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How to give a cat a pill

Discussion in 'Cat Chat' started by Dally Banjo, May 5, 2010.


  1. Dally Banjo

    Dally Banjo PetForums VIP

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    For those who have'nt seen this before :lol:

    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

    13. Tie the dang thing's front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

    14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

    15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat from **** and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


    How to Give a Dog a Pill 1. Wrap it in bacon :lol:
     
  2. shamykebab

    shamykebab PetForums VIP

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    :lol::lol::lol:

    So true!!
     
  3. hobbs2004

    hobbs2004 PetForums VIP

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    :lol::lol::lol::lol::thumbup::lol::lol::lol::lol:

    Nearly peed myself with laughter!
     
  4. $hAzZa

    $hAzZa Shan

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    Too much truth to handle :lol::lol:
     
  5. carol-ann 2469

    carol-ann 2469 PetForums Newbie

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    yep,thats a good read,made me laugh.
     
  6. $hAzZa

    $hAzZa Shan

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    These are the times when you wish you got a dog instead :lol:
     
  7. Cleo38

    Cleo38 PetForums VIP

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    Am glad it's not just me!!!! :lol::lol:
     
  8. moandben

    moandben PetForums Member

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    very very good. :)
     
  9. Jowan

    Jowan PetForums Member

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    How true that is lol.

    It reminds me of a cat my dad used to have. It never came inside after kittenhood so it was almost ferral. When they went on holiday they used to take it to a cattery.
    I can remember my dad once putting food into the garage for the cat to eat and when it came in he ran in and shut the door behind him. So my dad it there complete with cat basket. The cat is in the corner of the garage eating its dinner. Turns to see my dad in the dim garage light lol. All we could hear from the outside was lots of paint tins clashing and screw drivers crashing to the floor and what sounded like the car doing the wall of death around the garage and my dad giving the occasional shriek as the cat jumped over him and lots of swear words lol I didnt realise the cat was called cooking fat lol :thumbup:
     
  10. Dally Banjo

    Dally Banjo PetForums VIP

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    :lol::lol::lol::lol::D
     
  11. $hAzZa

    $hAzZa Shan

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    :lol::lol: Yep, thats his name alright :lol:
     
  12. PoisonGirl

    PoisonGirl Banned

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    Damn I wish I had read this 10 minutes ago! Lol
     
  13. Tiggertots

    Tiggertots PetForums Senior

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    :lol: :lol: :lol: So very very true!!
     
  14. yorkshireblonde

    yorkshireblonde PetForums Junior

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    Not laughed so much for ages!!!
    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

    Thank-you!!
     
  15. nikkidee3

    nikkidee3 PetForums Junior

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    When Mr Maloo got sick and had to be fed tablets, I just held the pill out to him like it was a treat and he took it from me and ate it. Twice a day for 2 weeks... I was pleasantly surprised and needless to say, very very happy with him! :D
     
  16. Clare7435

    Clare7435 PetForums VIP

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    Just laughed sooooooooo much at that....can I be a smart ass and say my cat takes his pills well....lol:lol::lol::lol:
     
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