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I feel bad for saying this

Discussion in 'Cat Chat' started by AnnaPanana, Jul 25, 2020.


  1. AnnaPanana

    AnnaPanana PetForums Newbie

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    Hi everyone,
    I’m new to this forum but really needed a place to discuss all things cat-related. I took in our kitten Indy, currently 5 months of age, in June. She was part of a litter my sister’s barn cat produced. I’ve always wanted a cat, as I love them for their eccentricities, independence and cuteness, so I was thrilled to finally get one.

    I immediately noticed how sweet and attached Indy is. Her initial shyness (my sister mentioned she had been very skiddish before) was gone very quickly. My 8-month-old daughter loves her and Indy is patient with her. Obviously there have been some small mishaps with an accidental wee here and there, but she is pretty much the perfect cat.

    Now I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but at times I feel like I made a mistake. Indy is attached to me so intensely that she hardly gives me a moment’s peace. She follows me everywhere unless I restrict her, and whenever I stop to stand still, her body is immediately rubbing against my ankles. She doesn’t just run in front of my feet like cats usually do, she runs between my legs as I walk, which inevitably leads to injuries on both sides. She’s all over me all the time. And I love to snuggle up, don’t get me wrong (it’s one of the reasons I love cats), but it’s starting to feel like she is regarding me as her mother and wants to be with me wherever whenever in an obsessive way. I do sometimes put her outside or in our conservatory (with access to the garden) when I sense I’m losing my patience. But I just feel bad. Is this kind of inseparable behaviour typical with kittens? Should I expect her to become more independent, or just learn to live with it?

    Thanks for reading this long post!
     
  2. ChaosCat

    ChaosCat PetForums VIP

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    Hi @AnnaPanana and welcome to the forum!

    It’s great that you found such a lovely affectionate cat in Indy! But I can also understand that you feel rather overwhelmed by her constantly sticking to you.

    An easy remedy can be getting her a kitten playmate of about the same age. Kittens do need lots of playing and attention, much more than a human can easily give them. When you have two they keep each other company, play each other tired, groom each other- and it’s so much fun watching them together!

    Luckily with young kittens it’s not difficult to introduce them to each other.
    So, if you see a chance of another kitten moving in, it would be a great solution for Indy as well as for you.
     
  3. Tigermoon

    Tigermoon PetForums VIP

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    Yes this is pretty typical behaviour for young kittens. From her point of view she's just lost her birth family, but you've shown yourself to be a safe alternative and of course you bring her food. To Indy you are of utmost importance right now. She will gradually settle down and become more independent. If you are lucky the strong bond with you with remain and the leg rubbing, pudging and following you round will continue throughout Indy's life, however it usually settles into an occasional thing that happens once or twice a day rather than constantly.
     
    #3 Tigermoon, Jul 25, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2020
  4. Lurcherlad

    Lurcherlad PetForums VIP

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    And, of course, rescues are flooding with unwanted young cats (bought on a whim :() now Lockdown is over so you could help solve two problems at once ;)
     
  5. I second the advices that others in this thread have already given.
    With two cats the vet bills are going to be twofold, but it's definitely worth it! :)
    You and your cat are going to be much happier. If you are worried will the cats get along, introduce them slowly at first. Cats live in a world dominated by sense of smell, so letting them both get the scent of one another before they actually physically meet, would help.
    Scent soakers are things like pillows, blankets, scratching boards and -poles.
     
    #5 Deleted member 1507993, Jul 25, 2020
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 25, 2020
  6. Redpanda

    Redpanda PetForums Newbie

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    I don’t have any advice to offer, but I can second the feeling. My 8 months old kitten has become more independent already (like I no longer need to hold her paw when she sleeps, and can take a shower without her crying outside the door the whole time), but I still get these feelings at times when I wish I could just have one moment to myself.

    I think for me this has also been related to lockdown, because juggling a needy kitten + a massive workload in the same studio flat hasn’t been easy. (All my co-workers now know what an extremely vocal, bored kitten sounds like.) Also I’m going back to the office in a few weeks after working from home almost all the time I’ve had her, and I’m worried sick over Vuokko having to learn to spend more time alone. I’m not in a position to take another cat now, but if I were, that might definitely make things easier.
     
  7. Rufus15

    Rufus15 Banned

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    I echo the advice that a second kitten would probably be of benefit to you both
     
  8. Redpanda

    Redpanda PetForums Newbie

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    I heartily agree, and will add this to my list of things to consider. Just that currently I have 2-3 buts:

    I worry that my flat is too small to host two cats, considering the possibilities of not getting along or otherwise needing to separate the kitties sometimes. Although I know people who have successfully raised two cats in similar conditions and managed it just fine.

    My kitten is currently on an elimination diet due to (very likely) food intoleranses, and as a first time cat owner I’m now at the deep end of cat nutrition. I’m at least hoping to sort out her diet before even thinking of bringing in another one. (I think her discomfort over itching etc. has also been a part of over all neediness, because she’s now doing better, and is way more relaxed around me.)

    And the third one is having no idea how the epidemic situation will affect my finances in thr near future. I just want to be responsible in the sense that I need to know I can manage vet visits if (for example) I win the cat gene lottery again, and suddenly have two allergics in here.

    But in any case I do appreciate your advice, and see where it’s coming from. :)
     
  9. My cat was a senior and she still was very needy and affectionate. And active 'till the end. If you can't afford another cat, you could try to play with your cat more.Lets assume that you play with your cat every time before meal time, two or three times a day. Well, you could play with your cat four times a day and make sure that every time you play with the cat, you play until the cat is tired.
    Jackson Galaxy can explain well how to do that:


    Another way to get your cat satisfyed is through clicker training. It's fun for both, human and cat. Great bonding time and makes your cat tired.
    Or harness walking could work. Or maybe cat TV.
     
    Redpanda likes this.
  10. I mean, I heard you. You want more time for yourself, but as in right now, you are stuck with a needy kitten. You might as well enjoy yourself. And with any luck, situation will change. Or you get a second cat to play with your kitten.
     
  11. Redpanda

    Redpanda PetForums Newbie

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    Yeah, it’s already easier than it was in the beginning. I’ve managed to get back to sewing, knitting and reading, so we’re doing pretty well by now! (And as said, I think the beginning felt extra difficult with all the lockdown confusion.)

    I generally try to play with Vuokko at least three times a day, and she has really enjoyed being outdoors in a harness. The latter is on a break now, because some fairly aggressive birds have taken over the yard (I think the have a nest there), and they get upset when I bring the great hunter there.

    I did try to start training (no clicker, but with treats), but currently there are no treats I could safely give to Vuokko. And I did experiment with cat TV a few days ago: I had a bird video on laptop, so Vuokko went to sit on the mouse pad, and then sat there wondering why it paused.
     
  12. Orla

    Orla PetForums VIP

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    Enjoy the fact the kitten wants to play and wants attention. Sometimes when they grow up they stop being as interested in you. Or as quite a few of us recently experienced, sometimes they are taken away sooner than you’d hope and looking back, you’ll treasure the times they followed you around, got under your feet, or woke you up at night for a play or a cuddle. X
     
  13. I'm happy to hear that things have gotten better! :)
    Is Vuokko a Finnish name?
     
  14. Redpanda

    Redpanda PetForums Newbie

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    Yes, you got that right! :)
     
  15. Oh, I feel kinda stupid now. Of course it is!
    I'm from Finland as well, but sometimes finnish starts to sound weird to me. I guess it's because I don't use my native language that much outside of work.
     
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