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i got bored some jokes i did this afternoon

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by sandymaynard, Jul 25, 2009.


  1. sandymaynard

    sandymaynard PetForums Senior

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    When i get bored i make jokes up! Right now i am sick with worry but thought i would share my jokes...

    The Hunting Dog
    Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

    So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."

    Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"

    Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

    So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.

    Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"

    The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.

    The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more f***ing ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"


    Bear in a bad mood
    Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives, when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes.

    His partner says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"

    His friend replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!"


    My naughty parrots
    A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

    "What do they say?" the priest inquired.

    "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. 'Want to have some fun?'"

    "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem.

    Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible.

    My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

    "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house.

    His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

    The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

    One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"



    Who Says Men Don't Remember Anniversaries
    A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

    She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

    "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

    The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and
    you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.

    The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

    The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when
    you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

    "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

    The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
    "I remember that too", she replies softly.

    He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"



    sorry they are bad i know!
    Sandy
     
  2. cassie01

    cassie01 PetForums VIP

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    lol. i love them, especially that first one!!!
     
  3. Acacia86

    Acacia86 PetForums VIP

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    LOL!!!!! They are really good!!! Well done!! xx
     
  4. Ha ha! Wow, your really talented!! xx
     
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