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How to deal with grieving knowing you have to put your dog to sleep?

Discussion in 'Dog Chat' started by Runtime, Aug 23, 2013.


  1. Runtime

    Runtime PetForums Newbie

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    Well... I've had my dog for 14 years, she is a Rhodesian ridgeback cross with a Labrador she is a female and I have had her in my family her whole life since she was a few weeks old as a puppy. She went all the way through my childhood and was always loyal to all the family members, we used to take her on long walks whenever we could which could last 2 to 3 hours in some cases and she always loved them.

    The best part with her is when we moved to Spain, we took her with us and I took her for walks when I was 9-10 by myself and she was around 7-8 at the time, I used to walk with her up the mountains sometimes and when my dad was with me I used to walk her miles and miles.

    I would say she has had a great life, she is about 14 now and I'm 16 and just starting college, and I only recently found out about a month ago that she was going to have to get put down soon, because I can look her in the eyes now and she can just stare at me, like she is telling me she has loved us all but it is time to go. She has arthritis which has been getting worse in the last 2 weeks, I read online it will help if I take her for a small walk which isn't running etc every few days, and I've tried that, took her to the end of the street and walked around a field with her, slowly and let her take her time but she just gets sick when we get back home and ill. She is starting to go blind and her hearing is getting a lot worse, I just can't accept that she will be gone, the earliest moment I can remember is me, my mother, father and my sister picking her up from the pet shop, and I can even remember the location of the pet shop and this was when I was about 4 years old. She has been walked everyday near enough but recently till about a month ago not so much because it has started to make her ill because of the exercise.

    My mum said she will probably have to take her in next week, she wanted to take her in a month ago but I couldn't accept it and I tried helping the dog the best I can and tried making her arthritis get better but it didn't. All she does now is try to sleep, unless I call her over (I have to shout because she is deaf) and take her outside and stroke her out there, she is happy then.

    I have decided that the day before we take her in, I am going to buy her all the favorite things she always wanted and always loved but was sick or never got to have, like bacon, milk and all her favorite treats and take her on her last walk without her lead around the block and let her take as long as she likes with all the family with her, and I am going to sleep next to her the night before we take her in, she can have her treats and everything whenever she wants, I want to make it her best day.

    But I can't help but grieve, I can't do anything which I normally do like laugh at any videos or anything but cry, I have never lost anyone in my whole life apart from my brother when I was 2 which I have no remembrance of, I know she is in pain and she needs this before it gets to the point where she can't even walk anymore but me knowing she will be put out of her pain doesn't stop me from knowing I will never have a dog which I can connect or love the same way and I will never ever see her happy again breaks my heart. I don't even know when we are going to take her in yet and I have already been none stop thinking about it for the last few weeks and it has got even worse since my mum told me we will need to take her in yesterday, I asked her this morning if we can take her to the vet and see if they can do anything and then she told me that when we took her last year they were telling her she didn't have long left and when her back legs go that will be it.

    She has had a great life for a dog, I have loved her and she will always have a place in my heart but I don't know what to do, I just can't stop crying about this dog, she is closer then a sister to me, sometimes I would go downstairs at night and just sit next to her for hours and just tell her what has been going on, and she has always been loyal about that and never let me down. I don't know what to do anymore.
     
    #1 Runtime, Aug 23, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2013
  2. Burrowzig

    Burrowzig PetForums VIP

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    It's hard, but you get through it knowing you did the right thing for them at the end, and didn't let the suffering go on.
     
  3. j4nfr4n

    j4nfr4n PetForums VIP

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    It will be very hard and heartbreaking for you but try to remember all the good years you have had with her.
    The greatest gift you can possibly give her now is to show her how much she is loved by you all and letting her be free from her pain and be able to run free in her new life
    Thinking of you and your lovely dog xx
     
  4. lilythepink

    lilythepink PetForums VIP

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    Hi, we had my first dog PTS when I was 16, Our dog was 14 too. I came home from school and she wasnt there, it was hard, no time to say good bye..I was angry with my dad for a long time.

    The dog collapsed, the decision was instant and final, she had been fading for some time, even so.
    Fast forward....I would have done exactly the same as my dad in the same circumstances,

    you are lucky, you do get a chance to say goodbye..hard as that may be.Its hard to say exactly when is the right time, you know it has to be done. They can't tell you when pain is too much pain.

