fallen in love with your dog, but I find a lot of your posts on this thread to be unfair.

    First of all, you seem to criticize the (my), decision to close your thread.

    We weren't aware you were still around, and therefore couldn't know you'd return to answer. You could easily have messaged one of us mods, asking us to reopen it. Instead, you choose not to. That's on you - not on us.

    Even taking into consideration the possibility of you having read other threads on these forums, I still fail to recall anyone calling anyone else a monster for not loving their dogs. Normally, we advise the OP to give it time, and if they still feel the same way, then the dog will be better off rehomed in the best interests of the dog. That doesn't make anyone a monster. A dog isn't for everyone.
     
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