    My old dakkie died this morning. She was 13 and has been fading fast for some time now. Every day I looked at her and thought.is today the day? then she would perk up a bit and have a walk outside and ask for something to eat..like they do. I got up this morning and she had died. Maybe she suffered in silence, I dont know. It was easier to find her gone........but maybe I shouldn;t have hesitated and taken her before this morning.

    Its not a nice thing to have to deal with.Hugs.
     
  5. GingerRogers

    GingerRogers PetForums VIP

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    :( It will be very hard, we all grieve in our own ways and you will find yours and you will find a way to cope, it sounds like your family has given her a wonderful life and now the last great thing you can do is let her go peacefully before she suffers much more.

    You might never connect or love another dog the same way but you will be able to love in a different way, we had to have our old boy put to sleep last year, no dog will ever replace him he was one in a million but we have a new dog now who occupies a very different but just as dear place in our hearts.

    Hugs for you!

    And hugs for Lilythepink sorry to hear about your old girl.
     
  6. shirleystarr

    shirleystarr PetForums VIP

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    all you can do is rejoice in the wonderful memories you have been lucky enough to experience with your dog make a memory book, maybe a place in the garden the dogs favourite spot and put a plant or a tree there
    because one day when the grief gets less its nice to go look at those places and have the wonderful memories of your life with your wonderful dog
    yes it hurts you cry you grieve of course you do its the normal process when you lose someone you love dearly but it does get easier I know everyone says that and you don't think it will at the time but it does
    Its the hardest thing to do but for the dog its the last loving thing that you can do for them Yours are the eyes the dog will look into before going to the rainbow bridge
    Hugs to you
     
  7. lilythepink

    lilythepink PetForums VIP

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    thank you.
     
  8. lisa0307

    lisa0307 PetForums VIP

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    Sorry but your post has left me sobbing....I so feel for you. x :(
     
  9. tailtickle

    tailtickle PetForums Senior

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    Hello Runtime, I am so very sorry that you are needing to experience in your young life, the awful knowledge and heartache of partiing with a much loved Pet.


    All that you have written, clearly says your love for your dog. Now, is the time to use that love for her sake, by letting her pass peacefully away, with her dignity, and before her health deteriotes any further.


    Spoil her of course, but at the same time try to be as normal as possible, so that everything feels comfortably familiar, apart from the little happy spoiling treats.


    Say quiet and gentle goodbyes, before you go into the Vet.


    Ask the Vet (beforehand) if you can have a couple of minutes afterwards, to stroke her and again tell her how much you love her. Then they will be prepared to leave you alone afterwards together for a short time.


    If possible, be with her, (or at least a family member to be with her) this will prevent any stress on her part. Be as brave as possible (for her) not for yourself. You can cry afterwards when the Vet leaves you alone.


    She will always hold a part of your heart, and what a compliment to her.


    This is something we all as dog loving Owners dread, no matter how many times, it does not get easier!


    Do not feel guilty, you are doing the most loving, unselfish act, of letting her leave this world peacefully .......

    God Bless her.


    tailtickle x
     
  10. Runtime

    Runtime PetForums Newbie

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    Thank you for all the support, and I'm so sorry for your loss Lilly :(
     
  11. Picklelily

    Picklelily PetForums VIP

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    My son was a year older than you when we had to have our Rough Collie put to sleep, Dodgem was really his dog and they shared an incredible bond as I'm sure you do with your dog.

    What helped him was being involved in all the decisions and vet visits, we all went together to discuss it with the vet and planned his care over the final months.

    For Dodgem all he ever wanted was to be with us so thats hat we did, we took him to his favourite places even if he didn't walk far. We stayed happy and calm around the dog as he wasn't distressed our distress would have just hurt him.

    When the time came we all went with Dodgem what was so touching was that he laid his head on my sons lap after the injection and died with his favourite person.

    We chose individual cremation and put his ashes in a pot in his favourite place in the garden, we chose 3 roses for the pot that represented him.

    We all talk to those roses, stroke them and revel in their beauty.

    Remember you are doing the very best thing for your dog.
     
  12. Malmum

    Malmum PetForums VIP

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    Awe bless you, an awful time for all of us when we have to say goodbye to our best ever friend. :(

    As has been said, this will be the greatest show of how you love her, she will be free from pain and her passing will be peaceful, she won't have to suffer like we humans do and will pass with dignity with people she has loved her whole life.

    You are the one who will be left to grieve and you will feel the pain, as you already are - it's something we all have to face at some time or another and part of love is letting go. They do seem to tell us in their eyes when they have had enough, so try to focus on the message she is giving you as she now wants to be free of her pains and sleep. You would hate to see her collapse and pass away in extreme pain and discomfort and would never forgive yourself for allowing that to happen. What you and your parents are doing is saving her from that eventuality and I'm sure if she could speak she would tell you how grateful she is for this last act of love.

    We have to grieve, cry and cry until tears have dried up and no more can come, only then can we start to look back and realise how we gave them everything in their lives and even in death.

    Hugs from here and we are all here for you whenever you need a chat. God bless. xx
     
  13. springerpete

    springerpete PetForums VIP

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    My sympathies go out to you, Sadly there's no easy answer, we all deal with these things in our own way. With me, after the tears have dried, and there's always a few believe me, I try and focus my mind on the good times we've shared, the long walks in our beloved woods, the days spent working together in the field.
    You've obviously done well by you dog, hold on to that and be happy that you were able to give her a quiet and pain free end. A lot of dogs just aren't that lucky.
    Take care. Pete.
     
  14. Picklelily

    Picklelily PetForums VIP

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    Lilythepink I'm so sorry for your loss, sending you a big virtual hug x
     
  15. cinnamontoast

    cinnamontoast Sois pas chiant, chéri.

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    There's no way to make this easier for you :( You know you can ask the vet to come to your house if it's planned? I found that slightly helped, having the dog in his own place, he'd never liked the vets and I didn't want him stressed in his last moments.

    I know it's morbid, but consider what you want to do with her remains: do you want to bury her at home or do you want her cremated and the ashes returned to you? The vet will take her if you want and do everything for you. I couldn't bear to have the ashes back so we asked the vet who'd known him all his life to have him cremated.
     
  16. Runtime

    Runtime PetForums Newbie

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    Well I think we're going to be taking her in tonight after my mother has called up, only just found out a hour or so ago and I think she knows it is her time today, she ran up to us all individually as we walked through the door and was really happy to see us, I hope she just understands why it has to be done and that it is the best for her, I'll do anything to let her keep going but when the time comes it comes, and her body just can't hack it anymore. I'm just thankful for all the great times she has given us, this is the saddest day of my life but I'm going to stay strong infront of her and take some pictures with her before we go, I love her but it is the time today :'(

    EDIT: We just phoned up the vet and we will be taking her down at half 7 on Thursday in the afternoon, I'm going to go ahead and get everything I wanted to get for her tomorrow after college, I'm just happier I can give her the best last day possible, but I still won't be able to deal with this, she has been with us since the day I can remember.
     
    #16 Runtime, Sep 10, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2013
  17. lisa0307

    lisa0307 PetForums VIP

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    So very sorry hun...will be thinking of you. xxx :(
     
  18. tiatortilla

    tiatortilla PetForums VIP

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    Oh your post just made me cry, I'm so sorry. Thinking of you today x
     
  19. mummyschnauzer

    mummyschnauzer PetForums Senior

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    Hi Runtime, I suppose a lot of people here have lost beloved pets, me too, and I'm not going to say it will be easy, but you would'nt want your beloved pet to suffer anymore than she needs to do. The Vet can come into your house, so your Pet will be less stressed than going to the practise. Ylou can all be together to say goodbye to her and wish her well. You will feel very sad for a while but then you will be able to look back and smile at the happy memories she gave you all. You have to be brave for her. Most of us at some time or other have had to face this and I know it isn't easy, but with the love and strenght of your family beside you, you will come through it. You take care of yourself.
     
  20. GemmalouiseT

    GemmalouiseT PetForums Newbie

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    Hi, just wanted to start by saying that its good you've posted on here as the people on here are fabulous and really supportive which I found helped me out no end with my recent loss. My heart goes out to you and all I can say is make the most of your opportunity to say goodbye.....my gorgeous little dog died tragically just over a week ago while I wasn't with her and I'm finding it incredibly hard to come to terms with. She was only 5 and it was a horrible and traumatic time, I would give anything to have been able to give her a last cuddle and tell her how much I loved her. Be strong for your beautiful girl, your grief will make you cry and be sad but I promise you that time will help heal your pain. Sending you hugs and thinking of you xx if you need to speak to someone to help you cope with your grief the Blue Cross have a telephone number you can call to speak to someone who will listen, just look on their website x
     
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